The only thought of pickup I had in my mind before I went out last night was something that stuck in my mind from the blueprint decoded. Tyler tells us that you need to understand you don't need a pickup guru or any routines, lines or tactics. There's no tactic! Understand that your personality alone is enough.

So with that in mind I went forth. At the beginning of the night I felt off. I talked over my mates then apologised. Then I didn't get a chance to say what it was I was going to say. I made a joke that fell flat. Nothing was hitting at all. But I'm realising now this is normal early on in the night. I'm also realising the worst thing you can do at this point is to go in your head in an attempt to 'fix' or control things. Just stay present. Things are what they are. Feel yourself breathing. Stare vacantly into the distance. Do not think!

As the night progressed I was social and chatting to anyone. There were two interactions worth describing.

1- I chatted to this blonde girl in the smoking area. She was tipsy and giggling. I was laughing at her laughing which made her laugh, etc. She ended up hanging onto my arm. It was like I was the oak tree and she was the squirrel running around. It was cool.

A guy appeared and asked what was going on (not in an aggressive way). But he quickly realised I was a cool guy and didn't feel threatened by him. Because of that he didn't feel threatened by me either or over react and everything was just fine. I was happy with the way things were.

2 - Two brunettes seated on bar stools at a table. They see me approach and I go around behind so I'm standing between them (not leaning over their table). I introduce myself to the first girl, hand shake, names. We have a chat then I turn to her friend and do the same thing. Only this one doesn't let go of my hand. So what starts out as a handshake turns into just holding hands. I can't remember what we talked about. I was getting a rush from the contact and I assume she was as well.

I was holding her hand and speaking to her friend at the same time. Keeping them both happy. It was like we were now in our own little bubble, on the same team. I left after maybe 5 minutes. I went back 20 minutes later and we had a similar interaction to the first time.

I didn't go for numbers because I didn't want to go in my head to think the logic of how to do it. In any case, I would prefer to get to the point where they are offering me their number.

I'm feeling very positive about everything today

I realized it wasn't really me as a person i.e. my personality, characteristics, that needed to change, it was my attitude. My characteristics and personality are important; they are my authenticity.

When I started to change my attitude it had and is still having a ripple effect. It feels like I'm changing myself at the core. I'm becoming the person I want and should be by being who I want to be and this is also helping me iron out some things I'm not too pleased with.

This is quite interesting, when you speak of your attitude, what do you mean?
Do you mean your attitude towards your goals outside of game, your openness towards people?

Much of what I mean by 'attitude' can be defined as Ego. I thought my Ego was pritty small so when I think of it I picture a ping pong sized Ego; nothing significant at all. My attitude, which includes, how I speak to people, how I react, my frame of mind etc.. and even stuff like sticking to a plan/goals. This was the problem; my attitude was shit.

I think this way of thinking opened up when I put "being not doing" and looking at the stars together. Made me realize just how low in significance any approach or whatever actually is. Why be bothered about something that isn't significant enough to be remembered? To be honest, I probably wouldn't remember a bad approach after a week or so and I can well imagine the girl wouldn't remember a shitty approach after a day or 2. It's insignificant.

After that it was like a new lease of life. My attitude is working for me now, not against me and it's helping me produce awesome interactions. My Ego was huge. My attitude has changed both in and out of game; I feel that if you only change one side then you're effectively hiding the problems. Similar to the band aid analogy.


For instance, escalating and closing. I was terrible. I've made changes to my attitude. I'm closing like wild fire right now. Literally just talking to a lass about her boobs. She doesn't like them because they're big, I disagree, they look great when you're bouncing up and down, trust me!

I'd scare away from stuff like that before.

As your confidence grows you lose the need for the band aid solutions that you used to use as a shield. By dropping the shield you let your personality come through, letting the chips fall where they may, and it shows that you are a man who is comfortable in his own skin. It's a very attractive quality. women seem to be attuned to looking for and sensing this quality in a man.

Still piecing together bits of Fri night / Sat morning. Head is starting to clear.

I remember that with the push-off girl, I didn't fancy her, it was her friend I was after. But as I've learned you have to win over the friend first or she'll just block you. She blocked me right away (physically) but I didn't give up at that.

She went to talk to some other girls or go to the bar and I spotted that the friend was on her own. She made eye contact with me and grinned. So I approached her and took her hand. She was into it but when I saw the friend coming back I bailed. I didn't want to get punched or a drink over me. It was after that I went to the dance floor. I think I high fived a girl dancing near me and she seemed into it but I didn't follow up.

