Haven't slept in 2 days... well I lie, I've slept about 4hrs in 2 days. Insomnia wooo!


First thing I remember as I decide to go out today is "what should I wear" .... then immediately a little echo-ey voice from the depths of my head "what does it matter" ... didn't take it on board first but it was niggling at me for a while.

Got up, showered, blahh blahh and was still feeling somewhat lack luster. My recent long term and long distance relationship ex was sooo much in the front of my mind I literally couldn't shake it off. I had a job lined up in Canada, all sorted just waiting for her to find an apartment so we could live together, like a whole chapter of my life and the future chapters have had sick twisted alterations that makes the once was possible, impossible.


Got to the warddrobe and put on my suit... yes ladies and gentlemen, my suit. In some weird way I like a suit, makes me feel good... better and right now it made me feel some what more confident that the shitty feelings.



I actually have no clue if I felt confident but certainly a bag of mixed emotions going on... only plus side right then was I'm outside and am I fuck showing my mixed emotions to people.


Why am I outside? Well... good question. To be social. Waittt, not to pick up? Exactly. Right now I don't want the hassle of a girl neither do I think I'm in the right frame of mind as of yet to effectively establish a great, fun connection.

They're my thoughts as I'm walking around.


*PING PING* I get a message from my ex... I ignore it - I'm not having fun but I'm outside and don't really want to be a part of hassle.




I actually don't have a clue what I said to talk to this person but a conversation was struck. Pretty meaningless, just random chatter but for now just getting back my actual self instead of some... something, is very much more important than the quality of the conversations.




Saw this girl checking me out in the stealth kind of 'look..look away..look..look away' thing girls do, weirdly reminded me of an old cartoon grandfather clock where the doors open and and close.

Walk up to her with a bit more about myself than the first conversation.. hell I was actually in line to remember how we started talking!


"Hey I accidentally left my phone on the bus, do you have the time?" - wtf why did I say that... hmmm or well roll with it.... hope my phones on silent in my pocket

"Yeah it's _____ . Sucks you left your phone on the bus, did you report it?

The conversation went on for a while and I blagged about going through the whole procedure of reporting it and what not. Suppose that's not to bad Improv! (I know I'm been kind to myself)





Going out wasn't too shabby, kept me somewhat busy. I look at my phone, the ex has messaged again... I look at the messages - damn.. shouldn't have done that - . I'm not sure how I could be so committed to someone that hated me so deeply and couldn't give a fuck about me or the relationship whilst lying to me. Fuck, why didn't I see it all happening.

It's pretty shitty but it does show I invested too much of myself into the relationship and subsequently I got fed to the sharks.

• Writing this helped. A lot.
• I got off my arse and outside being proactive
• Whilst I was writing this my old ways of carrying the girl off with me over the road or to the cafe, started to come forward out the depths of my mind

Dude - do it anyways! Travelling is really good for broadening the mind!

The English accent is very attractive to a lot of girls here. Take the opportunity to visit around and drop into the US.

You should consider is spending a few months in Montreal - they offer free French lessons in loads of places so you'd leave having a basic grasp on French and it's easy to get sales or casual work

Also Ottawa is beautiful and the people and culture properly awesome!

Like your name? I love this idea...

I have to somehow try to work this out. I want to move and Canada/USA would be would be my first choice for sure, I love the way of life over there and especially in Canada.

Finding work over the for a UK national is quite difficult now what with the laws and the $1000 6month process of validating a job for a non-Canadian national.
However, there's a working holiday visa option that's also possible but first and foremost I'd need somewhere to stay with the absolute guarantee of a job and salary for the month after.


That's why us finding a place and her supporting us financially for the first month was awesome.




As soon as I started to get into the flow of things again and understand in myself that I need to get into the correct mindset and once I did, things just clicked.
The jigsaw starts to take shape.


I'm trying to cut her off completely. She's doing this 'can we still be friends' and she wanted to try again but it's a limp half hearted attempt I think. That's why I'm talking to other girls at the same time; may as well do the same thing she did and get the ball rolling




Good talks with this 19 year old Czech girl, funny sexual and we talked about a few different things. She brought up relationships and talked about us doing stuff together and having a laugh. We created fun names for each other and she introduced me to her favourite youtube comedy channels and talked about her brother.

She showed she liked to fool around and that she was playful. Talked to me through her entire time at college and when she got back home. I had to go out and she was trying to stay awake so we could chat before she slept. She sleeps at a reasonable time too, none of this staying +5-6hrs GMT to talk till late with my ex in Canada.

She wants this to keep going on tomorrow. It's fun and interesting.




Also got talking to 3 other girls. Not as much but still good, ongoing conversations.

I enjoy talking to girls that aren't so stuck up. I can't be bothered with the drama.

If it were me - try the Experience Canada program. It's an open work permit (visa) for those aged 19-30 and you can work anywhere but in healthcare but can't study full-time (unless you're in Quebec learning French)

The only caveat is that you have to have the equivalent of $2500CAD in a bank account and health insurance when you cross the border (1300 GBP and 300 quid insurance - no pound sign lol).

As for work, within 2 days of being here I had a job at UPS and 2 weeks later a job at a call centre - it's pretty easy to find stuff. Toronto is better as it's easier and all English (but isn't very cultured/pretty), Ottawa has a higher cost of living but is nicer and Montreal has an outrageously low cost of living and you can get away never speaking French but it's a lot easier if you do. Come to Montreal next September and I'll give you a job to kick you off

In other news apparently I should be applying for a job at the Canadian Tourist Board....

Cheers Dale, I'll look into this today. I've got enough saved up and travel insurance already covered.

