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(#11)
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26-08-2013, 01:18 AM
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(#12)
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26-08-2013, 09:30 AM
A lot of your post chimed with me and my experiences.
I used to think: 'I never get compliments from anyone'. Then one day someone asked me the question 'how often do you give compliments to other people?'. I realised I never did. It made me realise how wrapped up in my own thoughts I really was and it was holding me back. Your going in the right direction.
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(#13)
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26-08-2013, 10:24 AM
Even something as simple as the way you compliment someone or thank them for something. Anyone can see "Cheers, thanks" or "Your jacket looks nice" and not really put any effort into the comment or say it without any meaning.
Guess it comes back to the whole "Its not what you say its how you say it" - show genuine sincerity & compassion/emotion. Obviously when it comes to women you won't want to get carried away with that - but for example out with friends on Saturday I took the time to tell a friend I liked the way she'd done her hair (she is pretty hot and popular with guys) and her face went bright red and she was so pleased. If I can figure out how to do that in a more seductive/confident/manly way I think I'm onto a winner.
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(#14)
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26-08-2013, 05:13 PM
Yes, people can tell if you really mean the compliment or your just saying it out of politeness or because you think you should. When you really mean it, they'll get the feeling that you're taking a genuine interest in them.
Try it out on some women you feel you want to say it to and see what reaction you get. Don't try to figure out in advance how to say it - just say it. The confidence will come later after the practice. That's the way it always works.
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(#15)
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10-09-2013, 11:52 PM
Saturday September 7th
A friend of mine regularly DJ's and hosts an all day event once a month which ran on Sat. The fact that I can't drink for 3 months and my car is off the road made me not want to go but I dragged myself along. I'm glad I did...... I'd been there a while when ended up next to a girl I don't know that well; always perceived her as a bit of a bitch, bit up herself, bit of a party girl. We made some polite small talk which as usual with me and her doesn't go far...So I decided to push things a bit. I genuonly complimented some jewelry she was wearing and to my amazement she opened up, we spoke about what she was wearing briefly....then before you know it we spoke about her recent holiday, how great it was, how shes gutted to be home, her current job, her last job blah blah blah with a few laughs and jokes inbetween and I was totally amazed - always thought she was an uptight cow. Nothing really flirty or sexual but I tried to keep eye contact, listen to her & keep the convo about her and smile & I swear a few times there was some "we shared a moment" eye contact (or maybe not) Throughout different parts of the night we bumped into each other a few times and shared a couple of private jokes and when up dancing I danced with her a few times...looking back I could have pushed it but I didn't, might try harder next time. Randomly saw a girl I used to make out with in my teens that haven't seen in about 15 years, spookily had just become friends on fb about 2 weeks ago, she was totallly smashed. We spoke, joked, danced and had a god laugh and I got a few friendly kisses and hugs....but eventually I left because she was wasted and I was geting annoyed. Danced with another wasted random I don't even know - definitly a 10 but also completely off her face on drink/drugs and definitly out of my league, she wouldnt have danced with me if she was sober and I could barely understand what she was saying. Loads more dancing...loads of pics of me on fb the next day dancing, loads of pics of me with just women (the fact we had a 10/3 ratio in favour of women in our group probably helps)...you wouldn't have thought I hadn't had a drop of booze by the pics! Quite a few comments of me being a "ladies man" because of the pics also..... If bitch girl opening up to me was random, this was even weirder: I may have mentioend on here before I was bullied by girls at School? Heard a girl shouting my name; it was the one who caused me most of the grief at that time. Hadn't seen her in years....she asked me if I'd been working out, told me I looked really good, i got a friendly kiss and a hug, she told me how great it was to see me....this is a girl who used to give me panic attacks about going to School and had me in tears for constantly taunting me for being ugly....weird....she was pretty genuine with the above as well.... We moved to a club, the place was dead. One of my female friends ex's turned up which causes her a lot of grief and I spent a lot of time consoling her and making sure she was alright. I also spoke to another girl i know who's had a rough time of late and I was just listenign to her talking, I was just genuinly being nice and I complimented her a few times (she's a solid 8+ I'd say). She then asked me if I'd been working out (WTF is with everyone thinking I've been wokring out??) and after I'd complimented her she said if she didn't know better she'd think I was chatting her up...I told her that maybe I am chatting her up but if I was it would be a feeble attempt; I'd have better moves than that. She laughed and told me she'd like to maybe see those moves some day before going off to dance with her friends. I went back to my car to go home and on the way randomly saw the girl from my teens in the 3rd paragraph looking a bit more sober but struggling for a taxi home. I offered her a lift. It wasn't a long journey but we spoke about the night we just had, the last 15 years, friends we still speak to, jobs etc. When we got to her driveway she said she'd love to chat longer & she'd invite me in but she has to fly to Dubai the next day so gives me her mobile number. I go to give her a polite friendly kiss on the cheek and hug goodbye, but she doesn't turn her head, puts her arms round me and I end up making out with her. In fairness she's still pretty drunk but care - I'll take that. I've since discovered she keyed her number in wrong, but I've found and added her on fb. Thats one hell of a night for me and this post is pretty long, so I'll split this up and put some thoughts in the next post....
