Every time I meet a girl, I'm all cool. Nothing matters to me. I can handle everything. I'm cool with her chatting to random dudes and exs and anything alllllllll day n night long as long as I'm gettin my dick wet.....

Then AS SOON AS I GET EMOTIONALLY INVESTED....

I fucking turn into the neediest, emotion little bitch you can imagine. Please don't talk to dudes. It's like a TIDAL WAVE of controllingness comes out. Where I wana know EVERYTHING. I need to CONTROL HER ENTIRE LIFE. As if she is a puppet. I need ALL HER ATTENTION TO BE ON ME. All this, even when I do have my own life and friends and activities.

I don't fucking get it !!!!!!!

Then I look at something I said or wrote, and think, WTF YOU LITTLE BITCH.

Then after a couple years, either the girl is boring as fuck cos I stopped her having a life, or I get cheated on because of obvious reasons.

I'd love a decent response from Phil on this (aside from "man the fuck up" and "don't care about shit") cos he seems to have this nailed

Do I just need to grow up or what? I'm 21, this is pissing me off, I can feel myself ruining relationships and

I FEEL OUT OF CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS

Phil doesnt have this nailed because he is fucked up and cannot have a proper long term relationship due to fear
thats my observation

Alpha you feel like this because you have a low sense of value and you are insecure about yourself

When you commit to a relationship even if you have a normal sense of value-- everyone still feels slighly insecure at first, not knowing if the other person feels the same way about them and if they`ll get hurt etc but if you already have a low value and feel insecure it`ll be 100 times worse

you need to get out there-- rail laods and i mean LOADS of chicks to the stage were you really dont give a shit-- have a few month, 2 month, 3 month -6 month long relationships.

remember when you ar emotionally invested in a girl - YOU ARE THE MAN
she is with you because you are awesome, if she choses to not be with you or fuck you about - Shes over and there are LOADS of girls out there who are in need of your cock and awesomeness

also rather than being a needy bitch and saying crap to her thats gonna make her run away - bite your tongue and suck it in -- if she is going to fuck about then its better to sit back and let her hang herself with the slack you give her than try to depserately hold onto her and have her lie to you about stuff

ps the less needy and gay you are the more she will want your sperms inside her

I did this with every LTR I ever had. To be fair, I never controlled the girl I was with, and I was secure enough in every relationship that I never got or expected to get cheated on but I did judge them about their past despite mine not being much better. I don't get jealous about what they do or who they see as long as they have not had sex with them before. Some people get jealous about their girl just looking at someone, which is kind of ridiculous as they probably weren't looking at them anyway.

I wouldn't say Phil does have this nailed because he even said himself, he doesn't like the feeling of losing control, sop instead he never gets to that stage...and you can get cheated on just as much by ignoring women because they will eventually move on and not settle for your shit.

Have you tried writing down what you said or when re-reading it analysing it? Write down what triggered the thoughts, why you think that way, are you making any errors in the way you think, what would you say/think if the girl said that to you because there are girls like that out there too, they just don't struggle with this as much as blokes. You can't stop the thoughts but you can try and control your thinking.

This is probably a familiar feeling, on some level, for most people, at some stage of their life. So, first things first, – it doesn’t make you odd, fucked up, or make the problem terminal… you can sort it, give yourself a break.

It has been touched on by Reflex, but THIS IS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER, nothing.

Set your boundaries, make them clear, and stick to them --- what you will stand from other people goes a long way to forming your sense of self worth.

Know that you are valuable (get this proof in whatever way you see fit, sleeping around, getting new skills, having a viable plan for your own happiness…etc)

Know that anyone who transgresses your boundaries is not worth your time, make it known and cut them loose.

The more consistently you go through this process, the firmer your truths will be lodged in your head.

You are going to die! On your death bed, be proud of who you are and the relative lack of compromises you have made.

