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Originally Posted by GenePoole
My main insecurities always tend to happen in new relationships where I often get onto asking the girl about her past - basic insecurities of jealousy and of judging the girls.
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Judging her in what sense? You mean that she's a 'slut'? What would cause a negative judgement? Number of partners? Quality of partners? Number of lays per partner? Why does any of that shit matter? It's all in the past with the potential to get in the way of moving forward and developing a connection with someone in the present surely?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GenePoole
One solution is not to ask the questions in the first place but I usually find it unavoidable. For example, one girl I've been seeing recently, I'm already starting to get jealous by looking on her FB page and wondering if there are other guys about/orbiters or past relationships. The phrase "don't ask if you can't handle the answer" comes to mind but I'd rather get over the insecurities in the first place.
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Posetive people always want to look forward. Regret is the only sin. Oh and get off FB...it's a festering shit hole that thrives on and fuels rampant insecurity. It's full of needy bitches gagging for attention complaining and keeping up with the jones...got off there esp if you are the type of person it's not healthy for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GenePoole
So, what causes me to judge girls on their behaviour when I might have done or would happily do the same things they they have done sexually in the first place? Is this just a natural feeling that you have to overcome?
It has caused the end of a few relationships in my time either because I couldn't handle it or because the girl got annoyed with my judgements of them.
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Sounds like you regard sex as somehow nasty or wrong or deviant? It's not of course. And more to the point some people have psychological hang ups that manifest themselves in sexual habits and behaviour, but it can cut both ways. multiple partners doesn't automatically equal 'issues' or 'bad egg' and a handful of them isn't nessarily a good sign either, surely?
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Originally Posted by GenePoole
Another example, a girl called me a good kisser the other day and said I obviously knew exactly what I was doing. Now personally, I think that's a great way to view someone in the present. However, if that was me, my thoughts would be along the lines of she's a really good kisser but how many men must she have kissed to be that good. It's an immediate backward looking/unhealthy questioning of their past.
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You are taking a casual compliment and turning it into a stick to beat yourself over the head with. There is no way round it you have to train yourself to see the half full side of the glass instead of half empty.