Friday 17 Jan 14

*Long blog style FR alert* ...put the kettle on.

Was supposed to be out in London tonight but the train system went down this morning so it was a no go. In the afternoon I strode into the hairdressers, which was empty apart from the 3 women who work there, and said to them in turn: "you finish your coffee and biscuit. You read your magazine. And you can tell me where the best night clubs around Luton are" (with a smirk).

One of them said are you gay? (well she actually said gay clubs? and I said no just ordinary ones) I didn't give a shit what I was saying for some reason, I was in a fuck everybody mood. I sat down and got a haircut. I like ordering women around (in a cocky not a rude way) and they love it too. Never give explanations. Even though they might go "ooh what an arrogant bastard he is". We had a good laugh. It was all good. I'm realising pussyfooting around with women earns you no favours whatsoever in the long run, they fucking detest it. So go in as hard as you can, you can always pull back a bit later. I wanted to maintain that attitude for the evening but it dissipated unfortunately.

I go out locally in the evening. Things still haven't picked up since new year I notice. Nobody has money and the town isn't buzzing on weekends the way it usually is. I'm lucky I get paid mid-month so I am up for it even if no one else is.

It seems like there are about four guys chasing every fuckable woman out tonight (that's the case later on anyway). In the past those odds would have been enough for me to get pissed and go home for a wank. But that's not the way it is anymore. I like the challenge.

It turns out that one those two girls I approached last week, my mate was getting on well with. I take it the one I wasn't holding hands with and I was too absorbed to notice he had followed up on the other one. So he was quite keen to see if they were around again. There was a very strong smell of BO near us in the pub and I was fucking praying it wasn't my mate in case these two girls were out.

Thankfully it wasn't him. Unfortunately the girls weren't out. But it's always another few quid in the bank. We might see them out again. I would be over the moon if my mate met a girl. I don't worry so much for myself at the moment cause I'm on the path. I would like to think I could help others with their situations / goals as I'm learning and developing my own.

I think it's important to do that and I'm trying to do it in as gentle a way as possible. I'm saying things to them like "if you want a woman you have to go and get her". It's basic stuff but it's gradually sinking in. I should be listening to it myself. It's just motivational stuff.

They've been jilted, divorced and generally fucked about by women and by their own negative beliefs. I think they are bitter. Like me, they've been disillusioned but I'm telling them it's not the end of the story. Wounds can be healed and I'm showing them by my own example it's fixable. The biggest issue I've had to deal with is jealousy. Ironically from the people I'm helping.

Your friends don't like it if you improve yourself. They compare themselves to you. It's the ego at work. They are very uptight about girls. They put any attractive woman on a very high pedestal and would never approach. I was like that too. I just decided, out of a pit deep depression that I was going to become good with women no matter what it took and not give a fuck what anyone else thought about that.

I approach the best looking girl in the bar who's not with a guy just to show them it's not that difficult. If I get blown out it doesn't bother me so much now. The sting of rejection is getting less and less each time.

anyway back to the night..

A girl I approached tonight refused to even tell me her name. Not being funny either. She was absolutely serious "no I'm not giving you my name!" ha ha. I said "okay have a good night then, whatever your name is". Anytime I do a shoulder tap in this place I get a bad reaction for some reason. I was thinking of teasing her more but I could see in her eyes she wasn't up for it and so I bailed. I'm not a cunt. You have to know when to quit. I just used to quit too easy so I'm pushing harder now to understand where that point actually is. In another situation that might have been a come on. But I'm sure I'll get to the point where I can tell the difference. It's reference experiences.

But no man is an island. We all need some support. But It's not always easy to find. I had a rough time for about 15 years at least. Mostly down to lack of success with women and how that affected my mental state in general. Then the negative state affected my performance in trying to talk to women...the vicious cycle went on and on and on until I just avoided women and social situations altogether, seeing it all as unfathomable. I've been through all that bullshit. I've no excuses left either (or I've deliberately let go of them). So in a way it's easier for me than the younger guys who haven't been through all that. But it's harder because I'm further down the road and have less time to fuck it up.

Back to the night...

Saw some hot girls but didn't feel intimidated. But then I asked myself "then why the fuck aren't you approaching them?". Good question! There were three , four and five sets of attractive girls that I bottled approaching. Got close to doing it but didn't do it. That's bothering me at the moment. Could you get it in your reality that they might just like you for being you. But you'll never find out if you don't have the balls to approach. There's still work to be done.