So:
Realise my own awesomeness
Increase my own sense of value however means necessary
Give a girl my trust but drop her like a rock if she breaks it
Be the MAN
Bite tongue and don't say the needy shit (I struggle with this, shit just plays on my mind for ages!!! How can you stop thinking about this shit?)
Get more sex by being less needy
Don't be controlling

Something I am sketchy on is.. When girls ask me questions like:
"What do you think of me chatting to dudes?"
"What about me chatting to exs?"
"What about meeting dudes or exs?"

Ideally I don't fucking want the girl to want to do any of this!!! So what are you meant to say? I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE saying "sure go chat to whoever", I feel I am giving her permission to fuck me over, this is my conscious thought process

It is annoying. Why do women have to ask these probing questions which make my mind wonder.. I have also noticed, that women HATE it when you seem to not trust them.. they HATE HATE HATE it... it makes them sad and emotionally back off from you which is bad in a relationship.. so I do see the need for biting your tongue, but shit just goes in my head too much.

I also feel like, if I set women boundaries, they will just want to push them like kids do..

It is almost as if, I wish I was less in tune with myself, cos then I maybe wouldn't think about shit as much, and I'd just whiz through life like charlie sheen

Thing is Alpha -- ive questioned myself on this from my journey

you can say and do somthing from 2 totally different places and have the opposite effect
for example:

Origionally i would go on dates and never kino girls, and my sticking point would be breaching the my space and her space barrier
but i was coming at that from the angle of wanting the girl and wanting her to like me

ive gone full circle now and i still do exactly the same thing - no kino, me and then her space
and now i am infinately more successfull in fact i cant remember the last proper date i went on i didnt get the girl and this time its because i come from the stand point of not giving a shit if she likes me or not -- she sences this, she pickes up subconsciously on my energy
she realises she has to work to get me and hold my interest

i give off a totally different energy now -- i dont care if she fancies me, if i dont fuck her i dont care, im quite happy to just go home
i dont say this, its just the energy i give off

dont get me wrong, im not some pickup god or can have anything or anyone i want-- i acnowledge that-- its just that im not particularily arsed


so back to what you said

personally i think you could give any answer to those you want - as long as you come at it from the angle of valueing yourself and being able to tell her to fuck off and do one if a result occurs you wont accept - if you tell her from the angle of OMG i canr lose you I MUST CONTROL CONtrol conTROL then you are a gay boy and will be fucked over accordingly

but just for shits n giggles my answers to those questions are:

"What do you think of me chatting to dudes?" -- its fine why would i mind? as long as you come home to me at the end of the night
"What about me chatting to exs?" ----Its fine as long as its appropriate
"What about meeting dudes or exs?"---if its a group of you i dont mind, if its just you and him then i dont think thats appropriate

thats what i would say - i dont care if it sounds needy or not - if i dont like it i`ll fire her off

How about?

“That’s fine, I don’t own you, nor do you own me, you can see who you like and do as you like… you know the consequences of crossing lines I have drawn, and I doubt very much you think so little of what we have to do so – so go out, have fun, I’ll see you later. “

Thanks guys,

Has given me a lot to think about...

I need to detach my thoughts from my exs that have fucked me over.. which I realise some was my fault but not all..

I want to get past this shit

I want to help you get past this, so i suggest sending all troublesome girls myway

it will give me somthing todo rather than poking Phils girls on FB

Never met a girl who actually asked me that. Are you friends with exes?
You could take reflexes line and play it back against them, say you have an ex coming over for dinner one night but that's just as likely to piss them off as well.

The issue is that in your head it's not really fine for her to go off and meet exes, that's your line (it's my line too) but you don't want to say yes go for it and then dump her because you like her.
If there's one thing you should have learned from PUA or this site, it is to flip things round so you have to ask yourself the same questions, imagine how you would respond if she was asking you the same questions.

It's a very close line in my book and is closely intertwined with whether you develop emotions or just want to fuck them.