I want to know if she has done anal, or threesomes, or bondage, etc.
I DON'T want to know if her ex has a 15 inch cock and huge biceps and a 16 pack.

I want to know how many she's been with, but don't care how many orgasms she had with them.

You have to think about how much detail you can handle/feel is relevant.

When it may be true that the exs are backup fucks...
There is a distinct difference between keeping in contact "hey, hows it going, I'm happy with my new boyfriend", and being bum chums meeting up and staying over for pizza and films (but no sex, honest). Every situation is different, but if a girl is truly in to you, she won't give a shit about her exs. EX FOR A REASON.

Then find a girl who doesn't...
Thing is.. how can you ever be sure? She isn't guna say: yeah I still speak to him in case you're a dick and I can cheat with him.

You just have to find someone with mutual trust and a decent head on their neck, where you understand each other, and everyone else will become irrelevant.

Al_phaD are you having a conversation with yourself?

Lol.. first sign of madness I think

EVERY Girl has back ups...And always will. Some men have 'options'. But there is a difference. We have to work to set up and maintain our options while any girl at any time has any number of back ups on hand.

-The guy that changes the oil on her car is a back up.
-The guy she used to work with is a back up.
-The guy she works with right now is a back up.
-The guy that works in the sandwich place she always goes to is a back up.
-The guy that hits on her on the tube first thing in the morning is a back up.
...and ANY ex is also a back up.

A women is ALWAYS gonna have back ups. The thing is she (half the time) won't even think of them as back ups or call them back ups or acknowledge what they are...but the second you give her a reason to, she'll dial one up tell him she's having 'problems' with 'you', and needs 'a friend' she can 'just talk' to over 'just a coffee'...

And if he's anything other than a bed wetter i'll know he's basically 'in' home free. All he needs to do is play the 'sounds like you could do with just getting your mind off all this shit...' line... and he'll get a nasty angry sweaty fuck out of the deal... And she'll probably thank him for it too. And tell him it was 'just what I needed'.

Next morning she'll claim it was just a 'big mistake' and he should 'forget' that it happened...at which point the ball is basically in HIS court. He can give her whatever you didn't (support/adventure/trust/security etc) and steal her off you, he can play his cards close to his chest and hang back and let your insecurites keep getting him laid with your missus.

Don't let your insecurites put another guy clean through on goal. Don't worry about what people are gonna do to steal her, worry about making sure she'd be a fool to let them.

Why?
Is it because you don't want them to have done it or is it because you want them to do it with you?

Actually, I haven't thought about WHY I want to know this...

I guess it's so I know how experienced she is, to gauge how similar we are?
Also, if she's done something I haven't, maybe she can teach me a thing or two. Doesn't have to be a problem or intimidating or negative..

Also, if I've done things she hasn't, I can teach her some things!

There isn't much I "don't want them to have done". Only the extreme stuff

That's a pretty broad term there matey. What if by 'bondage' YOU mean 'wearing fluffy handcuffs and a blindfold' and SHE means 'being hung upside down on meat hooks, stabbed with a bunch of surgical tools and then arse fucked in a pool of her own blood'

...or visa versa?

Just sayin...

Then she's my kinda girl!