Broadswords Thread

[BroadswordWSJ]

Just as a general update to this........

I've been out a couple of times since I posted, namely mad Friday & NY eve.

Mad Friday I was totally sloshed (I suppose 13 hours of drinking will do that to you). It was too long ago to remember in great detail but I was with my work colleagues for most of the night before meeting some friends. I think I approached about 6 women from my work. From a positive point of view, nothing bad happened, from a negative point of view nothing "results based" happened either. They either had their eye on someone else, already had a BF, weren't interested, or the convo just fizzed out. I also tried speaking with some of my friends work mates when I gatecrashed his night out, but by this point I was totally wasted.

NY eve had something I never expected. Went for a meal with 2 platonic female friends then to a ceilldh at a club. I lost them in the club, sitting at a table on my phone when a girl grabs my hand and whisks me up to dance.

It's the girl I've previously spoken about here & here. Basically "the one who got away", a girl i liked for ages, may have had a chance of something with & totally fucked it up. I've not seen or spoken to her in about 7 months when i decided to cut contact with her. She seemed really pleased to see me & we spoke for ages and must have danced about 4-5 times, I also started openly trying to flirt with her and told her I thought she looked hot. I was pretty hammered toward the end, but as we were dancing I tried maybe 3-4 times to escalate closer to making out with her, keeping eye contact, smiling and gradually trying to reposition us so I had my hands round her waist etc.....and everytime I did this she'd spin me around/away, or put her arms round my neck and just hug me then spin me away. End of the night I just said catch you later, gave her a crap kiss on the cheek and went home. in total we must have spent a collective 45 minutes dancing & as opposed to be all sad and depressed like I might normally be i was furious; how the hell did I not even make out with her??

Probably because she knew thats what i was trying to do and she wasn't interested....the truth hurts. Earlier in the night i saw some other guy doing the same as me and she kept playfully pushing him away and wagging her finger at him etc. She then started texting me the next day and also mentioned that some other guy tried to snog her at the bells and she insta-rejected him (she seemed proud of this). So fine, she doesn't fancy me; but I also think she has some kind of commitment or intimacy issues with men as a result of historic heartbreak, thats 4 years she's been single now. She just seems to reject guys left, right & centre. Seeing her has totally thrown me for a loop.....she's been texting me saying we should meet up & go for drinks as its been so long etc. She's clearly got no interest in me other than friends - if it was anything more than that something would have happened when we were dancing. I think I'm going to politely decline; all that will happen is I'll fancy her again, nothing will happen and it'll just drive me nuts.

[Serendipity]

You don't want to become attached to outcomes / results. They can sense it as neediness. The main thing at the moment is just to go out and have fun.

[maestro]

The girl you speak of Broadsworth sounds like she enjoys the attention and validation from guys. Stay clear.

[BroadswordWSJ]

Originally Posted by maestro

The girl you speak of Broadsworth sounds like she enjoys the attention and validation from guys. Stay clear.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that, but no. She hates being the centre of attention, she's quite introverted (although not a complete shy case) & usually more than happy sitting in the background; she's told me before she never tries to impress anyone.

I'm not saying this because I'm bitter (hands up fair enough, she doesn't fancy me) but I think she may have emotional issues that she supresses. She walked in on her first bf of 4 years shagging someone else, her 2nd bf got all possesive & intense on her which freaked her out. She's now been single for 4 years although she's had 4-5 ONS in that period, the last of which was 2 years ago. She's told me before she got heartbroken pretty bad from that 1st bf and doesn't like letting people get close to her. I asked her out on a date last year to which she replied "I have no time for dating, i think I'm going to be single for a long time". I said to a friend of hers there's no way I'm the only guy who's asked her out in the last 4 years and her friend replied "You aren't....plenty of guys have shown interest in her, she's just never interested back, although she does go home with hot guys for sex only. She's quite fussy & has pretty mega high standards as well".

Maybe she is emotionally fucked, I don't know. This whole high standards thing is almost like perfectionism, I wonder if its maybe just a defence mechanism (set your standards too high to self sabotage - never meet anyone = you'll never get hurt again). It's such a shame - she's such a pretty girl, so intelligent, some negqatives aside that every person has, she has has great girlfriend potential.

The fact I've just written this huge post on her really tells me I need to get her out of my life again; she's text me today asking me out for drinks, I'm torn between telling her the truth (I'm attracted to her too much to be friends with her) or just make up an excuse.

