Judging her in what sense? You mean that she's a 'slut'? What would cause a negative judgement? Number of partners? Quality of partners? Number of lays per partner? Why does any of that shit matter? It's all in the past with the potential to get in the way of moving forward and developing a connection with someone in the present surely?

Posetive people always want to look forward. Regret is the only sin. Oh and get off FB...it's a festering shit hole that thrives on and fuels rampant insecurity. It's full of needy bitches gagging for attention complaining and keeping up with the jones...got off there esp if you are the type of person it's not healthy for.

Sounds like you regard sex as somehow nasty or wrong or deviant? It's not of course. And more to the point some people have psychological hang ups that manifest themselves in sexual habits and behaviour, but it can cut both ways. multiple partners doesn't automatically equal 'issues' or 'bad egg' and a handful of them isn't nessarily a good sign either, surely?

You are taking a casual compliment and turning it into a stick to beat yourself over the head with. There is no way round it you have to train yourself to see the half full side of the glass instead of half empty.

I'll echo this statement. I got sucked into facebook really badly this summer when most of the people I associate with could only be communicated with through facebook, and more and more I found myself using it to gain responses or acceptance through it (likes) than just a communication tool.

Kicked that shit away two months ago and feeling great about it; now it's a little bit harder for people to communicate with me, but that's well worth the exchange for what I had become.

Sorry, no practical advice I can think of. I think it's lack of confident in who you are. I thrive on girls who tell me that I'm better in bed than 100 other guys or 1 other guy before me. That's an exaggeration but you know where I'm coming from.
Strive to be better than anyone she's been with rather than worrying about who she has been with.

Genepoole I've felt like you do.. with the insecurities... Some food for thought, and this is based on if you are starting a LTR:

It is okay to speak about the past. But you have to know the level of detail you want to know, and WHY you want to know it.

When speaking about "the past" with a new girl.. Some things I would want to know are:

• What sexual things she has or hasn't done, and what she would like to try
• Any bad experiences she's had
• Her thoughts on sex and relationships, its importance, her needs, things like that
• If she desires more than one man or woman, and her thoughts on its effects to the relationship
• Number of sexual partners, last STI checkup, if she is on the pill etc

I DON'T want to know explicit sexual details. This would be unhealthy, I don't need to know this.
I don't want to know about her previous partners. There is no need to compare yourself to her past people.
The main point is, she is now attracted to YOU and only you. So all you have to do is just keep a cool head, be the awesome, nonreactive boyfriend.

If I am correct, when you say "jealousy", I think you mean resentment. I also think that "judging the girls" fits in to this scope. ALOT of people suffer this problem I think. You can get over it though. You don't HAVE to resent her past. You don't have to feel intimidated by her. Everyone has their own dark past. But think, why is she now about to enter a LTR with you even after all that? You are now part of the woman's life journey, and you can't change her past or your own. But you can communicate well, enjoy each other in the NOW and forget about the rest.

You need to have some self confidence.. if she cheats or leaves you, it isn't the end of the world and life will go on (pretty awesomely). This may reduce the fear of being alone. Work on yourself. Hit the gym. Improve your self image, self perception, self confidence. Feel good about yourself. Also, don't be DEPENDANT on her. You can live without her. You used to, and it was all gravy. Just appreciate her in your life.

I think, in my non-professional opinion, you judge the girls, (negatively), because you are intimidated.
Example. She's had a threesome. You think "slut". But you don't logically think "this girl is a slut cos she got double teamed." You just get that wrenching feeling in your stomach? Most likely because it is something you haven't done (and problably for you based on previous posts of yours, something you don't want to do) and so you feel you won't live up to her expectations in future. This is where you need to talk to her early on. She may not crave this in her future LTR with you. If it is something you cannot agree on, she obviously isn't for you, and no hard feelings for anybody?

This is unhealthy and you need to DROP THE BACKWARD, GLASS IS EMPTY RATIONALE NOW.
Why would you read into WHY she is a good kisser, or good at sucking dick?
If anything, you WANT someone who is good with their mouth! Forget HOW SHE GOT GOOD?
What about you going down on her? Would you want her to question how you got so good? So you've licked some pussys prior to hers. It isn't the end of the world and isn't worth thinking about for her. Same for you. Linked to the text above, drop the thinking about her past and this problem will be solved. Accept the fact she is amazing, and embrace it rather than feel intimidated.

Some ending notes:
Needy, wimpy, insecure behavior WILL drive a girl to cheat on you.
Any girl could potentially cheat on you. You have to base the relationship on mutual trust and respect. Relationships are one huge risk of heartbreak, but when you find the RIGHT GIRL, just go ahead and take the risk.
Believe her. Why would you go out with a liar? You obviously thought highly of the girl prior to entering the relationship. Don't let that break down into lack of trust.
Woman's prior sexual history and partners is IRRELEVANT. Focus on what you both enjoy.

