u do this coz u wanna be comforted coz u feel insecure!

these are all natural human responses to emotion

[quote=al_phaD;58869]Well I would NOT be okay with my girl meeting exs...
[\QUOTE]

If she preferred shagging him to shagging you she would still be with him and not with you.

To be fair, 95% of men spend their whole lives feeling just like this. I used to be like this myself. Honesty I was the neediest man-bitch on planet earth when I was young. Not only that but most mens reactions to what happens when relationships go wrong is become even more needy and desperate - to "try harder" to please and suck up to the next one.

At least you know that you have to change so your already ahead of the game compared to most guys. Your obviously getting some flow of decent women even in your current state, so just imagine the uber man-whore you will become when you get this shit sorted, use that as inspiration, TBH I'm already jealous of the endless procession of fanny you will one day enjoy

This is normal in a LTR. You think you can build anything serious without knowing each other?

yes, infact its all this sharing that ruins relationships.

u dont need to know

it just causes jealousy, anger, resentment & more insecurities.

Just dont ask, and enjoy whatever u have in the moment & what u do together.

what she does away from u shouldnt concern u, its her life.

relationships should be about telling if you want to, never prying. & just bein there for eachother wen nessry. and havin fun!

not talkin about ur feelings, draggin eachother down, asking if you still like me, do you love me, who was your first, do u love me most of everyone u loved, how many u fucked, am i the best, please dnt leave me...
lets talk more about negative stuff with a hope of getting a reply that makes me feel a little less insecure for a few seconds.... then feed on that need

ITS CALLED (emotional) LEEEEECHING!!!!!!!! (my word)

In order for a long term relationship to work, both sides must feel all emotions in the spectrum, happiness, sadness, jealously bla bla bla........... There are many physiological reason for this, which I cant be bothered to go into. The keys is to have the correct balance of these emotions. Most people fail as the balance is fucked up, or one feels it and the other one doesn't, the emotional bond should be mutual between both parties.

AJay

This has resonated with me. I can see it is true. I look at how needy I have been in the past, it makes me cringe. I need to be the MAN and stop whining.


Again, like with Phils post, I can see this now. If I feel I want to say all that needy shit, I'm just guna bite my tongue, think to myself "don't fuckin say it!!!!!!!!!" and then think about something more cool


[quote=sapphire;58892]Hmm.. thanks, thats an interesting perspective on it.. I do need to stop being a man-bitch NOW

Yeah I have been an emotional leech, and looking back, I've had insecure girls but none of them are as fucking leeching as I can be. Why do men seem to be worse at this?

Also, I do ask SOME questions about her past, how many she's fucked (you don't wana marry mrs bargain bucket do ya) and I am interested in what she's sexually NOT done, n what she has done and enjoys, and I don't feel threatened providing I don't get intricate details, just the basics like "done anal and loved it".

The only time I felt intimidated is when the girl came out with it in a conversation that one of her exs was a bodybuilder, n that's just cos I wana be ripped as fuck but currently am not where I wana be at... so guess I'm not valueing myself enough right now which makes me insecure. Feelings are shit. It is so much easier to just switch off from emotions

AJay, why does the balance fuck up? What is the solution?

I disagree. You have to share things to have any committed LTR.
I'm not saying you should share stuff about exes or past shags or whatever but there are other things you have to talk about on deep levels, bring emotions into it or the LTR just won't develop.

At the end of the day, you just have to be who you are and you will eventually find a similar girl. Avoiding negative patterns is the key. It's fine to come on here wanting to change a few things about yourself or your life but most PUA crap is about copy cat-ing other people and that can NEVER work to your advantage.

I think Phils comment is true but in relation to an initial relationship thats developing
but Saphire is correct regarding an established relationship -

before the comfort, feelings, love etc develop its easy to scare chicks off with sharing too much of your weaknesses with them.
but once established i think its essential to share everything about you to them

i still dont mean - get all jeleous and posessive tho! - dont ever!

there's a difference between 'soft' traits about your personality that you tell a girl and needy traits. Needy traits should be dealt with by yourself on your own time, but if they're still present with you at the time they should never be revealed to a girl. Soft traits are little side things that you'd not want your mates to know about (I once cried at the end of some movie) but that she'd understand/know you're more than just surface deep... plus it builds a deeper connection between you two sharing little reveals.

Think of it in the viewpoint of the girl as well, in if you were a girl what would you want in a guy. Or, even better, lets reverse the roles.

I once had a girl from my school blurt out to me on first date right after making out that one of her ex's sexually abused her. When I became completely turned off to her after that (but still 'socially acceptable') she couldn't understand why I was the fourth guy who acted that way, and the date ended not to long after (with her nearly in tears). But... for weeks she continued to pursue me and re-initiate me whenever she saw me around. She was a needy girl and I wanted nothing to do with it, and rightfully so.

Its the same way girls feel when a guy reveals himself to be a needy fuck.

"Staythefuckaway, idontneedtodealwithhisneedyass type attitude."

and they have every right to be so.

The problem is.. whether I say anything to the girl or not, my needy insecure feelings are still there. Instead of me driving her away by being like that, instead, I just go crazy inside my own head. It makes me act differently around her. By consciously thinking I'm not guna be needy (or let on I'm being needy) it makes me go all distant and cold and not affectionate at all...

I understand a woman doesn't like needy traits and vice versa. I get that, and accept it.

Yet regardless of whether the girl knows it or not, I can't seem to shake the insecure feelings..