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(#16)
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11-09-2013, 12:26 AM
That was probably one of the best nights of my life. When I got home I probably sat up for around an hour just thinking the whole night through. Did all that actually happen, and how did it happen? To summarize:
Bitch girl: I don't think I'd ever really tried to talk to her before, I just auto assumed she was a bitch from her vibe and didn't bother with her. We ended up getting on really well & she's since added me on fb. Girl from the past: That was just random, but i used to make out with her when I was younger and haven't seen her since I was about 15. She was wasted, but she almost invited me in she gave me her number 1 digit short, and she made out with me - not the other way round (this is what used to happen tio me when I was younger - i never made a move, it was always the girl who iniated). Bully from School: Maybe she felt guilty about the past but she seeemd totally genuine, if she thought I was ugly that's deffo not the case now. My interaction with her almost means more then making out with the girl above - it blows away a lot of my bad history and how I perceive my looks. Talking with friends in the club: The reason I put in about my friend upset about her ex is the whole time we were talking she had her arm round me/on my shoulder and touched me multiple times whenever she was gesturing to make a point. She's a 10 and always gets hot guys and is mega popular. Granted she was a bit drunk and upset about her ex but she can't think I'm that bad before us having all that physical contact. I got a huge hug from her when i told her I was going home as well. As for the other girl, it seemed like she was trying to flirt with me. Overall i don't think I need much more proof that its nothing to do with my looks. I'd still say I look below average but I can't use it as an excuse for holding me back anymore; if anything I need to start believing I'm good looking even if its false. I totally had the whole night living in the moment - I think dancing for a lot of the night just enjoying myself and listening to the music helped....and the fact I was out with a squad of females who wanted to pose for photos every 5 mins didn't do too badly either. This re-inforces my belief my problem is when I'm stuck in my head thinking negative thoguhts/over analysing - its all to do with how I think and perceive myself. If I can start forcing outward not inward and change these perceptions I think it would go a long way. As I posted earlier in this thread I've started trying to be more humble and genuine and taking an interest in people; i did this with most of the women that night and I think the results speak for themselves. I think I've been misled by PUA crap I've read telling me I need to be cocky and funny and throw negs and be sexual and blah blah blah blah. I'm an introvert. I'm a genuine honest guy, probably a tad too nice for my own good. I'm not an ass kisser though or the type that buys flowers etc and at times I can be a bit cheeky for my own good, or try to hard to be funny/impress when I'm nervous. I'm sure a lot of you on here are pretty alpha, outgoing guys. Thats who i've been trying to be and it gets me nowhere because its not who I am - so why am I bothering to be fake? the last few weeks, acting "as myself" and showing and giving compliemnts/genorisity is getting me so much further and making me feel better. Again i do get it: you can't keep giving women compliments and being the nice guy because theres nothing sexual or attractive about that. But when I use this behaviour honestly i have better interactions - maybe its to do with the bullshit detector women havel in the past if I'm being fake they can see something is not right whereas now I'm just being "me". I'm definitly on to something here - if I can just tune in on how to flip this over to get some concrete results whether its a number/kiss.sex or whatever. As a quick note I also noticed quite a few guys hitting on my female friends that night. None of them were successful but none of the rehections they got were harsh at all - some of the girls even played along or bantered with them and seemed to enjoy it. So overall, I'm still 31, I'm still a virgin. Technically I've got 1 phone number and 1 make out since I came on here. In terms of concrete success I'd still say I'm at 0%. In terms of general comfort and belief I'd say things look like they are beginning to change 
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(#17)
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12-09-2013, 10:24 PM
Quote:
Are you able to expand on comment on this any further, or is it just something I'll start projecting as I become more confident? I've tried to act sexual before, but as a result of being nervous, awkward and not confident I end up coming across like a creepy weirdo instead - probably "tryig too hard".
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(#18)
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22-09-2013, 01:14 PM
Thursday 19th September
The new canteen girl at work is always really friendly to me, always makes a point of saying hi, asking how i am and how my days going. Noticed this for weeks - however at work I have my work hat on, always thinking about what I need to do for the day & try not to spend too much time talking to folk if I'm away from my desk, its not that i don't take her on, but I don't really have time to talk. She also looks a bit rough, I'd say she's ok but not my type. i saw her outside smoking, when I'm out I do it to get away from my desk and get 5 mins peace. I saw her standing there and thought I should go over and speak to her but my head started doing this: "I'm too busy" "I'm not in the mood" "I don't know what to say" "This will be weird" + about another 4-5 excuses. I burst out laughing in my own head - i just realised....I was coming up with so many excuses not to do this! So i thought, as a test - lets just see how many more excuses my head generates not to talk to her and I stood and let them flow and its crazy what my brain was saying to me not to talk to her haha!! So then I tried something different; what reasons would I have to go and speak to her: "She seems to want to talk to me" "Its just her and me here" "Its a nice day, weather is good" "She might want to talk to me" And a few more...... Its amazing how you can change that train of thought if you you can stand back and be aware of those thoughts, take a minute and look at them from a different angle. At the end of the day I saw her finishing her shift. She had a leather jacket and a short tartan skirt on as she walked out the door and i thought "Fuck yeah, maybe I would have some of that". Maybe I'll try to speak to her more - but what i experienced in the above was a bit of an eye opener.
