Friday 24 Jan 14

So I headed down to the town tonight. Very quiet, everybody is waiting for January salary to come in the bank I guess.

In the bars I visited there were a reasonable number of hot young chicks. There were guys all over them but my balls seemed to have gone AWOL.

I don't do excuses anymore. I just didn't approach. I sucked. Eventually, outside the bar I approached a mixed group (4 girls and 1 guy). I said to the guy " hey you look familiar, didn't you steal my girlfriend?". The girls were like "oooh". I did know him slightly and he recognised me and he replied "yeah, twice". So that kicked off the banter and the girls were loving this. You can't get any better than two guys bantering and the girls are wanting to listen and get in the vibe as well. They want to get in on a mans world it's fascinating to them.

After 5 mins when I said I had to go one of the girls , a tall full figured blonde chick with a beautiful face and carefully feathered hairdo (a good 7.5 or 8 in my book) in her early twenties shouted "seeya later" waving and smiling at me. She was saying, why aren't you staying to talk to me. It was only then, as I was walking away, that I realised I should have stuck in there and not bailed. That chick liked me. Still missing opportunities.

I left to find my mate who I seemed to have lost. I didn't find him so I came back and four young very cute girls were waiting for a taxi outside. I hung around for a while making eye contact and then opened them and got in a good convo with one. She was the kind of squirrelly girl I've always dreamed about having but never managed to get. I'm getting better at going straight for the one I want. After 10 mins her mates dragged her away to get their cab. We both enjoyed that interaction though. I didn't escalate. I'm at the stage where I feel bad if I didn't escalate a good interaction. There's work to be done.

I'm still bottling out of mixed groups and any competition from guys. I need to believe more in myself, my value and that I can compete with other guys. Thinking that my only chance is to get girls on their own is a severe disadvantage in night game. You have to balls up and go into any situation where there's a hot girl you want to meet. I know this now.

I've got my intensity (laser eyes, strong body language, strong frame) , instant rapport, assuming attraction, entitlement thing down now. I just need to be approaching and being that on a regular basis. Not waiting for permission like a fucking dork. I get so annoyed with myself when I don't go for it.

Anyway, I moved on to another bar and I arranged with my wing to go out hunting tomorrow to a place where there's more girls and it's a crazier atmoshphere. I told him not to get too shit faced before we got to the hunting ground, so we'll see how that goes.

A few sober thoughts on last night...

The second bar I was in was the busiest one. There was actually quite a few hot women in there. I led my mate into the most crowded area where girls were constantly squeezing past us to go the smoking area / toilet and back again. I thought about using 'the claw' but I felt it wouldn't work so didn't.

My mate kept a constant dialogue in my ear about how we were too old and the girls were too good looking for us. He would point out some girl and say he knew her dad. This wasn't helping me at all. I told him I didn't think that way anymore, it's very negative.

I noticed a few guys were sarging pretty good. One guy next to me went for a makeout with a girl and she head turned and just gave him a hug, then moved away. But he just moved onto another one and tried the same with her and this time he got the makeout and then lifted her off her feet.

I got that shit thought again where it was like everyone was having a good time except me. Went in my head. Started off the night well , chatty then let it dissipate because I didn't approach. When I eventually got in sets I didn't stick it out. This is becoming an issue. I need to stay in sets as long as I can.

When I chatted to my wing later, who I met in another bar, he was saying that he doesn't pull here as the girls are too hot and aloof. We agreed to go somewhere where there's more 7's that are just out to meet guys. This sounds like a good idea to me.

Serendipity you've read a lot of books but you seem to have a nervous block just stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do, not skill or attractiveness.

Reading your field reports you've only been blown out by one girl on your last 3 nights out and by the sounds of things that wasn't due to anything you did per se (i'll get back to that shortly) and you have had positive responses elsewhere but just haven't followed it through but ejected or let them walk away.

