Stinson Journal
 

It's been a while since I actually wrote a field report and looking back through my Journal I've begun to realise just how much I've changed.


I'm on here now talking about direct approaches and other ballsy approaches like I've been doing it for ages when it's obvious through my previous posts that I considered a direct approach to be like a forbidden fruit that I didn't want to taste. Plus when I did do a direct approach 90% of the time it was by accident and I was fucking shitting myself about it.


I now mix my approaches, direct, indirect, nice, funny, rudefunny. Basically just whatever I say. My point is it's not pre-planned, scripted. Even 4-5 months ago I'd be in my head so much that I'd be scripting basic shit before going out making the simplest communication such as a "hi" seem scary as hell.


I've grown in confidence, I communicate better, I feel like I'm progressing. But the key difference now is, I am not in my head all the time. I'm now not thinking "she's nice... fuck what should I say... fuck fuck ... or well opportunity gone". Instead I'm now thinking "fuck she's nice" and just talking, people talk about anything. Even when it comes to resistance or awkwardness in terms of what she said, I feel like I'm in auto-pilot and I come out with a rapid response without even thinking about it. Like yesterday I met a young shop assistant serving me after serving some very angry guy just before.

Me: Wow you are the calmest woman I've ever met though you must really hate that guy now".

Her: Haha it's cos I don't care. I hate sex more.

Me: God is your boyfriend really that bad?

The conversation continued successfully and we exchanged numbers, chat some more, then I get a text this evening 'What do I have to do to be your booty call?'.


Something I really need to work on is to stop loosing interest. As soon as a girl get's close to me or even before we have sex, if she becomes easy I lose interest.
I'm not sure if that is even good or bad, hell I'm not even sure why I lose interest. It actually feels like a massive let down.


Whether its something on an inner level like my ego or something else like I like the chase, I'm not sure. But either way I've let some great girls go because of this and it's almost second nature in letting them go.
Any thoughts on this?

Anyway, next time I'm going to refrain from letting the girl go and see what happens.

Got caught completely off guard today by a woman that reconised me from a picture she saw on my now unused PoF account.


I'm walking in the shopping centre when someone taps my shoulder. I turn around and see a girl with a great figure, big brown eyes that compliment her shiny brown hair and a smile of genuine happiness.

Her: Saw your PoF. You have a mind wondering profile but not much about you. I have to admit though it is really interesting, makes me wonder if you said it all to get attention. Its definitely working for you".


Right there I couldn't work it out; was she directly attacking me or what.


I can't remember my response, not gonna lie, I was shocked.
We talked in Starbucks, 1 of the only modern cafes in Middlesbrough. Seriously. I asked her what her favourite line was in my profile to which she said "the part where you said your hobbies are drinking yourself to unconsciousness and falling into heroin induced comas". Until that point I thought she was a PUA!

Told me she's 26yr old, considering her options, thinking of moving away to complete her studying because she's single and bored of the UK.

After about 40 minutes we exchanged phone numbers and she pecked me on the check.

My first conversation of this kind where the woman initiates contact. I'm sure I nearly blew it at the first hurdle. The conversation opened up into my view many weaknesses I have that possibly would have went unnoticed, I am greatful for this. Cute girl, even if she is 5 years older.

Decided to nip around a few of the pubs within a 10 minute walking distance before they start their mass exodus to the night clubs.

Saw a nice blonde, a bit slutty but she had these light blue eyes, I'm a right sucker for fit blue eyed girls, probably fake contacts but so what, I wanted them.
Approached and got her number after a little chat before she climbed into the back of a taxi that smelled heavy from bleach.


Second pub, jack shit. Looked like I entered 40's night.


Third pub I bumped into 3 guys who I 'apparently' be-friended whilst out last week, though I doubt it. Tried to talk to a group of girls but these guys were like leaches, every 2 minutes "get into her mate". Cool, cheers man, now why don't you fuck off.


Shit mini night out, though I did find 1 of the lads on my way home squatting in a bush having a shit. Unfortunately for him he was squatting in a big rose bush so I'm sure he'll have loads of fun tomorrow picking thorns out his arsehole.

Just catching up on your journal Mr Stinson.

Life is never boring, especially with a few slutty blondes around.

Life isn't a bed of roses but it's good sometimes.

