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(#21)
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23-09-2013, 04:03 PM
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(#22)
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13-10-2013, 07:08 PM
Monday 7th October
Completely forgot about writing this up, difficult to remember it all. Decided to go Speed Dating. Not because I'm looking for the love of my life but because it might be fun, I'm forced to talk to women & I went once a year ago & absolutely loved it. After signing up for this I noticed via fb that a group of girls I'm friends with are going (they mistakenly created a public event), but I don't tell them I'm going. So I turn up, casually glide up to one of my friends and say "So, come here often?" Cue loads of hysterics and me telling them I knew all along they were going. So Speed Dating starts, to save time here's the bullet points:
The event ends & we hang around for some after drinks. It becomes really obvious that girl 15 that I liked is into one of the other guys there and to be fair he's probably the hottest guy there and a really decent bloke - they end up leaving together. The friend of mine i sort of liked also goes to a different bar with a guy she's hit it off with. After a brief while I go home. Overall a kind of "in the middle" night. 17 women, subtract 4 who i was friends with (although 5 friends one which i do like) that leaves 13 women of which i only had interest in 3 of them, one of which was too young, the other perhaps the nest of a poor bunch and the other a friend. Pretty disapointing. Most of the conversations revolved around speed dating itself. In actual fact it felt like I was meeting a load of women i was friends with as opposed to girl 15 which was disapointing. But I'm trying to take positives from it. I wasn't nervous in the SLIGHTEST. Not a bit. Maybe its slightly false as I knew 5 girls there and speed dating is a bit of a setup, but I felt perfectly fine, although slightly dangerous because I sort of feel like I was so laid back there was no energy about me. Despire my lack of interest in the bulk of the women there none of the conversations were bad & I never struggled to find anything to say at any point. I also didn;t make a big deal about spilling that girls drink but she definitly wasn;t impressed. Quite disapointing overall I never really hit it off with anyone, in stark contrast to when i did this a year ago and left absoultely buzzing and loved it. But as per above paragraph I'll just try to remember the positives, move on and give it a try next month in any case.
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(#23)
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13-10-2013, 07:33 PM
Saturday 12th October
Out for a meal for an old Uni female friends birthday. 4 of her friends from Glasgow are up and I kind of know everyone there and the meal goes fine. Its what happens when we go to the next bar that was pretty..........overwhelming. We end up playing charades in the bar upstairs and I always seem to end up as the actor, as well as going completely over the top with my impressions which has everyone in knots. I've known my Uni friend for 12 years and have met her personal friends at various times over the years when they are up in the city so i do know them, but not amazingly well. But I have interactions with 2 of them which go something like this: Girl 1: We get onto the subject of why I'm single & I tell her its because I'm terrible with women & conscious about my looks. She recalls a night out years ago when i was being flirty with her and told her she was hot (I don't remember this). She said she was kinda into me that night and thought I liked her, but then changed her mind because I never made a move & she was kinda waiting for me to do something and got disapointed I didn't. The only thing she didn't buy was how I was acting, a little too hard to impress & full of myself. She says that felt odd because I come across as a genuine guy so why was I pretending to be someone I wasn't? As for the looks thing she says she's never thought I was ugly and that from a womans point of view looks/height shouldn't matter. She also points out the bf's of the other girls there aren;t particularly tall or handsome, soemthing I never noticed until she pointed this out. In her opinion i just need to be a bit more forward without being sleazy - she tells me she reckons I'm scared of what I could achieve if I was successful, there's no reason at all why you couldn;t get a girlfriend. Girl 2: I always thought me and her had a weird vibe, like she was a bit cold toward me. This was re-inforced earlier this year when we spent a week in Chicago together as part of a group. But last night she was totally speaking away to me, laughing/joking and going on about Chicago and asking to see my pictures etc. Was the coldness all in my head? As I'm not drinking, I decide to call it a ngiht when they move onto a club. I get hand shakes etc from all the guys and friendly hugs & kisses from all the girls. When it comes to girl 1 I go to do the same and she says "Oh for Gods sake I'm not accepting a cheek" and kisses me on the lips (she;s got a boy friend back home). She's a bit pissed by this point and me and her are kind of left standing on our own as everyone heads off to the club and she says "Rememeber everything I said tonight. Your not a bad looking guy, your a decent guy. Stick to your strengths, none of this cocky full of it shite. Just be yourself.......but be a bit more forward, you need to show your intent. Don't be scared - i don't even think your scared, I think your worried about what to do next if you get some success" I'll repeat that I barely know this girl, I've met her off and on in the last 12 years. With my head spinning a bit at the conversations I've had with her tonight I go home.