[daleinthedark]

Broadsword, it seems thy you've been caught up with this girl that maybe a "one-itis" May have formed as you have written

That in and of itself is not a bad thing but if the feelings aren't reciprocated it can only lead down a dark road.

As telling her you have feelings for her or withholding that information is neither good or bad, but the way in which you tell her will have the greatest effect.

If I were in your position I would sit on my feelings for the minute and create/explore other options so that when you do see this girl your thoughts/actions don't revolve around her and you can see the situation for what it really is

[BroadswordWSJ]

Originally Posted by daleinthedark

Broadsword, it seems thy you've been caught up with this girl that maybe a "one-itis" May have formed as you have written

That in and of itself is not a bad thing but if the feelings aren't reciprocated it can only lead down a dark road.

As telling her you have feelings for her or withholding that information is neither good or bad, but the way in which you tell her will have the greatest effect.

If I were in your position I would sit on my feelings for the minute and create/explore other options so that when you do see this girl your thoughts/actions don't revolve around her and you can see the situation for what it really is

Yes, would deffo say its one-itis. I've been here with her before. If you scroll up and look at the threads I've hyperlinked I spoke on here about her before, I think you actually also commented on it.

The feelings clearly aren't reciprocated, if they were something would have hapened when i was dancing with her on hogmany. I think I understand what you mean by other options - you mean have more girls so that when I meet her I'm not going to be so invested or needy? (although don't understand what you mean by seeing the situation for what it really is) None of that is happening at the moment. I deffo think for my own sake its not a good idea to meet her, I just don't know how to deal with it.

[daleinthedark]

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

I think I understand what you mean by other options - you mean have more girls so that when I meet her I'm not going to be so invested or needy?

Exactly, you'll be less drawn to her because you'll have other girls to think about and also if she is part of your social circle, by increasing your circle of friends it means you won't end up just out with her and if you do bump into her you'll be a social proofed mac daddy

Originally Posted by BroadswordWSJ

(although don't understand what you mean by seeing the situation for what it really is)

She seems to pay you some attention and have fun with you so it might be that later down the road she decides to act further romantically or she might want to just be a really good friend. Either way time will tell and if she things you are hot stuff because you are dating other girls and having fun it may swing in your favour. Alternatively you might end up with a really good female wing.

[Serendipity]

Got to agree with dale's comments here. Expressed much better than I could have.

This feeling for the girl that has not given you any sort of commitment is a sign there's work to be done. Meaning you have to be interacting with lots more women than you are at the moment. The more you do this the more the effect this woman is having on you will decrease.

That's what all this is about. Forget the sex bit for now. It's about choosing a woman and having a relationship on your own terms. Not being some kind of puppet. because we know that will end badly. Most of us have been there. It's not that women are mean, they can't help it it's just the way they are made and society has evolved in a way that doesn't help men deal with this.

So what you need to do is grow a thicker skin, you get better with women in general, you become more of a man. You don't get pushed around by women. And the funny thing is, as you do this, you become more attractive to women. This is the path you're on and it's the right path. It's very encouraging that you held back from this woman and are thinking about not responding to her requests for contact. You're learning and developing.

[BroadswordWSJ]

I don't have any other chicks on the go, I never have in my entire life. She's also not part of my social circle; we have 1 mutual friend in common. I'm sure she does have fun with me and likes me a lot - as a friend.

The harsh facts are I went out for drinks with her a year ago, we got on ridiculously amazing, plenty of chemistry/compatibility.....but I got stuck in my own head & never made a move. We texted/hung out for a few months after that and any interest she may have had vanished. After seeing her for the first time in like 6 months, if something was going to happen it would have happened when we were dancing at hogmany. Plus, this girl has been single for 4 years - openly admits to having been heart broken in the past & doesn't like lettign people get close to her. She's had a few ONS with hot confident guys. It's pretty unlikely I'm ever going to have any kind of relationship other than friends & its even more unlikely she'd ever want to sleep with me just for the sake of it.

I'd love to be friends with this girl under normal circumstances, but I want more & I always will. She doesn't. I text her back today telling her I'm skint after the festive period & can't manage. Depending on if she keeps contacting me I might have to just tell her the truth.

[Serendipity]

Yeah there seems to be a window of opportunity for making a move (progressing the relationship) that doesn't stay open indefinitely. It's very difficult to re-ignite something after that point.

One thing I've realised is there is much more chance of something happening with a new woman you have only just met than trying to somehow fix the issues with an existing one.