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(#19)
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22-09-2013, 02:00 PM
Saturday 21st Sptember
Had a house warming for friends i went to Uni with, didn't really know much people there, i could only stay an hour. As my friends were being house guests I spent a lot of time on my own just watching football scores. Everyone else there was friends. I felt it might be awkward if I just went to speak to people I didn't know.......but in hindsight I should have just done it - its actually more awkward not talking to people then it is talking to people. Then went for a birthday meal, arrived early with one girl already there. We spoke for ages before others arrived and I never realised till now how negative and self conshus (sp) this girl is. When we left to go to the next bar I offered her a lift and ended up taking one of her other friends who I always thought was a cold bitch - but she spoke away fine. Went to a bar & one girl seemed pretty interesed in talking to me although I think she's a bit weird. The convo was just completely random, she talks really fast, burned my arm with her fag & knocked a drink over - almost seemed like she was really jittery & nervous round me. Also spent a lot of time spekaing to some guy about his job and how it relates to mine, was interesting. Up dancing, was dancing next to a girl I saw last week, felt like she was motioning for me to dance with her as she did last week, but I felt a bit nervous so never did. I had a scarf on which I wrapped around my hand like a Ghurka/head band and was just dancing about like a fool; some other girl took it off me and ran off with it - I eventually went to get it back - she wrapped it round me and started pulling me toward her, down my lower back and pulled our hips together and we were getting pretty close face wise....I didn't really react so she put the scarf back on my head, ruffled my hair and walked off. Was she totally in to me? 4 women were trying to drag me onto the dance floor pulling my arms lieka tug of war but I was tired and takign a break, I wedged my feet around the table stand to stop them pulling me, but one felt my arse which made me jump and release my feet and I got carted off to dance again. Saw a hen party where some girl said she couldn't find her penis (penis straw), i said "I totally hate it when that happens", she told me to fuck off and all her mates started giving me abuse.....I just laughed. Spoke to some guys at the bar from the navy on the ngiht out, they are going back to Afghanistan for another tour soon & I spoke to them sabout how scary/dificult it must be etc - was a good convo. Some random girl in a red dress brushed past me on the stairs and said "Hi", she was kinda cute. I felt like an ice cube hit me, my friend from the meal threw it at me. I opened my mouth and beckoned her to get one in my mouth, before I knew it 3 femelae friends all pelting me with ice cubes trying to get one in my mouth, never caught any of them though. I realised toward the end of the night that any nervousness or anxiety I felt was COMPLETELY gone, I usually have a tightness round my motuh when I smile - my mouth felt totally relaxed. I was stone cold sober and having an amazing night. As i was gettign ready to go home someone nudged into me as they walked past. It was the scarf girl from before. She looked at me with a smile, raise of the eye brows and a nod of the head (like if you see someone in the street you know and you acknolwedge them with a "alright mate") - I guess she was into me from before then, all i probably had to do earlier was put an arm round her and lean in. Saw weird girl agian from before and we got into a convo about anal sex, shitting in mouths and lesbians. She was realy jittery & talking really fast again. Weird....... Another night of stone cold sober awesomeness. i feel like I have some kind of state of awareness not only about myself but how others are acting toward me. Why have I neevr noticed this before? Pretty sure at least 3 girls were interested in me last night - I'm a bit over whelmed.
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(#20)
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22-09-2013, 02:45 PM
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One is a girl who works in the canteen and who I only had very business -like brief exchanges with when she was serving me food, taking the money, etc. Quite regularly we were both standing outside smoking, no one else around. She was browsing her phone and I didn't say anything (same list of excuses). One day when I was feeling confident I just stood looking straight at the top of her head (she was sitting me standing). When she looked up from her phone and made eye contact I just smiled and said "hi, how's it going, you alright?" Then we had a 10 minute convo that we both enjoyed. I just do not understand why I hadn't done that before. Couldn't push through the fear I guess. --------- Girl two is one who I find more physically attractive than the canteen girl. Something foreign and mysterious about her too. She is always out smoking with her girlfriend when I see her. This is my main excuse for not talking to her. But there have been two times where she was on her own. The first time she was stood with her back to me, which I read as body language for her not wanting to talk. But If I had spoke I'm sure she would have turned around. I'm realising it was just another irrational excuse for not doing it. On the other occasion I was walking toward her and she gave me a good 3 second stare. To me she was saying "come talk to me". I didn't but I can't remember even having an excuse that time. It's like my legs took on a life of their own and directed me past her to another part of the smoking area. I beat myself up pretty bad after that one. Since then I managed to have some small talk with her in the lift as we were both going in one morning. But it didn't allow enough time to chat properly.
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