French road trip - final night. Approaches.

It's the last night of really enjoyable lads road trip down to South france. Mainly it's been catching up, having a laugh and chilling out on the beach.

After my first holiday report above I made a conscious effort to just have fun and not get into my head about approaches. It made things so much easier and more into the present.

As approaching is still something that scares me and is hugely out of comfort zone I'm just focusing on incremental success and not a specific outcome, at this stage a pleasant interaction is a success in my book until I get comfortable.

Tonight we were out in this cool outside bar in the marina, EVERYONE in this town is super French and speak little English even the bar staff which actually makes it funny and more something to step up to.

A group of 6 girls sit at the table next to us and are chatting away, I'm chatting with my mates but additionally now thinking if there's a way I can speak to the girls too.

Cheesily, with my heart beating, I stand up and walk over to them with my phone and say if would they mind taken a photo of us (a bit random but it worked lol) one of the girls is really happy to oblige (one thing I've found about approaching is there's rarely a cold response, it's really nice to break some of my internal conditioning where doing this will be met with disgust/embarrassment by people nearby). We chat additionally for a bit all smiley, I comment on her style and after bit sit back down.

An hour later I notice they have all finished there drinks a long time ago but are still chatting, I want to reopen thank for picture and get advice on where to go next but get in my head and don't. They leave and say by.

At a later bar I'm doing some G&Ts with mates and random shots, 5 really cute girls (about 24ish) walk in with 2 guys and sit down at end of bar, I make sure I'm still having fun with the guys but get a buzz in my stomach that this would scare shit of me so I must approach. Half hour later i order shots and am joking with the barman, once I've paid I deter to their table and open the guy with a smile, saying we're here for one night and can they recommend anywhere fun with music later. Again, it surprises me, no one tells me to F off or looks at me like I'm a weirdo. The girls seem engaged. We chat for about 5 minutes about the place, I say where we've been and how friendly everyone is, later I say bye and return to friends and feel a lot more confident.

I know tonight I didn't get any numbers or push interactions too much but I had fun the whole night and wasn't in my head. I'm sure for some people speaking to unknown girls/groups is easy but it's definitely been a challenge for me in the past and I'm really liking trying to just walk up to girls and not worry about a social stigma. One thing I've realised that I didn't know existed before is that no one nearby actually really cares that your approaching and this seems to ease a big burden.

Works social - (hotel club basement) then onto a club at 12:30am

Chatting and dancing at works private club. Later a big group of us went to a public club, it felt like I was on home turf and immediately more motivated to approach. It was funny I turned into an approach machine but with at first really bad results!

3 cute girls dancing on the floor, I ask one of them what their out for they say a few girls from from work, I start to say we're on a works do and are partying way too hard but halfway through she just turns away and starts dancing with her mates ouch

A lot of girls in Hawaiian hats and big glasses, I ask one of the girls about glasses and says is she out for a birthday, she says something brief the turns away. I turn to mates and carry on dancing. A bit later the girls are near the bar one of them seems into me she comes over and chat a lot telling me about her group and how one of the girls had a car crash a few weeks ago and has metal plate in her arm. I ask her name we chat for a bit we do some selfies. Later her and her mates are struggling to take a group selfie I offer to take one and say it's painful watching, afterwards I nick her phone and take selfies with my mates, they seem to find it funny.

At bar when me and mates are getting drinks I see a cute girl on her own wonder over and say something like I'm loving this club since it's had the refurb, she says something I say I'm here in big works do and this is after party. She points to a guy down the bar and tells me he is her boyfriend ouch

I approach two girls about half hour later near bar, chatting to them for a bit and get flow on then two guys come over from nowhere it looks like the girls no them, one of them just looks at my and I smile and nod and wonder back to mates ouch lol

In big circle with workmates including girls, one of the girls fancies me but I'm not that keen. Some other girls I was chatting to at bar come over and try and take my novelty oversized glasses (yeah random lol a girl gave them to me earlier) I say I want them back after and ask her name. It goes better this time and she chats for a bit, her mates get photo then actually give them back. Throughought the night they keep wondering over and dancing near me. I wonder over to them all and smile and dance near them, by this time it's 230am I've been drinking a lot and not really got the energy.

