How good can a normal, avergae looking person get with women? - Page 3 - PUA Forums - The UK's Leading Pick-up Artist Forum

Hustler25 · 13-07-2010, 03:18 PM

Take a personality profiling questionnaire to get an insight into 'who you are' (taken with a pinch of salt) Most of us lean more toward introversion or extroversion. I am and will always lean toward introversion I do not feel a need or desire to be 'the life and soul of the party' I am cool just being chill and being a man of few words. Like you Camarda I felt I had to be more 'outgoing' and 'confident' but these are subjective and ambiguous terms.

I feel I am outgoing in that I like to experience new things, socialise and meet new people I enjoy this if I didn't i'd be agoraphophic. I do not feel I need to go into 'entertainer' mode or lead a group of people when im out, I like to leave that to other people for whom that role is more natural.

There are advantages and disadvantages to being introvert and extrovert. Like me, many introverts can feel exhaustion when in the company of others for extended periods of time prefering some respite and solititude. Others who tend to be extrovert need to have people around them all the time otherwise they feel down and lonely quite easily.

People who force themselves to be more 'outgoing' and extroverted often clown it up to the point it gets annoying. But like you say Camarda I think self-acceptance is the most important thing, this forms a foundation for your confidence.

According to Matt Hussey, Confidence tends to comes in 3 forms, the surface level, how you speak act and interact with others, mid-level confidence derived from your job, your social group, the acquisitition of material possessions etc and most importantly your core confidence with comes from your core values and how you treat and percieve yourself. The surface level is easy to fake, you see this all the time whilst the core confidence is a weak foundation, it doesn't take much for their whole confidence structure to fall like a house of playing cards.

Ask women this, last week I spoke to a women who I percieved to be extremely confident, I complimented her on this but she told me it is all an act whereas in actual fact she doesnt value her self that highly and thought when guys approached her to talk to her it was some kind of joke on her! And this was an attractive women.

To quote Ferris Bueller 'A man shouldn't believe in any 'isms' he should believe in himself'

Zone · 13-07-2010, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by camarda

Every social interaction he becomes plagued by thoughts that he should be outgoing, and so he puts on an act. he doesn't behave natural. he feels he must be outgoing. it isn't who he is. everytime he thinks the thought 'he needs to be outgoing' he puts pressure on himself, feels pain and suffering.

Thats not how it works, that comment shows a lack of understanding, A person that isint use to being outgoing, can get themself's into a temporary outgoing state that does come across as natural,and is natural, just requires a little extra effort for some people. I no this for a fact cause i do it myself, you just need the right kind of understanding and effort.

This being natural business is really being applied inaccurately.

nova · 13-07-2010, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hustler25

I am and will always lean toward introversion I do not feel a need or desire to be 'the life and soul of the party' I am cool just being chill and being a man of few words.

You are exagerating when you say 'the life and soul of the party'. It is not as black and white as you claim. There seems to be some confusion here between accepting the way things are and working towards being comfortable in your own skin / not being afraid to speak your mind.

bushido · 13-07-2010, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joe_Fresh

nice topic

You have to question the question "if its not a part of you, whats the point?"

I can tell you straight, waking up at 7.00am every morning is definately not a part of me. but i realise that it is actually healthy and beneficial for me personally cos it puts me in a routine, sleep when its dark, be awake when its light. i believe therefore that taking such actions are good for me personally becos my life experience infroms me so. i also benefit alot from getting up early, i get a friggen wage son!

other examples of doing things that are not a part of you could be exercise etc... if your life experience infroms you that being fit and healthy is good for you then theres nothing wrong with believing that this.

the Q whetehr it is worth believing/being something is inherently subjective people will come to different conclusions as for some the effort to belive/be somthing may be too much for them individually.

the same analogy can be applied to being outgoing and/or confident. it may not be part of you but if by being so your general life experence infroms you that good shit happens then it is more likely than not that it is healthy for you to be so.

from what youve said your not saying that being outgoing/confident has any detrimental impact on you, possibly besides a little effort to be so. it does not put you on a down per say. it is the absense of it that puts you on a down but that down would still be there even if you had never tried to be outgoing, so you have lost nothing by being outgoing/confident, besides a little effort.

i doubt that the down moments you do have (as a result of the absense of being outgoing/confident) are more than you would have had had you never even tried to be outgoing/confident. correct me if i am wrong. if so it is more likely than not taht being outgoing is healthy for you.

again though this is a subjective test. if the effort to be outgoing is really tiresome it may not be healthy for you, or you could be going about being outgoing/confifdent in the wrong way.