I hope this helps man.
I've seen you in some disagreements on the forum, but I've felt this insecurity before myself and it can be overcome.

TL;DR: THE PAST MEANS SHIT

Thanks for all responses, I'll have a think about them.

It's more a judgement call. For some reason, probably dating back to school days or something, that's a girl is a slut if she has lots of 1 night stands or explicit sexual relationships. I never seem to get jealous of their longer relationships that have ended but have often ended up judging them on their no commitment ones.
I find it a lack of respect if a girl I'm seeing happens to keep in contact with her exes, that's the crux of it.

Well, I've never been cheated on so I don't have a lack of self esteem related to worries about my partner going off with someone else but I accept some part of it must be related to esteem. In fact most of my partners have been head over heels with me but I ended up leaving them eventually. The only relationships I ever had where I was dumped were caused my negative judgement making the girl feel terrible, which I regret but I seem to do it over and over in every LTR or new person I'm seeing.

Number of partners I think plus the actual event that happened. I would probably class a threesome as worse than a one night stand.
It's a judgement based on whether they were being tricked into expecting more from the guy and then the guy just left the next morning after getting what he wanted.

The problem is that I want to change these reactions as I'm not exactly a saint myself. I've had ONS's, ended up cheating on a LTR in the past so I've made mistakes too it's just getting my head around this and changing my thinking.

Just more food for thought..... see above

All girls keep in touch with atleast SOME exs. It’s a fact of life. Just as we strive to get our numbers up they strive to keep their numbers down and a dick they’ve already bounced will often become an 'emergency' dick they'll consider bouncing on again should the need arise..

And that need will arise if you are needy, insecure, vulnerable. If you pry into her past and judge her and seek to control her in ways that demonstrates your fear/insecurity inferiority in relation to her sexuality.

It's about how you make her FEEL. If you make her feel great, give her toe curling orgasms and exactly the right amount of hugs relative to your level of interest/commitment (i.e not too many/not too few)...then in her mind you'll have a 15" cock, arms like tree trucks and be the don juan of dick swinging dandys... she'll put a 'no entry' sign over the front of her pussy. You won't need to worry about other dudes trying to sneak into her pussy, because she'll check their advances for you...Because just like the song says...Her heart (read; pussy) '...belongs to daddy.'

Make her feel shit and dirty and slutty and judged, suffocated and project your insecurites onto her and she'll put up and an 'open all hours' sign over her pussy and start inviting in any of the motely crew of cocks she thinks might make her FEEL better than you do.

Start with your mindset. Sex isn’t something women just 'have' and men want/need. It’s something men and women (or women and women/ men and men/a woman and a horse) whatever...SHARE. Well maybe not the horse (as he didn’t have much of a say) but you get the idea. The idea that men ‘bed’ women is a social contruction. If it’s not rape then she’s bedded you right BACK. Divorce yourself from the idea that an independent woman having sex, CHOOSING to be seduced and led estray and enjoying it is a 'bad' thing.

Women want to be seduced as much as we want to seduce them. It’s not a battle. She’s not ‘defeated’ when she puts out. She wants to surrender she just needs to be convinced it's gonna be worth her while to do so. If you give her good times lots of adventures and a toe curling orgasm she’s 'winning' JUST as much as you are when she jerks you off all over her butt cheeks.

If subconsciously on any level you regard sex as simply something she 'has' that you want from her you are handing her the dice and it will always prove to be unsustainable eventually. Focus on what YOU have to give her TODAY...not on what you think she might have given Trevor Jenkins behind the school bike shed back in 1999 when she was in class 9E...

It's okay to feel insecure now and then. Just never let them see you bleed.

Joker.. that is an awesome post, and the part about:
I've never thought about things in that perspective.

I'd like to add though: for Genepoole... :
You may take in the above quote, and disregard it. But the proof lies in the pudding

Also..
Never thought about this from your perspective either. It is true, we do want more lays and the woman wants less.. so it makes absolute sense for her to stay in touch with exs (or ex fucks) to some degree. But like Joker says... make her feel happy.. all the time, and she will brag to her ex about you!!

Also: My best one liner advice to keeping her happy, aside from orgasms, is, NEVER STOP DATING HER.

I don't know what the longest LTR you've been in is but every LTR goes through some bad periods. From your point of view, she will take that as an immediate signal to go to her backup.
I don't think that's necessarily true, some girls stay in contact with exes for a variety of reasons. I actually feel it's more of a lack of respect because the exes might do something again given chance but I realise this isn't always the case either.
Basically, it comes down to whether you appreciate having backups hanging around regardless of whether you are better than them or not.
I personally do not keep backups so why should my partner.

Surely if you ask everything in A above then you know some things about those in section B?