Keep up the good work!

Serendipity
Thanks dude. The blonde is a serious slut, she's on the Aycliffe slag list. That takes some doing.




Whilst I waited for my takeaway to come, I had nothing to do other than reflect on the day.

Walked around town, talked to a few of the regulars. Had a crack at 1 of them for looking like shit, she is ill with tonsillitis and a cold, bless.
Not really much going on today, maybe due to me just going to town instead of the city.


On my way home I came across some guys I knew from my secondary school days. I do not get on with them. Not going into detail they left me fucking fuming. I seem to go into a shell when I meet people whom I don't like from my past, I get defensive, boil anger up inside depending on the cercumstances.


It left me furious but also made me start attacking myself, my progression. It rocks the very foundations of my progression to the point where I find myself having to go back and repair it, stalling progression.


I feel in order for me to do well I must move away, out of the country? to another city? who knows. Either way I've got to spend more time doing what I want instead of getting dragged back down by arseholes. I could also confront the situation, though I think I'd be wasting my time.

It's made me more determined than ever to get my arse into uni somewhere in Europe.

Oh and the takeaway was shit.

Good post mate.

I hear what you're saying. When I meet someone I never liked from my past I always think, fuck, it's like in the Superman films where he is confronted by a baddie with a handful of kryptonite and he instantly loses all his amazing earthly powers and is just an ordinary cunt again.

But that's fictional.

The bottom line is these dudes are part of your history, like in a book somebody else wrote about your life. You can't change that. But the important thing is the book misses out a lot about you. Probably all the best bits. Reading a book about someone is nothing like meeting the person in real life.

These are cardboard cutouts from your past mate. They're totally irrelevant. You are above confrontation. That's what they would love. But your playing by your rules now not theirs.

I get your point about getting to somewhere where you want to be and out of the shithole (it was same for me when living in a hellhole in SE London). It might not need to be Europe. I'm in Brussels quite a lot, and it looks great to me. The nightlife is good, lots of uni girls, it's a great city - capital of the EU. I think it's better than London tbh. But I expect there are other places in the UK that are good too.

No need to backtrack or start repairing anything, you are on the right path, just consider the options.

You might not need to leave the UK, just spend some time researching the options.

Be assured that whatever you decide it will be the right decision.

Cheers dude, puts a different perspective on it.

I've been considering a move to another country ever since I was 17. I was never drawn to the uni life in this country, I love the atmosphere abroad, Spain, Holland, Italy (though sometimes they are cunts) and Eastern European countries.


This 'move' has been long in the waiting. It's about time it became reality.


I've whittled my list down to a few countries and drawn a contingency plan by choosing a few cities in the UK that appeal to me.


Give myself 2 weeks to find the courses I want to do and apply for them. This is happening.

good good

I always saw myself working / living abroad. I turned down a job in Oman. Will never know if that was a good decision. But at the moment I'm getting to travel around Europe (France, Germany, Belgium, Luxembourg) quite regularly so it's not worked out too bad. I love it.

I was the same as you, I wanted to get away and experience other cultures. You won't regret it I can guarantee.

"Do what you want to do, I just hope you make the right choice"
 

I got a university viewing on Monday in Eindhoven, quite excited, its a big step forward not only for my education but also for my progression and goals.

I decided to fly over to Eindhoven today and stay with Summer for the weekend. She's a very stubborn girl but a heart of gold. She's agreed to be my chauffeuress with 1 condition; I have to company her to the zoo in Rotterdam so she can complete some work on the baby tigers for her project.

She knows me to a T. On the way back to her house from the airport we stopped off at the shopping centre so she could buy some stuff. I saw my first pair of clogs, then I realised there was a whole isle dedicated to ever variation of clog possible; boot, high heel, trainer, steel capped and so on. She goes on to tell me she had 8 pairs of clogs. 8! She tells me there is a huge sculpture of a pair of clogs not far from her house. We will be visiting that shortly.

She drives straight past her house; least the place where I knew she lived before. Turns out since she's only in The Netherlands for 7 more months before moving to South Africa, she's decided to splash the cash a little and move to a better apartment. The plus side is she now has a sauna and a big jacuzzi-like bath.

I like it. I could see myself enjoying student life here.

It's chauffeuse but good on you