Overall pretty bombing night, although I've never had a night like this so maybe it's good to feel like this failure from time to time??

It reminded me of something Tyler says where you have a night and you approach everyone and every group just blows up in your face. I've never had this before but it didn't phase me as much as I'd thought.

I talk way to much in general and feel have to talk to relax, I need to stop this and when on dance floor not use talking as primary communication and instead use more non verbal. Dance floor game is so evasive right now.

I felt stifled before heading out tonight, I had day off as only back from holiday recently so hadnt really spoken to anyone all day till arrived. The old me would've got to second club and just chatted to small works group and been in head about regretting talking to any new people so despite failures I'm glad I made over 6/7 different approaches. Maybe stop drinking earlier.

House party/town

This is a mini update only as I want to try and document more cold approaches than anything.

At a friends bbq, get chatting to this cute black girl who seems really cool, it's going well and she's definately into me. I Go out into dark back garden for a smoke, she comes out and smokes with me, I can definately detect a sexual vibe. After some talking, she takes cigarette and says some random stuff about forming tunnel with our hands and blowing smoke between us. Random although it felt near to kissing as faces nearly touching.

I'm talking with her more, and occasionally grab her waist, I go in for the snog and it's good. Later, a small breakaway group go to a bar for drink, then try and go to livelier place but there's a queue. It's annoying as there's four of us, the queue isn't budging. I suggest after party at mine, they all seem keen but can't get cab. She wispers in my ear we should try and ditch the others and go somewhere else, without making them feel too uncomfortable I get a bit touchy with Muna while chatting. They get hint and say getting bus. We go onto next place, she pays for me and I get drinks. She ask me about my place and do I live with anyone, I say i own flat but have housemate. We're chatting on bench in courtyard a lot, she's sitting facing me I have hand on her leg and hers on mine. Chat, kiss chat. After a bit we go to dance floor and she is properly grinding and I sense it is so on. She even puts ice cube from her drink and kisses me and passes me it in mouth lol

A bit later on floor I suggest grabbing a few drinks back at mine, this time she says she can't as she has babysitter (she has a 1 year old son which she mentioned at bbq also). I suggest maybe a couple at hers but she says about the babysitter but I should go for drinks near hers in near future, it sounds like a simple case of logistics as she seems seriously horny however part of me is thinking maybe I pushed for the house drinks too much and seemed too keen?

We're outside she says she's going to get cab home (other direction to mine), she seems disappointed, we swap numbers kiss then I head to kebab place alone.

lol it wasn't random you wally, it was a confident woman hitting on you!

Yeh this was her telling you to escalate. You should have left and escalated in the taxi and at home but your mind fucked you over a bit by worrying about others and going for a venue change instead.

FYI you can play games for sexual tension within a group if you use the group as like a lid on a pressure cooker, by getting up to stuff with her that nobody else explicitly sees, to the point where you both have to leave! See what I mean?

You realise she wasn't really interested in your living situation, right? This was her telling you to take her back to yours.

lol r u facepaming yet?

Just bit too late mate, missed the window. Now she's thinking about getting back for her nipper.

No…the opposite! Not keen and decisive enough.

No shit!

I think you just got a horny single mum on the prowl and couldn't believe it was happening, which is understandable. Try again with her, I think she'll know you didn't mean to let the opportunity slide. Hit her up with a flirty text n see what happens.

Thanks for that breakdown is was really helpful with good advice

It's great seeing someone else's insight, I can be a bit blinded with this stuff! Yes I so should have been more proactive with the taxi mid night I went for the easy option of venue change. Grrr. She had a great body too lol

She just text me saying she misses me especially my lips (after we swapped numbers last night I sent her a piss take text saying miss me yet? Dave x) so I sent a flirty one back lol hopefully we can meet up and get the same level of tension going and I'll try to not F it up again!

In the meantime I want to get some cold approaches going. What this space.

This is only a mini one as I want to put proper approaches on here soon.

