I just had a phone conversation with an old friend. He doesn't know about pickup (he's been married for years) but I told him about my night out last night. He's a perceptive guy.

I was moaning about the guys who seem to just appear while I'm chatting to a girl and hover there. He pointed out that bringing the guy into the conversation (which we did) is something he thinks would only serve to impress a girl about your character.

This shows you're not immature or jealous which isn't what she's looking for. It also shows you can stand your ground up to a point and don't disappear at the first sign of possible trouble (especially if it's an amog). It shows you are authentic and not self-centred. This is all good.

I never thought of it that way until now. What I've been perceiving as a problem is actually something that can help give you an advantage. He also said I should have got the number as it only takes a few seconds to ask!

It reminded me that there's two main things a girl looks at to form an impression about you. One is how you interact with her. The other is how you interact with other people. I suppose this is the mixed set thing that I've been avoiding the approaches on. I've remembered that last night I had good interactions with guys I didn't know. I've got the skills I just need to not get in my own way.

Your friend is on the money - the last thing you want to do is see a guy as a threat, particularly if he is a friend of a girl. One of 2 things usually happens:
1) The guy is cool (man of abundance) - if you are cool with him, then usually he will leave you to it or not get in your way;
2) The guy is not cool (scarcity mindset) - in this case, all you do is hold the frame, then he looks like the dick.

No shame in doing this, no shame at all. Almost see yourself as the fire of positivity - some people will get burned and move away, others will be drawn to it.

Getting out there is ALWAYS a positive, that's what you need to remember at the end of the night. Ask the question 'Did I enjoy myself?' If not, what will you do differently next time?

I've noticed if it's the boyfriend the girl will usually lean into him as soon as he appears. If it's a friend she doesn't do that. I could be wrong but that's what I think it is. The last few interactions their was no leaning in and the guys seemed cool. So I probably ejected too soon.

But as you say it's all positive. If I hadn't gone out I wouldn't have learned anything. And yeah, I did enjoy myself. I would just cut down on the booze next time.

Friday 10/1/14

Met up with some of the guys from the forum at the porterhouse bar.

It was quieter than usual but there was a reasonable amount of girls. While I was waiting for the others to arrive I opened an attractive dark haired girl standing near me in the smoking area with a comment about the rain but she wasn't receptive. She was waiting for her girlfriend who was at the bar getting the drinks.

I found it hard work to get in a social mood. Alcohol and having a laugh with the guys helped and I gradually started to loosen up. I was constantly checking the time because I didn't want to drink too much or stay out too late. I didn't manage to stick to that plan.

Went a wander around with Top Hat and he opened a couple of sets. One was a pretty Swedish girl with dark hair. It was a fun interaction as we scolded her for not being blonde. Top Hat opened another two girls and we had a chat with them that was good fun too. I was being more tactile than usual but I wasn't great with conversation. I was in my head too much.

Memory is hazy but I think I opened a couple of girls at the downstairs bar where a band was playing. It was louder and busier which seemed to make it easier for me to open. Later I went with Stein to another bar that was busier. I was getting in the mood and drunk but had about half an hour where I was outside my head and enjoying myself, had a dance, quite free flowing.

I was continuing my thing of being tactile and put my arm around the shoulder of a girl who was with her friend. Both blondes, the other one was cute. The one I had my arm around didn't like it and pushed me away. I got that spotlight effect where I felt as if everyone saw this happening. That was the end of my free flowing good mood.

My drink got slopped down my front a few times from elbows as I was moving through the crowd. Things got progressively hazy and I got weary... glucose crash time. On the way home I realised I was really hungry.

I had paced myself okay for the time I was in the first bar and should have gone home after that as I'd planned. Anyway it was good to get out and about, meet the guys from the forum and chat to some girls.

Now I'm getting more reference experiences I'm starting to be able to compare the good and not so good interactions I've had. The best ones have been when I was accidentally "just being myself". The more I'm thinking about game the further I seem to move away from that.

And I've been getting ahead of myself lately. So what I should do is wind back a bit to who I was before but with the added confidence of being able to chat to girls I don't know. I'm feeling tired after last night but want to go out again tonight. I won't be drinking as much as last night, just chill with mates and see what happens.

I was feeling a bit down today. Just the dark cloud that comes with a hangover and thinking about getting the push-off last night from that girl.

Then I remembered something my sister in law said to me when I was visiting Scotland in the summer. She said "I guarantee you that any girl would be over the moon to have you as her boyfriend, just be yourself".

I know she's related to me but I could tell it was a genuine compliment. She's known me 30 odd years. A bad reaction from a random girl who doesn't know anything about me means nothing compared to that.

Anyway that's enough self-pity! I'm going out tonight.

So you let some drunk girl in a club spoil the next 48 hrs, come on fella!
Get your coat on, get out and focus on your mates for the night:-)
Forget game theory, kino, pua martial ninja stuff, just get back to being you.
The girls will be waiting when your head is clear again, as you well know!
See you soon.

"Clear eyes, full heart, cant lose!"

Thanks dudes. It was really good us having a chat last night. I got a massive amount out of that, I think we all got something out of that face to face contact. It's hard to combine a night of talking with your mates who are on the same track and then go and chat to girls. But we all did it. It was cool.

I'll admit I got a bit too aggressive later on (that's why the girl quite rightly pushed me away, I think it's to do with not wanking for a week). Stein saved me from getting into a fight with a guy in the coat queue and I'm grateful for him turning up when he did to back me up and diffuse the situation. I think I was just too drunk and went into alpha mode. But not the attractive version.

I had it handled I think but it could have escalated quite easy. I kicked the nearest wall as hard as I could just to show I was up for it. Then I told the guy to piss off. He backed down. He shit himself but still I shouldn't be putting myself in that kind of stupid situation. One day I'll pick on the wrong guy (I'm all of 5' 6" and 10 stone). I want to be much more in control than that.

You have to keep control of yourself all the time. I'm an impulsive and emotional guy at times so it's not always easy for me to step back. I can react sometimes without thinking. The glucose crash / booze thing just makes that worse. But at the same time I'm the most loyal fucker you'll ever meet. I wouldn't desert a friend ever.

I think I managed to redeem myself tonight and I'll post a FR about that.

Saturday 11/1/14

Tonight was really good. I just settled into being myself. I was not looking to do anything, I was just being (Barney Stinson will appreciate this). I got IoI's but wasn't dependant on them and I didn't jump in.

There was no pressure other than the pressure I put on myself. I had the crack with my mates and when there was a natural pause I went and approached a woman who had caught my eye. We had a brief interaction then I went back to my mates when it was on a high point.

When I went back to them at another natural break in the night with my mates they were already open to me and we just continued on. I never let closing enter my head. This is local so I'm treating it as the long game.

My mate couldn't believe I was chatting up girls so much younger than me. But I said to him it's not that they have a problem with your age, it's more that you have a problem with your age. After I said this he started to realise it was true.

All my interactions tonight were natural and went well. I felt that I had value and didn't need to demonstrate or prove it. Without going into the details of each interaction I can confidently say they were all good.

It was really worth making the effort to go out again tonight.