Thanks for all responses, I'll have a think about them.
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Originally Posted by nova
Yet you say you are jealous. Why you are jealous of something that happened in the past? Are you worried they have a track record of sleeping with loads of guys and are a slut or something? Is this the part of you that is worried what people will think of her, and in turn judge you?
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It's more a judgement call. For some reason, probably dating back to school days or something, that's a girl is a slut if she has lots of 1 night stands or explicit sexual relationships. I never seem to get jealous of their longer relationships that have ended but have often ended up judging them on their no commitment ones.
I find it a lack of respect if a girl I'm seeing happens to keep in contact with her exes, that's the crux of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by daleinthedark
If you need to ask, control and draw conclusions about what she has done/is doing then it is and issue of trust.
If you trusted her why would it make any difference if she hung around with somebody she used to sleep with? It wouldn't, you would trust her enough because she is with you.
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Well, I've never been cheated on so I don't have a lack of self esteem related to worries about my partner going off with someone else but I accept some part of it must be related to esteem. In fact most of my partners have been head over heels with me but I ended up leaving them eventually. The only relationships I ever had where I was dumped were caused my negative judgement making the girl feel terrible, which I regret but I seem to do it over and over in every LTR or new person I'm seeing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joker
Judging her in what sense? You mean that she's a 'slut'? What would cause a negative judgement? Number of partners? Quality of partners? Number of lays per partner? Why does any of that shit matter? It's all in the past with the potential to get in the way of moving forward and developing a connection with someone in the present surely?
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Number of partners I think plus the actual event that happened. I would probably class a threesome as worse than a one night stand.
It's a judgement based on whether they were being tricked into expecting more from the guy and then the guy just left the next morning after getting what he wanted.
The problem is that I want to change these reactions as I'm not exactly a saint myself. I've had
ONS's, ended up cheating on a LTR in the past so I've made mistakes too it's just getting my head around this and changing my thinking.