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(#24)
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13-10-2013, 07:51 PM
I started this thread 3 months ago. Although I've not had any "results" with the exception of a drunk girl making out with me, I've just skimmed back through the entire thread:
1. The girl I was crazy about, that led me to this forum. The reason things never worked out was because I got nervous and never made a move. 2. I've not really done much cold approaching but on the occasions I started random convo's with strangers nothing bad happened. 3. Being more humble, genuine & taking an interest in others completely changes my interactions for the positive. 4. I commented around August I began to think my looks and my height weren't a big deal - the problems are in my head and my perceptions of me and how people look at me. 5. 2 big nights out I had sober were awesome, I really enjoyed myself by being in the moment and there's a good chance 3 women were interested in me. 6. I wasn't nervous in the slightest at speed dating. 7. Had a pretty in depth conversation with a girl I know who gave me some pretty positive feed back. I'm now 100% convinced there's nothing wrong with my looks and my height. Looking back I've not really had any bad interactions at all! (With the exception of spilling a drink at speed dating and a group of hen party girls telling me to fuck off both of which I found funny). It's always been ME that's the problem and the way I think, and perceive things. The only bad thing is point 1, the girl I liked I messed up with - but there;s no way that outcome would ever have been any different as I wasn;t confident enough. I think I've had plenty good interactions with women. I think its time to stop just having interactions and start being more direct - whether its a phone number, a make out or gosh darn it even though I'm a virgin, sexy time. I've learned a lot and become a lot more self aware in the last 3 months, but I'm not going to get anywhere standing still so I need to start pushing this to the next stage. That sounds daunting, but bizarrly when I think about these things possibly happening I actually feel kind of excited about it, and it makes me smile  I'm also pretty much done with the therapist I was seeing, I've learned some useful mental stuff from him in terms of your mind, confidence and perceptions. But I think my next session, or maybe the one after next will be the last.
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(#25)
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13-10-2013, 07:58 PM
She is bang on T money dude. Don't be someone you are not; be authentic.
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(#26)
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13-10-2013, 08:37 PM
Being pissed has probably allowed her to speak honestly. What she told you could help dispel any limiting beliefs you've been holding onto about your attractiveness to women. Just work on the assumption that you are good enough as you are and be a bit more forward like she said.
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BroadswordWSJ (13-10-2013) | ||
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(#27)
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24-11-2013, 07:16 PM
Friday 22nd November
Had a mixology night with my work. Basically a night where you learn how to make cocktails. Its definitly a female thing, as there were 30 of us there, only 3 were guys.... I wasn't really in the mood for going, long story issues with my car meant I had to borrow my Mums which meant I couldn't drink.....the irony of going to a cocktail night without drinking. I arrived and one of the guys in my team was already at a table full of women so I joined him. We sat & made general small talk, a girl to my left was pretty cute & I thought the girl in front of me was pretty cool. The girl at the far end of the table was HOT & I didn't recognise her from work. Usually when I'm out I'll take notes on my phone to remind me of stuff that happened, I didn't do that this time so its difficult to remember everything. Whilst we were waiting for our turn to make a drink I got talking to the cute girl from my table, she had all in one tight tartan dress thing on which showed off her curves which caught my eye. She totally seemed like she wanted to talk to me, there was nothing really exciting that stands out about the convo but I noticed she touched me on the shoulder or the arm quite a few times.....it wasn't until she told me she was an apprentice in her department, doing the math in my head that makes her about 19-20 which is jailbait in my book, she looked older than that! I shrugged it off and just kept talking to her and must have been with her for about 20 mins before I got called to make a cocktail. I made my drink then re-joined my colleagues. Someone found a box of stuff to where as part of the event, so before you know it I started alternating between wearing a top hat, a feather boa & a feathery scarf thing (suppose thats peacocking then.....) which was a good laugh and got some attention from the other women there. I spoke a bit with the cool girl from my table but was difficult as she was constantly on her phone or talking to her other friends. i then saw the HOT girl from before. Turns out she is the daughter of one of the women from my work & doesn't even work for my company. Unfortunatly, I was a bit overawed at how hot she was....she was totally wow. It was at this point that i then realised the negative mood I was in i mentioned at the start of the post had gone, same as before, no tightness round my mouth or anything and I felt totally relaxed. So fuck it, I decided ti try & flirt with hot girl a bit, she asked to make the strongest drink they had, i took a small sip & right enough it nearly bloew my head off. I made some comments about i bet how she likes a drink & she can get wild on a night out etc. and she was laughing back, keeping eye contact with me and like the cute girl before seemed totally fine talking to me. The money was running out on my car parking so I ran back to feed the meter, unfortunatly when i returned hot girl had left. The group was breaking up so i went to another bar with my colleagues. There were two 10's sitting next to us & I watched as some older guy went over and started talkign to them/chatting them up. It was clear they didn't want his company and he left.....the women then started laughing & taking the piss out of him. Not sure what possessed me, but I got up