Broadswords Thread

[daleinthedark]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

I don't have any other chicks on the go, I never have in my entire life.

So let's go sort this out Broadsword? Why do you think this is?

And more importantly what do you want?

[BroadswordWSJ]

This might explain things a lot better although you don't have to reade the whole post.

I'd always put it down to my lack of height & looks. Whilst it is true I'm a dwarf of a man and have average - below average looks, plenty of men the same as me get women, so whilst its related, its not really the problem. Besides i can't change therse things; be as well get on with it. Weirdly last few months i look in the mirror a lot and actually think I look pretty good, although maybe I'm just not photogenic, i never seem to look good in photos.

Main problems would be: lack of worthiness, lack of self confidence, lack of self esteem & lack of belief in myself. I've also realised lately probably lack of masculinity (I'm not portrayed as manly enough), and not expressing, or unsuccessfully rerpresenting sexual intent.

In the 5 months or so since I joined here I've made some small steps which I've recorded in this Field Report thread. Nothing major has happened, but I do feel a bit more confident and had some really good times. I've started reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy", I'm only about 40 pages into it but can already relate to some of the factors in it. The big problem is definitly lack of sexual intent, lacking an edge.

[daleinthedark]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

Main problems would be: lack of worthiness, lack of self confidence, lack of self esteem & lack of belief in myself. I've also realised lately probably lack of masculinity (I'm not portrayed as manly enough), and not expressing, or unsuccessfully rerpresenting sexual intent.

Dude you are worthy. Once you find your way of believing this you'll be unstoppable and it will effect all facets of your life

[Serendipity]

I've just read your introductory post again. It strikes a few chords with me because I can now recognise the same thinking errors and limiting beliefs that have caused me problems (btw I'm only 2 inches taller than you are). Things are staring to change for me now. I feel as if I'm untangling that complex matrix of thoughts and feelings and moving forward.

I'm convinced what has made the biggest difference is going out more. From your FRs it's clearly made a difference to you as well. But it takes time. I go along with Tyler's advice that for the first year all you have to do is "GO OUT!"

Drawing on the pickup and self-help resource material to re-enforce your experiences in-field is also good. The wiring in your head was formed over a lot of years. It takes time to undo all that. Time, persistence and constant practice. But you'll get there. This is a fixable problem.

[Barney Stinson]

A lot, if not all of what you have written there Broadsword can be put under 1 heading; decisiveness.

I basically think 'if I don't do it/start it now, then when will I?' - I then act because I've realised that the future is so broad and full of expectations but at the same time it's completely empty. So saying "ohh yeah I'll do that tomorrow/ sometime in the future" is an empty statement with about as much significance as you writing some shit on facebook. It doesnt become significant until you're acting upon it; being in that moment.

That's why realising and embracing the change (taking action) is probably the most significant step.

Make things work for you, not against you.

[BroadswordWSJ]

The last few posts have only really come as a result of seeing that girl again at New Year. But there are elements of truth in them.

I do lack self confidence & self esteem and although Dale scored it out, I am not a typical "manly" man. Based on how I perceive their personalities by how they post on here I'd be the complete opposite of Phil or Kowlaski. I'm realising a few things from Reading "No more Mr. Nice Guy".

It is true - I AM a nice guy. Women tell me that all the time. They only ever just want to be friends. Forget height & looks and a logical answer to this must be lack of masculine presense or sexual expression. My situation is also extremely uncommon & (if) potential women know of this they would be heading for the hills; you can't blame them. I'm a 31 year old man who's never been in a relationship or got naked with another women. It's also not ideal when every single girl you've ever asked out has said no. This is also difficult for me in that I don't know anyone else like this, nobody can relate to it & its not exactly the sort of thing you talk to people about either.

I suppose a big flaw I have is I'm a perfectionist by nature & a black and white (all or nothing) thinker - these are not good traits to have.

But yes, reading back through thiese FR's there have been nights out or interactions I've had whereby I've had a great time and although minor to you guys on here some of the stuff I've written about would never have happened or experienced 5 months ago. It's also occured to me I've always in ways been ashamed or scared of a girl knowing I like her, even when I ask then out. "OMG! What if she realises I like her or she thinks I'm sleazing on her!". I've also never really tried to "seduce" or physically escalate with a girl - I think I've only ever went for a kiss like 3 times (including this New Year). I've now realised this is ridiculous thinking & lack of action and that i should just be more direct & honest! But again crops up the sexual expression thing - whenever I try to do it I either come across as nice & friendly, or the complete polar opposite - sleazy, creepy & weird. I struggle to calibrate it somewhwere in the middle.

At New Year whilst I was at dinner with my female friends, i thought our waitress was hot. Eventually i asked her name, it was Karen. i said "Karen, your a pretty damn good waitress, I bet the rest of them aren't as good as you?" She looked a bit startled embarrassed butt before she could really reply my female friends freaked out and covered their faces with shock...and "apologised" to the waitress for me before scolding me "Oh Broadsword, what are you doing, you don't talk to women like that!" I was actually pretty chuffed with what i said and felt like I couldn't take it further because of my friends! They are women - what the hell do they know about chatting up women??

Anyways, this has all been blown up, crying and whining in self pity with what I've written in italics will get me nowhere. I need to do more of what i did in the last paragraph. Thanks for the replies.

[top-hat]

I was in the same boat a few years ago, I had done literally nothing with another woman. Constantly scared of girls knowing I liked them. Always put into the friend zone.
Then I slept with someone, made her my girlfriend and lasted a damn long time. My advice is to persevere, but when the easy option arrives and it will, take it.

[Serendipity]

And don't listen to your female friends' advice on chatting women.

[maestro]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

T"Oh Broadsword, what are you doing, you don't talk to women like that!"

I'd presume she said this as she has a certain perception of the way you are with women. But I would have playfully but firmly put your female friend in her place for being so condescending.

I'd do the hooker/escort thing to get that 'never been naked with a woman' monkey off your back.

Do the things you enjoy doing a lot, meet people and go for the women you like. Repeat.

[Shahanshah]

Take home the bottom rung girls. The ones happy to even be in your presence. Until you're comfortable doing it. You have to do a lot of things purely for rote learning. Take home any girl who's interested. Develop the habit, the character.