Quote:
Originally Posted by GenePoole
It's more a judgement call. For some reason, probably dating back to school days or something, that's a girl is a slut if she has lots of 1 night stands or explicit sexual relationships. I never seem to get jealous of their longer relationships that have ended but have often ended up judging them on their no commitment ones.
I find it a lack of respect if a girl I'm seeing happens to keep in contact with her exes, that's the crux of it.
Well, I've never been cheated on so I don't have a lack of self esteem related to worries about my partner going off with someone else but I accept some part of it must be related to esteem. In fact most of my partners have been head over heels with me but I ended up leaving them eventually. The only relationships I ever had where I was dumped were caused my negative judgement making the girl feel terrible, which I regret but I seem to do it over and over in every LTR or new person I'm seeing.
Number of partners I think plus the actual event that happened. I would probably class a threesome as worse than a one night stand.
It's a judgement based on whether they were being tricked into expecting more from the guy and then the guy just left the next morning after getting what he wanted.
The problem is that I want to change these reactions as I'm not exactly a saint myself. I've had ONS's, ended up cheating on a LTR in the past so I've made mistakes too it's just getting my head around this and changing my thinking. |
All girls keep in touch with atleast SOME exs. It’s a fact of life. Just as we strive to get our numbers up they strive to keep their numbers down and a dick they’ve already bounced will often become an 'emergency' dick they'll consider bouncing on again should the need arise..
And that need will arise if you are needy, insecure, vulnerable. If you pry into her past and judge her and seek to control her in ways that demonstrates your fear/insecurity inferiority in relation to her sexuality.
It's about how you make her FEEL. If you make her feel great, give her toe curling orgasms and exactly the right amount of hugs relative to your level of interest/commitment (i.e not too many/not too few)...then in her mind you'll have a 15" cock, arms like tree trucks and be the don juan of dick swinging dandys... she'll put a 'no entry' sign over the front of her pussy. You won't need to worry about other dudes trying to sneak into her pussy, because she'll check their advances for you...Because just like the song says...Her heart (read; pussy) '...belongs to daddy.'
Make her feel shit and dirty and slutty and judged, suffocated and project your insecurites onto her and she'll put up and an 'open all hours' sign over her pussy and start inviting in any of the motely crew of cocks she thinks might make her FEEL better than you do.
Start with your mindset. Sex isn’t something women just 'have' and men want/need. It’s something men and women (or women and women/ men and men/a woman and a horse) whatever...SHARE. Well maybe not the horse (as he didn’t have much of a say) but you get the idea. The idea that men ‘bed’ women is a social contruction. If it’s not rape then she’s bedded you right BACK. Divorce yourself from the idea that an independent woman having sex, CHOOSING to be seduced and led estray and enjoying it is a 'bad' thing.
Women want to be seduced as much as we want to seduce them. It’s not a battle. She’s not ‘defeated’ when she puts out. She wants to surrender she just needs to be convinced it's gonna be worth her while to do so. If you give her good times lots of adventures and a toe curling orgasm she’s 'winning' JUST as much as you are when she jerks you off all over her butt cheeks.
If subconsciously on any level you regard sex as simply something she 'has' that you want from her you are handing her the dice and it will always prove to be unsustainable eventually. Focus on what YOU have to give her TODAY...not on what you think she might have given Trevor Jenkins behind the school bike shed back in 1999 when she was in class 9E...
It's okay to feel insecure now and then. Just never let them see you bleed.