I think the way I was trying to do it I had to go through different processes of an LMIA and stuff which no employer wanted to do. Hopefully the experience Canada program doesn't require and LMIA and then I could pretty much do anything.

I reckon I have a good amount for at least 2 months without a job (though ideally I'd like a job straight away) so I do have some room for movement.
Also I've got 1 more team to play in my 18 team acc bet and they should win so fingers crossed on £9500-ish return


Cheers dude, next September might even be a more realistic time for me too (bills to pay and my phone contract runs out 31 Oct) so definitely in September Dale cheers


Point them to this thread in your application and you'll have the job in no time haha.

For the past few days I've not really talked to many girls, well talked to a few I know.... well maybe a few more... but nothing more.

My attention, rightly or wrongly, had been focused on another pressing matter...


My ex girlfriend recently called out to me for help in a text while I was sleeping and then 30 mins later attempted suicide and sent me and her friend a suicide note. 3hrs later I woke up and immediately tried to contact her with no effect. The note was the most determined note I've ever read. Her friends contacted me and we all tried to contact her brother.. still to no effect.



5-6 hrs later her brother finds her unconscious on the floor with empty pill packets all over the floor. She was taken to hospital in critical condition with her organs failing.

2 day's passed of her unconscious on a support machine; her liver barely functioning. I can't help but feeling like I should've been there to help her out, just to talk to her so she didn't attempt suicide. I've barely slept for these 2 days.
Yes we broke up the day before but I'm not stone cold.



She finally woke up today, her favourite day of the year. Me, her best friend and her brother are working out the best things for her now, what's next to help her out. Some would say that's not my problem and maybe in other cases it isn't but in this case I feel that it is. So I'm helping.



This made me realise how all too quick and fragile life is. How a split second judgement can have such drastic effect and how them effects can effect others.

It made me realise, if I'm going to do something with my life then I better get to it straight away because what is the point in waiting.

Met a Spanish girl. She does this pretty amazing artistic special effects tfx (I think). We've hit it off pretty well, play this fun little role play, kick her out of the bed kinda stuff.

We had one great night, still got the nail scars but she's gone back to Sevilla for a while so we'll see where that goes.


Anyway, she was really gutted that I don't really use FaceBook... really gutted.

Has anyone ever came across that before? It's not our only means of conversation so I'm not understanding the importance / significance of Facebook.

You were right to deny her that I reckon. It's bollox and sends the wrong message. I've used FB messenger for girls but the word "friends" does not bode well. The concept is your mugshot and life story is stuck on there...er for life, while your mobile number, email, etc might alter over time.

It's great to be found and to find. The question is whether you want to be...

If there person is a friend or you're in a relationship with the person, then using FB I understand. Pretty much all other scenarios, I don't understand.

FB seems to be very important in modern social life, posting about a video you saw or the random stuff that happens during the day. It bores me.

Literally the last post I posted on my Fb was of a feather drawing I did. That was January this year. Maybe that is limiting me socially... I have no idea o.O




So my ex contacted me on FB. I ignored her. She sent me an email. Ignored that. She text me. Ignored that. She then contacted me sister too! Fuck!!! She was really worried about me because I hadn't contacted her. For someone that doesn't care about the relationship, she sure looked like she was.

After a talk I agreed to try again with her. What she didn't tell me is that she was using me just to talk to while she was talking to another guy that she wants a relationship with. After 2 days I soon realised that's what she was doing. I then told her that I won't be in a relationship to simply be used and the other person not wanting the relationship to work.

I ended it with her and have now broke contact again. Again she's messaged me 3 times. She's not pulling me back into that rubbish. She can get her act together or sod off





Been talking to a lot of different girls from various places using whatsapp.

I have about 14 girls I'm talking to, all very attractive girls. One is a full time Australian model but wants to study law. She literally said to me "I'm a model btw" - yeahhh okay cool! I know a few models, one of my best female friends is working for major California clothes brands now. I think the way I wasn't taken back by her been a model really made her interested.



There's another girl I'm talking to who I'm pretty interested in. She's an Italian girl. Only a few days ago she broke up with her boyfriend and we've hit it off pretty well. However, she's still quite sad as he keeps knocking on her door asking to talk to her but she just wants to "bitch slap his ugly face".

I tried to escalate with her but she's resisting because of sadness... think she's interested but maybe needs a little time.

Not really sure what to do... do I back off and talk about interesting topics instead of escalating in a flirty way?

Has anyone had that type of situation before... what did you do to overcome it?

Recently I've been in a rut. The back end of my previous relationship and the shit storm that followed had me on a very negative path. During that time, my ex also attempted suicide and had done 5 times beforehand too. Then, the main reason we ended was because she chose partying and doing drugs, over the relationship. It was long distance too so made it harder for obvious reasons.

I figured that if she valued them things and her friends she's known for 2 months, above the relationship then a break up would be right.



My best friend was getting major harassment from his ex and some guys she knew. He was already in a bad state of mind and they really pushed him to the brink. He skyped me nearly begging me for help to hack his ex's account and troll her and her friends but I'm no expert at that.

Found out that on that same night, he killed himself. I know I was probably one of the last people he spoke to and to be frank, I feel like I let him down. With my ex, the last time she attempted suicide, she nearly succeeded, wrecked her liver and stuff. Her friends blamed me for that because we'd broke up.



Trying to pull myself out of the rut now. Looking to move away, preferably a new country, preferably for a new job. I started a self employed thing working in online marketing / social media / website creation for small businesses. It's only the 13th and already I've made £2450 for about 40 hours work. Can only get better once my portfolio increases.