off my seat, went over to them and said "Do you know that guy, I thought he was your boyfriend?" (obviously joking). Straight away I knew this wasn't going to be a good interaction; the smile vanished from the girls face & the convo went a bit like this: Girl: No, he's not. Can I help you? Me: I just thought I'd come and say hey. Where have you guys been tonight? Girl: Why do you want to know, thats none of your business Me: (Smiling) Thats a bit harsh isn't it, just making conversation Girl: (Looking bored) Listen, I'm not interested. How about you just go away, there's some hot guys at the bar there we're waiting on & your going to scare them away. Me: (Still trying to be laid back smiling) How do you mean your not interested? I'm.... Girl: (Interupting): Would you just go and fuck off? Of course your interested, half the guys in this place want a piece of us. Do you really think you have a chance with us (turns to her friend whos texting on her phone laughing at this). I'm waiting for those guys at the bar, so just run along now little boy. She laughs & so does her mate, I feel pretty crippled by this so I just say fair enough, enjoy your ngiht & go back to my table. its obvious from where I'm sitting they're trying to get the attention of some guys at the bar, which they eventually do. The guys come over, buy them drinks & they are all laughing, joking etc. Eventually the guys come over with some champagne & the girls are lapping it up. The guys have probably been with them for about 45 mins when the girls say bye to the guys, and up and leave. The guys look pretty frustrated/shocked. One of the guys goes out for a smoke, I go out myself and happen to make small talk with him. He says him & his mates are pissed off at them because they reckon those girls were just up themselves, looking for drinks and attention and called them stuck up sluts. They were trying to find out where they were going next & trying to get their numbers and he said they were just giving cryptic answers. In fairness he's probably right, guess I was just unlucky they were bitches. i don't actually feel that bad getting "rejected", I knew right away when I first spoke to her it wasn't going to end well. At least I went and spoke to them i guess.
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(#28)
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24-11-2013, 07:40 PM
I can't believe looking on here my last update was over 5 weeks ago. Since then I've only had 3 nights out; 1 night where I wasn't really in the mood & nothing really to talk about, another where it was the 1st time I'd drank in 3 months & I don't remember a thing, and the above. Recently most of my time has been spent sorting out car issues, some stuff at home & looking for a new job. I had some thoughts a while back I never got round to posting though:
Whether your introverted or extroverted shouldn't mean anything. Introverts seem to get some negative deal because they are not as common but I really need to stop saying "I'm an introvert" because it just sounds negative. The only thing perhaps with being introverted is that although I would say I'm pretty intelligent, I tend to overthink things and struggle to just flow with being in the moment. Any isues or problems I have are definitly in my head. Its fuck all to do with how tall i am or how I look, it just boils down to a lack of confidence & belief. I'm going to have to start being a lot more forward with women instead of pincy pansy small talk. Granted I've had some great interactions since I started documenting them on here & I'm fairly happy with that. I'd say I've also become a lot more "self aware" of whats going on when I'm interacting with women, both about them, the situation & me. I still have this big problem with kino and showing my true intentions. i think thats why at times when I'm interacting with a girl i like i feel a bit of conflict. As I've mentioned before, i am a pretty honest genuine guy.....but when I'm having a nice friendly conversation I wonder if I'm getting a bit twitchy because after a while I don't really want to have a nice friendly convo; i want to tell them I think they're hot, I want to make it obvious to them I have some forward intent. Definitly still struggling with trying to come across as more forward or more sexual. The problem I have witht his as I'm not confident at doing it, i think when I do so I'm just going to end up coming across as weird or creepy. I read on another forum what you should do when interacting with a woman your interested in you should just ask yourself: "What would a man do here?" it sounds pretty logical but not as straight forward. I mean, this whole thing isn't rocket science is it? There's obviously a lot more to it, but the black and white of things are: 1. Start a conversation, it doesn't really matter what you say 2. Smile, keep good eye contact, listen to what they say 3. Speak and move slowly. Touch them where appropriate 4. Be light hearted, laid back and funny/tease like, flirty 5. Ask for their number, go in for a kiss, take them home That's really the just of it, isn't it? There's nothing really rocket science or something special I need to do is there?
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(#29)
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24-11-2013, 10:43 PM
Quote:
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On your point number 5. Sometimes I wonder if going for the number is the easy option. I am sure a lot 'natural' guys wouldn't bother asking for a number, they'd just take the girl home and fuck her.
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(#30)
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25-11-2013, 08:39 AM
I think I'm just going to (try) and be pretty direct off the bat. I'm a bit confused because you read that your never supposed to make it totally obvious your interested in someone or comment on their physical appearance.
I'm wondering if straight from the word go if I just tell them I like their dress/hand bag/I think they look hot and just be straight up forward it might be easier. Its probably a lot more risky.......but it saves faffing about pretending to be friends etc. Might even come across as more genuine as starting off being friendly & trying to shape things the other way. At least the girl is under no illusions right form the start what my intentions are. Might be a good thing; some women maybe like a guy who is straight up and doesn't hide his intentions.
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