in general learning things is healthy for your mental state and necessary for your growth as a person. but again the answer to weteher it is worth beliveing that being outgoing/confident is worth it if it is not part of you is likely to differ from person to person, as the Q is inherently subjective.

that is a healthy size post!

exactly, i see were ur coming from cam but i dont feel the same way. If you try something new or act a certain way that does feel like it 'you', then you should try not to do that? what is being urself? when i was a kid i was very outgoing and talkative and as i got older i changed and became a bit more shy, i started to feel alot more self conscious.. that was the world or the social environment or whatever that changed me.. so is being my true self me acting the way when i was a kid in terms of personality traits (outgoing etc) or in being shy the way i used to be..? i decided to improve on qualities that i believe existing inside me such as being outgoing and partying and going out, it didnt feel like i was being myself when i first started talking to strangers or when i was having to do public speaking but i worked at it and i feel i am becoming my true self. So i say try everythin for a while and see how u do with it, u might think ur a natural introvert but not really be.. there are some things that i couldnt see myself doing like dancing for example but it turns out i love it now

hope i made sense.. lol

Zone · 13-07-2010, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by camarda

i can be outgoing and natural. and so can you. the problem is when it ISNT NATURAL. which is my whole crux.

If it isint natural your not doing it right, Stop posting ignorant depressing bullshit, your just making excuses to yourself why you shouldn't make the effort.

Living in a dream world you created to suit your ignorant beliefs.

Zone · 13-07-2010, 07:22 PM

Camarda

Your a Pussy, Your so far off the mark, its pointless.

Phil · 07:57 PM

Right i gotta stick my ugly head in here... an to be honest ...

everyone does there shit different, its a PUA forum... if u need to fake it FAKE IT

if ur natural LUCKY FUCKIN U

I do an say some shit sometimes... and its defo NOT NATURAL but if i said what i really thought id fuck my shit up with the girl.... ALL WE THINK WEN WE ARE LOOKIN TO FUCK A GIRL IS... IM GONNA FUCK U... DUNNO HOW BUT I AM....

now forgive me if im wrong but wouldnt it be natural to say... UR GETTIN FUCKED YES its worked before... but mostly id just grin nod an say OH YEAH I FUCKIN LOVED THAT FILM TOOO....

Anythin u do for the first time isnt natural, u learn, it only becomes natural after you learn an do..... JESUS u guys come out with me an see me get girls by acting an arrogant prick... where some of u will show magic tricks which i would find a load of BOLLOCKS

it makes NOT ONE IOTA OF DIFFERENCE whether you are spirtual sound, as long as you are happy with ur shit... why argue about MY POINT IS VALID URS ISNT... all life is about is bein happy... if you get that from a crazy wank in the corner cryin over ur ex FINE

if you get it from dressin up as a final fantazy character an fightin with toy swords FINE

If your happy coz ur goin out an LYIN THROO UR TEETH to get balls deep FINE just make sure whatever it is makes u feel that feelin WHEN U CANT HELP BUT SMILE AND THINK

FUCK ME I AM WITHOUT DOUBT THEEEE GREATEST PERSON ON THE EARTH ... AFTER PHIL

AND TO FURTHER THIS... im sure jaz did a BOSS post about FAUX NATURAL... i think maybe there should be a re post...

Hustler25 · 13-07-2010, 09:28 PM

'everyone does there shit different, its a PUA forum... if u need to fake it FAKE IT

if ur natural LUCKY FUCKIN U'

Classic Phil-ism!

Joe_Fresh · 09:52 PM

for some strange reason this serious conversation has decscended into a bit of a farce, Zone.

also kowalski U MAKE ME LAUGH!!! stop with the definitions, lets just use words everyday meanings. we know that philosophy is your fortay, but for gods sake do u have to ram it down peoples throats, u actually detract totally from the substance of the matter as raised and you then focus on semantics leading us down ur own set path that you neatly define for us.

camarda, mate, u may have actually answered ur own q here. if you have such a problem with it then somethings not right. being outgoing is not always good for all people...anyone who says it is, is quite ignorant and clearly needs to broaden their horizons. dude, resist manipulation and overcome confusion.

if ur looking for peace and happyness then you may want to take inspiration from elsewhere and weave it into ur life. i would say that the most happy and peaceful people in the world r highly likley to be not outgoing in the slightest. thats not to say however that people cant find it in being outgoing or a pua or whatever...

Hustler25 · 13-07-2010, 09:53 PM

Blimey, Joe you remind me alot of Simple Dave in that post!