Broadswords Thread

[nova]

I totally get this confusion. One the one hand you hear ‘show disinterest’, but then on the other ‘be direct’. You need to just try out these things and work out what works best for you. With me, I love being quite sexual and direct as soon as I meet them. I will flirt and show disinterest, but that comes later. What you say is pretty insignificant, it’s mainly communicated through your voice tone, eye contact and body language.

But anyway, for yourself, try go in communicate this through your words, tell them you think they’re cute/pretty/beautiful/sexy, etc. Do it 100 times, then see how you feel about it all.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Originally Posted by nova

I totally get this confusion. One the one hand you hear ‘show disinterest’, but then on the other ‘be direct’. You need to just try out these things and work out what works best for you. With me, I love being quite sexual and direct as soon as I meet them. I will flirt and show disinterest, but that comes later. What you say is pretty insignificant, it’s mainly communicated through your voice tone, eye contact and body language.

But anyway, for yourself, try go in communicate this through your words, tell them you think they’re cute/pretty/beautiful/sexy, etc. Do it 100 times, then see how you feel about it all.

Yeah, actions speak louder than words I guess. I read through your day game field reports & noticed your almost always pretty forward with no fear or holding back with your intentions & your pretty successful with it.

But that's probably because your extremely confident & believe in what your doing. There is also the issue that you may be pretty good looking which helps (although I'm not going to use looks as an excuse).

It's something I've been thinking about for a while now; I'm having plenty of friendly interactions with women but I'm beginning to hit a wall and I'm getting a bit fed up of having nice pleasant conversations now. I'd like to try take things further.

The fear I have of doing this is that I'm going to come across like a creep/weirdo/sleaze as a result of not being confident enough....women will latch onto this lack of confidence and see through it. That's where the whole projection of body language and non verbal cues comes from.

[Serendipity]

I think with a lot of this stuff verbal and non-verbal there's a very fine line between what works and what doesn't in a particular context. It's very subtle. A lot of it depends on the intent, congruence and core confidence behind it. Appearance is quite a small factor compared to these other ones imo.

If you're thinking that you're going to come across as creepy, then that's probably the way it will come across. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand if you're comfortable with your own sexuality and confident in expressing it to a woman then saying exactly the same thing could seem attractive rather than creepy. The same goes for kino.

But the more you go out and do it the more comfortable you'll become with seeing yourself that way. I think you're like me, you've got some unwiring to do. Some of it might need a jackhammer taken to it. The equivalent of the jackhammer is putting yourself out there and trying different things, no matter how uncomfortable it feels at first.

I'm quite a big fan of innuendo at the moment. You can bring sex into the convo that way and it can be as subtle as you want to make it. But it reveals what's on your mind. No need to overdo it either, you only need to communicate the sexual part sandwiched between two bits of boring convo. Don't worry, she'll pick up on it.

Quite extreme example, probably only for the pros but the PUA Jeffy said he would sometimes drop into the convo "I'll fuck you in the ass in the toilets" then quickly move onto to some normal bit of conversation. Like the verbal equivalent of flash frames. Men get these thoughts, you have to be comfortable with that and not think being a nice guy is all there is to your identity. It's not. You can be a bad ass as well. With me it comes out when I'm drunk.

[markuk]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

I think I'm just going to (try) and be pretty direct off the bat. I'm a bit confused because you read that your never supposed to make it totally obvious your interested in someone or comment on their physical appearance.

I know exactly what you mean by this. There is a lot of conflicting advice.
I agree in what Nova is saying and what a lot of successful guys say, which is pretty much to go out lots and try different things. Eventually you'll develop your own approach.

I was thinking this today at work, how easy my job is now and comparing it to years ago when I found software development really hard. I just kept pushing myself and kept failing but I eventually got good at it.

It's the same with anything, I guess with women's it's more scary, ego is on the line.

I am pretty sure the girls I've recently been in contact with have all gone cold because I didn't show enough intent. I actually am pleased they went cold on me. Now I know what I was doing was not working so I have to adapt.

I am really going to push myself to be more direct.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Truth is I'm scared.

There, I admit it.

There's a saying "What would you do if you weren't scared?" and its so true.

This isn't just to do with women. I've been saying to myself there's things I want to do for years & I never do them:

1. I'm scared to try & stop smoking in case I can't manage without them.
2. I'm scared to go to the gym in case I don't manage it or look like a fool.
3. I'm scared to look for a new job because I'm worried no one will employ me.
4. I'm scared to try things with woman in case I get rejected.