I'm at the end of a works night it's still only 1030 I'm about to leave and a group of 10 hot girls walk in late twenties. My old self would freak out and wish I was speaking to them. As the group I'm with are walking out I'm like no I'm not anxious I'm actually excited and want to know the group so I walk over to the girls and say where is good to go tonight as u doubt know around here. They love it and seem pleased I've spoken to them. We chat for a bit high five etc

I have to go as mates are outside to give me lift home but I realise, I still have a long way to go but subtly and slowly with my perceirance things are changing. It felt so much more easy to approach than five months ago, I am still way too self concious in general but I'm loving recognition of this shift and plan on doing more of it.

An update on the black girl I pulled at the house party, I met up with her last Sunday, she had her baby so slightly limited logistically but she admited she should have come home with me last week for drinks which was good. I text her in the week saying as I've just come back from a lads trip to South france I have a lot of wine that I need help drinking. She wants to cook for me this sat so will see how goes.

I'm off travelling around thailand Cambodia and Vietnam for 3 weeks in sept so excited about what it has in store in terms of self discovery if that's not too hippy lol

Travel - It's not too hippy.
That's the best thing you've written on here.
I could post loads but I look forward to your stories instead.

3 Week Thailand Cambodia Vietnam

I'm a couple of days into my first solo trip and loving it so far. Its amazing at how much it builds your confidence and as a result, game.

Saturday night - Bangkok

Having been checking all the sites out during the day i decide to have an evening drink at the hotel/hostels bar before go out on a strip called Khaosan Road which is like an Ibiza party street that's mental with bars street food sellers clothes etc

Sitting on the hotels front patio I see a cute blonde girl about 25 texting. I sit on the front patio with my beer and smoke. There's a large German group behind us chatting too.

After a few minutes I look over and say to her is she English. She smiles and says she's German. She seems cool, we chat for about half hour, she's not with that group but a girl mate, although she mentions a boyfriend back home but that doesn't stop her chatting away. After 15 minutes she says she has to pop upstairs, which I'm not bothered about as we're only chatting. But she comes back a few mins later with some ciggies and I light her fag. We do some selfies etc then she goes to her mate whose just come in, we hug and say bye and I head to the strip.

This is the first time I think ive ever been on a night out just me but it doesn't feel that bad probably because I imagine there's a lot of similar travellers about.

I go to a rammed lively bar and get a beer inside, 2 girls come to the bar talking english, I say oh no not more english people! They laugh and ask where I'm from. One of the girls is from Surrey, I give her a dig about her being a posh girl etc They say am I Solo travelling, I tell a porkie and say I'm with a mate but he's met a girl and gone home with her and rather than go home I thought I'll stay out as everyone is so friendly. I should have probably just said I'm solo travelling but suppose It's no big deal.

We chat for about 10 mins then another girl they know comes in and they join her. They all seem interested in this Thai guy.

I stay at the bar and chat to one of the local guys who's out with some girls, he has a comedy oversize beer tube with a tap and we high five and chat for a bit lol

After a while a Dutch girl wonders over from her mates nearby and orders a drink next to me at the bar. I say where is she from, Eindhoven, we chat loads about England, bangkok etc she go's back to mates but say I should join, her two other mates are chatting to 2 dudes it looks like they just met. I'm still chatting to the Dutch bird, occasionally one of her mates and then get the dude involved so he doesn't try and cockblock. I'm not sure of the dynamic but later all the girls leave together and me and the guys there lol

It's now late, I'm about to go into the local shop for some munchies before bed, walking out are 3 Thai girls and 2 chodey looking Thai guys. I say to the cutest girl I like your blue dress as I'm walking in and not even looking for a response. She smiles.

After my shop I leave and the group are all still there chatting, I reinitiate with blue dress girl whose loving it, in the background I hear mate sing, she like you and she tells her to shut up with smile. We all end up in a nearby bar chatting, the guys seem a bit frosty and quite young compared to the girl who is 26. I ask the guys name and chat for bit, somehow a connect4 board appears and me and cute girl are playing I beat her and call her a loser with the L symbol on forehead she's laughing. I swap seats so I'm next to her, talking with arm round waist, they all work locally and are out for night out. I remember kissing her shoulder then moving into snog and it's good. We stay for another half hour and we all go, I snog her outside and say bye we have each other's numbers (although I'm off to an island today lol

On the whole a really good night which seemed to just build from nowhere, I would never have done anything like this a year ago.