You're breaking down your interactions so much - intensity, rapport, laser eyes and whatever other PUA terms you wish to use but it seems obvious where your game is falling down.

Your touching/kino and escalating it what is holding you back. If you can open and hold good conversations but your just not closing it's because you're not touching enough and making them feel at ease with you.

Tapping a girl on her shoulder is the physical equivalent of saying Ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-scuse m-m-m-me

Practise touching more, put your hand on her shoulder and leave it there until you have a couple of seconds of eye contact. Allow yourself to touch them straight away - not in a handsy pervert way but allow your legs to tough and stay there. Emphasise points by touching her thigh or fore-arm/elblow and use the loudness of pubs and settings to move in closer to hear her (not for her to hear you - your voice should be strong enough to do this)

Also if a girl is being taken away by her mates to go home/do whatever grab her number so you can practise text game maybe even get laid

Thanks Dale. Yeah, as you say I've had quite a few good interactions but just not tried to escalate to any extent. I think I have got some anxiety lurking in my head about touching. It does seem easier to do it straight away, like when I took that girls hand the other week as I opened. It was then easy and natural to do stuff like high fiving, which we did a few times. She was comfortable with me. But then instead of getting in closer and keeping the touching going I bailed out.

It's definitely the thing that's blocking me now (blocking myself). I'll try what you said and see how it goes. And grabbing the number before they leave is also something I should get in the habit of doing.

If your looking for a little bit of a cheat way I used to do something with their hand, ask them about rings/read palm/discuss nail polish (i used to paint character on my ring finger and pinky) and then I just used to keep hold of their hand

I was at the gym today and it cleared my head. On the drive back it suddenly occurred to me what I think the root of the problem is. It's not the actual touching part, I'm quite tactile with people and okay with touching. The problem is I'm not taking the lead. I'm not initiating things. It's as if I'm waiting for the girl to give me permission.

On quite a few interactions I've noticed they'll touch my arm or hand at certain times when they're speaking. But even then I've been like a lump of wood...not responding. I'll need to force it a bit until I start to do it automatically. I need to practice this until it becomes more natural.

Just came across this in a classic RSD post by Jeffy on the RSD Wiki that's useful:

"I get frustrated when I see guys talking to these girls for hours on end without doing anything to escalate things toward a situation where things get physical. Like, it's three hours in and they haven't even touched her on the arm.

I think a big reason guys do this is because they're afraid to get blown out. Like, they think, "Ok, this is going great, she's laughing at my jokes and we're vibing really well, I better not screw it up by trying to escalate."

News flash, man... if they're sticking around, it's highly likely that they know what's going on, and they EXPECT you to escalate.

These girls have reasonable expectations that you're gonna step up at some point and take things to the next level. Don't let them down. It's just tacky.

Remember, once a girl's attracted to you, there's a WINDOW of time in which you can "strike" so to speak. Once that window's closed, you're done, bro.

Always have a direction, and always be moving the set forward in that direction."

I like that you've established what youre lacking, but I think you should relax a bit with the material. I'm sure you know it's not a pattern or plan you need to follow. You know the basics now work it girllll!

Just a throw out there, I know when you go out you drink and from what I read you have a hangover the next morning. I've noticed when I'm drinking and chatting to birds I'm not actively contributing. The alcohol is a good way to help me get into set, but the rest I'm lacking. Take this as a pinch of salt but maybe drink a little less

I know this is a bit of an issue I have. I use alcohol to relax and shut up my negative internal dialogue, then I can get in state and I'm unfiltered. But I also get a bit obnoxious. Not too bad but this isn't intentional. If I didn't drink I probably would never get out of my head.