By the time I got in the right zone (alcohol reducing inhibitions) it seemed like a lot of the best ones had gone home or somewhere more exciting. I need to be getting off the starting blocks much sooner. It was just lack of confidence and laziness (AA has morphed into something new).

Then I thought "maybe I could just try. Isn't it so cool to upset the odds?"

And the results weren't bad at all for the level I am at. I approached a few sets, got blown out by one, got on great with the others (all I do now is approach in as straight a line as is possible, stand square on, look them in the eyes and say "Hi, I'm Dave how you doing, who are you" that's all I do now. The one I had the 10-15 minute convo with said she had a boyfriend so I didn't escalate but we had a great convo all the same. It just came from saying hi so I was pleased with that. But I couldn't help looking at her lips. It would be nice to get a makeout. Next weekend I'm going somewhere where there's more women and they are a bit more...single.

I could see that escalation would have been pretty easy if she hadn't mentioned the bf. This was a 4 set where her 3 friends left us alone. She stayed to talk anyway and so did I for some insane reason. There wasn't enough women in the place as it was getting late. Didn't go hunting for new ones. But I did enjoy the convo and so did she. If I had started approaching like this earlier in the night it could have yielded some results. But I seem to need 4 beers to even get going. Not just AA but to get the feeling I want to be approaching.

The shy one in the corner who kept looking at me, I never approached. So I was a pussy. She looked like she wasn't having a good night because her girlfriends were hotter girls and were getting hit on and having a great time. It must be shit sometimes being a girl. I'm much more sympathetic to girls since I got into pickup.

II had some quality time with my mates. I walked home. I would have loved to have pulled a hottie and fucked her but it didn't happen tonight.

That's the way it goes but I'm not sad. I had a good night.

Looking forward to tomorrow. I still love learning pickup. It's doing me good.

I'll end this ramble with a quote Jeffy used:

When we are young we worry what people think about us.
When we are middle aged we don't care what people think about us.
When we are old we realise nobody was even thinking about us.

One of the approaches I did last night was a girl who was standing near the bouncer. I wasn't aware at the time he was watching / listening to the interaction. But after it ended he came over and said he was quite impressed with how I did it. I must be making progress.

I noticed tonight, that bouncer has a new respect for me now. I know it's simply because I did something that he recognised as requiring some balls and he's not seen many guys doing that. If you show you have balls, men and women appreciate it. It's a win win situation.

It's worth bearing in mind. You can't actually lose by being bold and just going for what you want. It is impossible to lose from taking that action when you are being true to yourself and what you want to be. Get that in your head and things start to fit in place easier.

Rejection is nothing compared to what you gain from taking the action. It's not taking the action that worms it's way into your self-esteem and starts to break you down, not rejection. It's a no brainer. Rejection is fuck all in comparison to plumbing the depths of despair because you start thinking you're not worthy. Rejection is so temporary you can dismiss it.

Just go for it. Don't hold yourself back. Understand that you can only win from this mindset and taking the action.

Saturday 18 Jan 14

Was tired but went out tonight. It's so damn quiet at the moment.

Went to my local. I'm starting to get oneitis over a thai girl that works there. We made eye contact and smiled at each other. I got a fantasy about doing sordid things to her. She is very very cute. I just had this image of me touching her little cutie nose, making out with her and then a 1/2 hour romp in bed that she'd never forget.

Me and a mate then moved on to a local pub where a live band were playing. The band were really good and we both enjoyed it. But it was always in the back of my mind that I should be searching for girls. But it was just a bunch of folks letting their hair down and having a good time.

Very few available women. But there was a blonde milf I saw that I really wanted to fuck. She wasn't available but I couldn't help thinking about what sort of things we could have got up to together if she was single. There was eye contact going on. I think she could tell I had a hard on.

Got talking to a guy in the smoking area. There were two nice looking young girls who came in and sat at seats behind us. It was annoying because where we were I had to make a really obvious move to get eye contact and I was listening to this guy so couldn't.

But it crossed my mind just to turn around and open them. I even had a guy there who I could have drafted in to wing. I think he was single too. It would have been sooo easy. Kicking myself now. Rap on the nuckles from teacher, don't let it happen again!

I caught the female singer of the band after they finished for a chat. A redhead. She said her fulltime job was as an opera singer. I commended her on her performance. She was flattered.

That thai girl though...mmm. No behave. All I think about is girls.