I'm aware you don't get anywhere in life being scared & not taking action. I'm aware you have to expect failure, that failure can be good & the only way you move forward is by making mistakes and learning from them. I guess this perfectionist mentality I have is a huge flaw. I've never really spectacularly failed at anything because I've never really tried through fear. I just curl up into a ball. Last night I should have come home from work and looked for jobs, but instead I played Xbox all night probably sub consciously to avoid looking for jobs.

I did briefly try to stop smoking 3 years ago and I was doing ok but I caved too early. I started going to the gym/running but I gave up after a month. It seems if I don't get instant success I beat myself up or just give up at the first sign of resistance. Again perfectionist mentality, all or nothing which I know is not good.

Yet after a while I got my CV sorted out and applied for a couple of jobs, I've got an interview on Friday for probably the biggest company in the city for what I do so it can't be that bad although I'll be honest I'm not confident of getting the job. And other than that bitchy girl who shot me down on Friday, granted I've not got any "results" with woman since I came on here, I've generally had positive interactions & began to realise the main problems I have are all in my head - its probably the same with all the above, just lack of confidence and being scared of things that haven't even happened.

I know nobody is going to hold my hand and do any of this for me. A real "man" would sort his shit out. I'm 32 in a few months & I'm not living, I'm just hiding under the bed covers.

I'm aware this post is pathetic. Maybe the answer is "just stop being scared and do it", I don't know. Something needs to change.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Fucking hell that post is really pathetic. I'm not going to delete it though.

If I read someone else posting that I would tell them to get a grip of themselves and do something about it. I think I'm maybe the type of person who needs a good harsh kick in the face to spur them into action......like Kowalski's pretty harsh response to my main post when I joined here; it did give me a kick up the backside.

Think I've just done that myself.

[nova]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

I read through your day game field reports & noticed your almost always pretty forward with no fear or holding back with your intentions & your pretty successful with it.

But that's probably because your extremely confident & believe in what your doing. There is also the issue that you may be pretty good looking which helps (although I'm not going to use looks as an excuse).

Funny you would assume I was somehow good looking, as I’m not. I also am not naturally confident with girls. If you look at the first 6 months of my field report thread and you will see countless missed opportunities and me clueless how to never mind lay the girl, even kiss the girl, even though they’re sat on my fucking bed!

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

It's something I've been thinking about for a while now; I'm having plenty of friendly interactions with women but I'm beginning to hit a wall and I'm getting a bit fed up of having nice pleasant conversations now. I'd like to try take things further.

And this is why I wasn't getting laid for that first 6 months. The opportunities are there, but I wasn't taking the necessary action to get the results. So, as I see it it's time for you to start taking some serious risks and facing all your fears of rejection. After a while you’ll wonder why you were afraid in the first place. The best part is, you’ll eliminate timewaster girls as you are clear in your intent.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Yeah. It just seems scary as hell. And I'm more than likely going to suck at it and be pretty nervous/un-confident to start with. I guess its something you've got to go through to start with. I really do hope its a case of the more you do it, the better/more confident you get.

Suppose I should take my own advice I gave Serenpidity in an earlier thread: "First you do the thing your scared of, then you get the confidence".

How ironic I literally got this in an email about 5 minutes ago:

Originally Posted by Theodore Roosevelt

Inspiring quote of the day:

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything."

I suppose the blow up in my last couple of posts is result at my frustration of not being able to do things....and I'm not able to do them because I never try.

[Serendipity]

The important thing is you're being honest with yourself and have identified some deeper issues that aren't serving you well and that you know need to be addressed.

From your list, number 2 would seem a good start. You could join a gym and commit yourself to a training routine. That's what I did and it's helped a lot. I've been doing that since January. I go along even when I'm not in the mood or am tired after work. It does get easier. You start to look forward to it.

Apart from the knowledge that you've decided to do something positive for yourself and then stick to it, there's a long list of benefits from regular exercise. Including relief from stress, increased confidence and increased levels of testosterone, the male hormone.

With the extra confidence you'll be more up for trying new things that were you're nervous about. Doing those things will give you even more confidence, which makes you want to try more adventurous things, and so on...it builds up. As you've got more hormones buzzing around in you showing your intent won't be a problem either.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Yeah. I need to get my shit together. Having all this underlying stuff isnt going to help with regards to women either because I won't be fully happy.

For some reason I skimmed over some parts of Mark Manson's book Models. There's 1 chapter on beinh honest with your intentions. There's actually some good stuff in it.

I'm not going to make any wild promises or crazy statements just now that I'm going to do XYZ & get carried away. But I need to stand up and start getting my shit together.