I've never pulled or had sex sober or without being on drink / drugs. But it's been crazy and very good or a disaster. When you do drink and drugs nothing is half measure. It's either all good or all bad. I don't do drugs anymore and not for a long time. T

That seems to say a lot about me and the emotional problems I've had over the years and that have held me back. It's fucking tragic, it's pathetic, it's weak, it's unattractive, it's self -defeating, it's lowering self esteem and confidence, it's a never ending cycle of doom, it's turning your life into a piece of shit and I knew it had to stop. I'll be the first to admit that it was self indulgent but I though it was real. I recently realised thoughts and emotions you have aren't real, they are just fiction. And it's why I drew the line and said ..no more, no more.

I'm just trying to break out of the prison cell and set it all right. I'm starting to achieve that. It's hard but if it was easy I would think there was something wrong. Nothing that is worthwhile doing is easy.

I'm sooo fucking determined to get out of it, and I will. I know I've got it in me to succeed. I've succeeded in other areas of my life. Why would some girls defeat me. I'm going to fucking beat this challenge. I'm making it my life's work. In no way I am I blaming women. I'm past that.

It's down to me to just grow up, mature and get on with life, whatever it takes. I've been through the women hating stage. I'm beyond that now. I realised I like women and a lot of them like me too. I'm moving closer to connecting with them. It's just a bumpy ride still. You'll see that from my FR.

Saturday 25 Jan 14

I couldn't sleep tonight, probably due to the vodka and red bull and exciting night / morning I had. So I just typed the FR. It's long but I hope you can take the time to read it. As usual it's interleaved with my deeper thoughts on stuff.

SmileyK came up to join me in Luton and my wing from my home town came later on. This was a last minute arrangement. It was cool. He turned up in my local. It was a culture shock because this is the first time a PU mate has met my ordinary mates...two worlds collide so to speak, Haha I loved it. They liked him right away cause he's a cool guy. And they are good guys too. SmileyK mentioned "the forum" and I was like fuck don't mention that. But it was so outside their reality it didn't register LOL. It was great to have a forum mate into my wee world for a while.

The town where we headed to in search of chicks (Luton) wasn't that busy but there were enough girls in the clubby bar that we were in. There was a dance floor and the bass was pumping so we were in the zone. I'm hoping SmileyK enjoyed it. I think he did. It got busier as the night went on, after midnight. I was getting quite drunk but was holding up okay. I was chatting, dancing and getting physical with girls and was having a good night. We had loads of good interactions.

I was kinoing on the dance floor. I deliberately forced the kino. I wasn't a perv but I touched females gently as we danced. But it was a bit forced. At some point late on security approached me and said If I didn't leave some girls alone, who had complained about me (touching them), I would have to leave. I was quite shocked about that and had a chat with the security guy telling him exactly what I did. He agreed with me that I wasn't being a nuisance but he said he was just doing his job. So I said I wasn't going to talk to those girls again anyway. But especially if they had complained about me. I still don't understand why they complained about me. They didn't complain to me directly so I guess they just went straight to security because I made them feel uncomfortable.

I'm just sorry that what I thought was having fun they took as creepy/ threatening. Nothing could have been further from my intentions. It just proves the concept that if you are forcing , girls take it as creepy, if you are naturally abundant and just having a laugh then you're cool. Two different worlds. At the moment I'm in the wrong one. But that will change one day soon. There's a world of difference between a newbie trying to do something and an ubundant PUA doing the same thing. As a newbie you just won't get away with it I'm afraid. You have to work your way up the steps. It's the hard slog that you have to go through. Sorry but there's no shortcuts.

With hindsight I probably overegged the kino pudding a bit. I just wanted to push it a bit. I wasn't crass, I maybe just creeped them out a bit. It's difficult to win with women when you're a wet behind the ears newbie at kino and maybe a bit desperate to progress your game. But you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Fuck it. It doesn't surprise me most guys give up around this point.

But there's one thing you can know about me. When there's something I'm passionate about achieving I don't quit, no matter how adverse the odds. I never, never, never, never give up. That's a quote from one of my heroes, Winston Churchill. If it's the last thing I do I'll figure this puzzle out. Not meaning I'll understand it all but I'll get to competence. I'll get laid. I've never totally failed at anything I've applied myself to. Blood, sweat and tears, it just makes me work even harder.

