Genepoole I've felt like you do.. with the insecurities... Some food for thought, and this is based on if you are starting a LTR:
It is okay to speak about the past. But you have to know the level of detail you want to know, and WHY you want to know it.
When speaking about "the past" with a new girl.. Some things I would want to know are:
- What sexual things she has or hasn't done, and what she would like to try
- Any bad experiences she's had
- Her thoughts on sex and relationships, its importance, her needs, things like that
- If she desires more than one man or woman, and her thoughts on its effects to the relationship
- Number of sexual partners, last STI checkup, if she is on the pill etc
I DON'T want to know explicit sexual details. This would be unhealthy, I don't need to know this.
I don't want to know about her previous partners. There is no need to compare yourself to her past people.
The main point is, she is now attracted to YOU and only you. So all you have to do is just keep a cool head, be the awesome, nonreactive boyfriend.
If I am correct, when you say "jealousy", I think you mean resentment. I also think that "judging the girls" fits in to this scope. ALOT of people suffer this problem I think. You can get over it though. You don't HAVE to resent her past. You don't have to feel intimidated by her. Everyone has their own dark past. But think, why is she now about to enter a LTR with you even after all that? You are now part of the woman's life journey, and you can't change her past or your own. But you can communicate well, enjoy each other in the NOW and forget about the rest.
You need to have some self confidence.. if she cheats or leaves you, it isn't the end of the world and life will go on (pretty awesomely). This may reduce the fear of being alone. Work on yourself. Hit the gym. Improve your self image, self perception, self confidence. Feel good about yourself. Also, don't be DEPENDANT on her. You can live without her. You used to, and it was all gravy. Just appreciate her in your life.
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So, what causes me to judge girls on their behaviour when I might have done or would happily do the same things they they have done sexually in the first place? Is this just a natural feeling that you have to overcome?
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I think, in my non-professional opinion, you judge the girls, (negatively), because you are intimidated.
Example. She's had a threesome. You think "slut". But you don't logically think "this girl is a slut cos she got double teamed." You just get that wrenching feeling in your stomach? Most likely because it is something you haven't done (and problably for you based on previous posts of yours,
something you don't want to do) and so you feel you won't live up to her expectations in future. This is where you need to talk to her early on. She may not crave this in her future LTR with you. If it is something you cannot agree on, she obviously isn't for you, and no hard feelings for anybody?
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Another example, a girl called me a good kisser the other day and said I obviously knew exactly what I was doing. Now personally, I think that's a great way to view someone in the present. However, if that was me, my thoughts would be along the lines of she's a really good kisser but how many men must she have kissed to be that good. It's an immediate backward looking/unhealthy questioning of their past.
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This is unhealthy and you need to DROP THE BACKWARD, GLASS IS EMPTY RATIONALE NOW.
Why would you read into WHY she is a good kisser, or good at sucking dick?
If anything, you WANT someone who is good with their mouth! Forget HOW SHE GOT GOOD?
What about you going down on her? Would you want her to question how you got so good? So you've licked some pussys prior to hers. It isn't the end of the world and isn't worth thinking about for her. Same for you. Linked to the text above, drop the thinking about her past and this problem will be solved. Accept the fact she is amazing, and embrace it rather than feel intimidated.
Some ending notes:
Needy, wimpy, insecure behavior WILL drive a girl to cheat on you.
Any girl could potentially cheat on you. You have to base the relationship on mutual trust and respect. Relationships are one huge risk of heartbreak, but when you find the RIGHT GIRL, just go ahead and take the risk.
Believe her. Why would you go out with a liar? You obviously thought highly of the girl prior to entering the relationship. Don't let that break down into lack of trust.
Woman's prior sexual history and partners is IRRELEVANT. Focus on what you both enjoy.
I hope this helps man.
I've seen you in some disagreements on the forum, but I've felt this insecurity before myself and it can be overcome.
TL;DR: THE PAST MEANS SHIT