Truth is I'm scared.

There, I admit it.

There's a saying "What would you do if you weren't scared?" and its so true.

This isn't just to do with women. I've been saying to myself there's things I want to do for years & I never do them:

1. I'm scared to try & stop smoking in case I can't manage without them.
2. I'm scared to go to the gym in case I don't manage it or look like a fool.
3. I'm scared to look for a new job because I'm worried no one will employ me.
4. I'm scared to try things with woman in case I get rejected.

I'm aware you don't get anywhere in life being scared & not taking action. I'm aware you have to expect failure, that failure can be good & the only way you move forward is by making mistakes and learning from them. I guess this perfectionist mentality I have is a huge flaw. I've never really spectacularly failed at anything because I've never really tried through fear. I just curl up into a ball. Last night I should have come home from work and looked for jobs, but instead I played Xbox all night probably sub consciously to avoid looking for jobs.

I did briefly try to stop smoking 3 years ago and I was doing ok but I caved too early. I started going to the gym/running but I gave up after a month. It seems if I don't get instant success I beat myself up or just give up at the first sign of resistance. Again perfectionist mentality, all or nothing which I know is not good.

Yet after a while I got my CV sorted out and applied for a couple of jobs, I've got an interview on Friday for probably the biggest company in the city for what I do so it can't be that bad although I'll be honest I'm not confident of getting the job. And other than that bitchy girl who shot me down on Friday, granted I've not got any "results" with woman since I came on here, I've generally had positive interactions & began to realise the main problems I have are all in my head - its probably the same with all the above, just lack of confidence and being scared of things that haven't even happened.

I know nobody is going to hold my hand and do any of this for me. A real "man" would sort his shit out. I'm 32 in a few months & I'm not living, I'm just hiding under the bed covers.

I'm aware this post is pathetic. Maybe the answer is "just stop being scared and do it", I don't know. Something needs to change.