It's a bit of a blow, a slap in the face, but fuck it, I'm getting used to this in learning pickup, it's not the end of my world. I'm still alive and kicking. At least I pushed it on tonight, I wasn't a total chode. I just got the calibration wrong one time with those girls. Lots of other girls liked me. I was talking with and touching loads of girls and most of them didn't complain. Some girls are just a bit bitchy for some reason. For all I know those girls complain to security every week. As I say the security guy seemed to be on my side. Who cares who's to blame anyway. It's inconsequential.

In a way I'm quite pleased about this because I'm finally moving away from "the friendly guy curse" and indifference from women (another curse). The friendly / nice guy that never gets the girl and they just forget him instantly. That doesn't mean I want to be be the scary obnoxious creepy guy either, but at least I've managed to move somewhere different. I said in previous FRs that I need to make some mistakes to progress. Fear of making mistakes will only hold you back. It's fucking humiliating but who cares. You can be the same as always and safe for your whole life but you'll never get anywhere. I frightened some girls...good. It shows I pushed the envelope, maybe a bit clumsy, but I'll refine it.

Now, if I could adjust to somewhere in between those two extremes I could be the attractive guy most of the time. Add some game skills and I might be able to get laid. I think it's good to play around with your identity. Most people are just stuck with what they think they've been stuck with. The thing I love about this forum, self-help and pickup is everyone who is interested in this is not interested in standing still or closing down their perceptions. Getting stale and lying down and dying. We want to get up and shout in the faces of the boring bastards that dominate our lives. It takes a lot of courage to stand on your own two feet, walk up to a woman you want and lay yourself out bare to be judged and rejected and complained about. Most guys just can't do it. They won't do it and can't. We should never forget that fact. It's the reason why I have so much respect for the guys on this forum who have done it. I've never met anyone else who did or can do it.

I danced and I held some women's hands and touched their hips lightly. So they thought it was creepy and they complained to security about me. To be honest I don't really give a fuck what they think. Because they wouldn't have complained that a guy was too timid towards them. I guess I have to dial it down a bit. But I'm also guessing if it had been a really good looking guy who did the same thing they wouldn't have complained to security about him?

What I mean is I got it wrong obviously in one case and went too far with that woman. But it was more misjudging the woman rather than going over the mark. Looking back I think it was just one girl that complained. The other girls I was touching and dancing with were enjoying it. I wasn't groping, it was just hand on shoulder, arm and maybe hips when we were dancing together. need to watch how one little thing like this can get in your head and start to totally fuck you up. So women hate you for being timid and hate you if you touch them. No wonder I gave up on women years ago. They damn you if you don't and then damn you if you do. Well whatever. I'll get it right soon. Let me vent my spleen for now.

I have spend the last year trying to unwire all the shit that got programmed into my brain about a negative self- image. I'm not going down the same track. Obviously I don't want to be acting like a dick. Maybe sometimes I have. But that doesn't define me and it's nothing to do with my worth as a valuable human being.

Fuck it. I'll work hard to be the best I can be but I'm not going to be ashamed of trying something different, even if I get it wrong 20% of the time. It's still worth it to me to plough on.

I'm a newbie and I fucked up a few times. It's embarrassing but better than not doing anything at all.

You think your identity is a fixed thing. It's not, you can change it. experiment with who you can be and hone it into what you want. This is a very possible task. And you have to do it, not for anyone else, just for yourself. Just treat it as your social experiment. It takes the personal element out of it.

If you meet a woman along the way and you decide to settle for that then that's great. But please don't expect me to live by the same rules or principles as you do. And don't judge me on what I did and all my flaws. I am by nature imperfect, flawed, human. I am what In am.

Dear reader...please don't get the wrong impression from my introspective FR. It was a shit hot night tonight...more please!