I totally disagree. 99% of the population believe they are what they are. And they never work hard at improving themselves to the best that they can be. And what do they achieve? Fuck all.

Look at the hugely successful people and see what they say. They have worked day after day, week after week, year after year. And it often takes years before they even get a glimmer of success.

All I ask from you is this:
Just devote one year of your life to becoming a social success. Even if you continue to thinks you can't learn a new world of confidence and silky smooth interactions. Just 365 little days of hard graft. Then turn around and compare yourself to how you were the year before. You only need go out on weekends. You can spend week nights learning from books/video. You will not regret it.

I agree with Tw1sted here. I did not get to the stage I am at without having to work damn hard, and I am proud of this fact. The quick fixes and one liners were not reponsible for me being more comfortable with myself. We are born a certain way to a degree, but shaped by experiences equally. Pushing yourself beyond your means (i.e. the type of girl you thought you could not pursue) can change a lot.

This I agree with, but don't write this off as a 'mere thing'. This is a big step. This involves washing away the stifled way in which we think we should behave in front of others. Unlocking your true self takes work, not sitting at home accepting things the way they are.

I was actually refering to one line openers. However addressing the comedy one liners. Having done improv I know that practice and moreso pushing your boundaries does help your comfort levels. If you break through your (standing up in front of people) restraints enough you can realise that if you stop trying to be funny it's much more amusing to people, and you just are funny through doing and being. I'm not sure if this means everyone can be funny though...

Yeah, it is a matter of keeping on the ball (hence I get a wake up call when I turn up at improv after a 5 month absence!) but that's part of the hard work and not accepting things the way they are. People are outgoing and confident for a number of reasons and I guess keeping the cogs well oiled is part of this.

nice topic

You have to question the question "if its not a part of you, whats the point?"

I can tell you straight, waking up at 7.00am every morning is definately not a part of me. but i realise that it is actually healthy and beneficial for me personally cos it puts me in a routine, sleep when its dark, be awake when its light. i believe therefore that taking such actions are good for me personally becos my life experience infroms me so. i also benefit alot from getting up early, i get a friggen wage son!

other examples of doing things that are not a part of you could be exercise etc... if your life experience infroms you that being fit and healthy is good for you then theres nothing wrong with believing that this.

the Q whetehr it is worth believing/being something is inherently subjective people will come to different conclusions as for some the effort to belive/be somthing may be too much for them individually.

the same analogy can be applied to being outgoing and/or confident. it may not be part of you but if by being so your general life experence infroms you that good shit happens then it is more likely than not that it is healthy for you to be so.

from what youve said your not saying that being outgoing/confident has any detrimental impact on you, possibly besides a little effort to be so. it does not put you on a down per say. it is the absense of it that puts you on a down but that down would still be there even if you had never tried to be outgoing, so you have lost nothing by being outgoing/confident, besides a little effort.

i doubt that the down moments you do have (as a result of the absense of being outgoing/confident) are more than you would have had had you never even tried to be outgoing/confident. correct me if i am wrong. if so it is more likely than not taht being outgoing is healthy for you.

again though this is a subjective test. if the effort to be outgoing is really tiresome it may not be healthy for you, or you could be going about being outgoing/confifdent in the wrong way.

in general learning things is healthy for your mental state and necessary for your growth as a person. but again the answer to weteher it is worth beliveing that being outgoing/confident is worth it if it is not part of you is likely to differ from person to person, as the Q is inherently subjective.



that is a healthy size post!

It is part of you, though. That energetic, confident, outgoing person...is you

Its just that you may get in a habit of not going out and communicating for a while and suddenly become a bit rusty.

Being confident, out-going is not who you are - its a habit that you may or may not fall into. Its not fixed - its fluid.

Really confident, outgoing, happy-go-lucky people are like that because they are out there a lot being confident, outgoing, happy-go-lucky.

If you put them in solitary confinement for 2 weeks I bet they wouldn't be so bubbly when they first come out.

Mate, its just a habit. Habits can be learnt and unlearnt. You just need to get in the habit, that's all.

I don't think you need to be 'outgoing' in the way that some people are the 'life and soul of the party' and are at a constant high energy level. I've met a few people that are genuinely like that, and they're absolutely great to have in a social environment. But I don't think any amount of practice will get you to that level if you're not naturally that way.

And if you did try to be that then it would come across as phoney and you'd look like a dick. But that's fine. You don't need to be the guy who's the life and soul of the party. What you need to be is to be able to express your true self without any fear. This is easy for some people. But not for everyone - those people who have issues which don't allow them to say what they want and act the way they want. For some people, breaking off the shackles and expressing your true self takes a lot time and practise, simply because you've spent years and years being the opposite. (When I say "you" I don't necessarily mean you)

An attitude which someone may have had for years isn't going to change overnight, or possibly even change in 12 months or 2 years. To use an anology - a drug addict who's been on drugs for years isn't likely to get clean the first time of trying to kick the habit. But it isn't logical to say 'well, I keep going back to drugs, so why fight it, I am who I am'.

If you love those confident moments, then surely it's worth spending a bit of time and effort to achieve more of those great moments?

Very sad.

My life would be shit, like it was for the past 20 or so years.

I'm not trying to tell you who to be, man. I've got absolutely no right to do that. But your post invoked a strong respose from me - because a lot of your beliefs mirror the ones I have regrettablly held for most of my life.

Maestro.

My thoughts of changing my personality were due to me constantly feeling down, slightly depressed, and being a miserable cunt! Haha! I wasn't happy with it. Life experience has taught me that. And the feeling of loneliness and sadness that came with it was something I'd never be able to be at peace with.

"if you had no thoughts about changing your personailty..." - well, it's in my nature, in my character to look to change something if it's not working for me. Hence my interest in self-improvement. I think my decision to change was inevitable for me because of my personality and who I am. I just wished I'd made the consious decision to change 10 years ago!

Also, I wouldn't say I changed my personality, I've just developed a better ability to express my true self i.e. saying what I want to say and acting the way I want to act with as little fear a possible

Can you see what I mean, camarda?

Kowalski,

Yeah, what camarda said?!

I'm not a philosopher, so be patient with me. According to my dictionary, "Personality - qualities that form a person's character" which is what I understand it to be..

My understanding would be that it is derived from a combination of many different things, such as background, upbringing, environment, your genes?! Personality constitutes of your characteristics such as patience, altruism, ambition.

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean by the last question? :-)

How the fuck do I delete my previous post?!!