Over a good few years I've let these thoughts linger in my mind, each 1 springing a new possibility "what if this... what if that..." and so on until my thinking has basically taken over me. The shield I talked about in my earlier post could have been set up by me when I felt threatened, in order to protect myself from my mind. I don't want to think about this, I want to allow the pieces to fall into place. Sometimes a completely random thought will pop into my head and it seems to answer questions and that's it; no thinking.


I'm having a problem in letting go because I can't get at them. I have to peel them off like peeling off a sheet of paper in the game 'pass the parcel', then I'll have the relief when I finally take off the last layer.
I completely agree when you say

I realised that I wasn't in fact myself, I was in an unconscious state made up purely of words, thoughts and experiences. As soon as this comes crashing down whenever I approach someone it's like I've snapped out of a trance. During this I realised

Intuition.

I've heard this described as 'autopilot' where we're going through the motions of engaging in tasks but are too hooked into what's going on in our head to perform the task to full potential.

A challenging situation (when the fight or flight response is triggered) can force us to unhook from everything going on in our heads and become fully engaged in the present.

When we're in that zone we usually produce our best performance.

Exactly dude. When I'm in my best state I don't even think, I just react and I'm not concerned if it is socially 'right' at the time. When I'm in this state, it would be best to go direct.

I went out half of last night and the night before. I had limited cash and couldn't be bothered walking 20 mins to the ATM so I decided to play a game and see how many girls I could get to buy me a drink.

Thursday

I approached 3 girls sat around a table by just sitting down next to them and saying "So you need my help, see if you can pick out 3 young women that are married" 1 replied "how's that meant to help us" I said "cos then you know which guys to go for". It was not the best approach but all 3 girls laughed. For the next few minutes it was going really well, trying to keep all of them in a conversation was challenging but then 1 of them said what a majority of girls say to one another on a night out "I need a wee". That left me with 2. Talked quite deeply about different aspects of their lives and the various types of art we like. Then I said "you know, your table hostings skills need sorting, can't I get a drink?" Emily (the one that was taking the most interest) whilst laughing said "is this so you get beer balls?" I replied with "hey I've only had 2 drinks, this'l be my third; but I suppose it's 1 step closer to drunk". They both started laughing for what felt like ages "what drink do you want?" Boom! So I got my drink and I noticed that another lad was chatting up the other girl that went to the toilets so Sarah went to rescue her leaving me and Emily alone.


We ended up chatting the whole night, a good 2-3 hours. She gave me her phone number and I text her this morning and she replied pritty swiftly.


Friday

Last night ended up been a free drinks night anyway because some mates were also there and I knew 1 of the bar men from my college years. Nice lad. However, due to the free drinks I got a bit more shit faced than I originally planned.


I ended up knocking on a uni mates door at 2am and I'm told I said "Hey dude did I wake you? I'm gonna crash on your sofa for a bit. Cheers man!" walked in and fell asleep without him saying a word. He woke me up at 6am with the smell of a fry up and surprisingly I had no hangover!


A manly hug and then time to depart for home.

'beer balls', haha, I like it.

could respond with "no.. beer goggles"

Had more of a friends social pub night tonight. No approaches what so ever for some reason I feel like it would be weird if I went off talking to people when some of my mates were there. This is more of an ego problem.
A lot of girls making eye contact, smiling etc.. The pickings were pritty slim for both sexes, rather odd on a Saturday night.



I found myself panning around the room looking for someone who I wanted to approach instead of been focused on socialising with my mates. I did speak to a few people at the bar and I started off the 'God Save The Queen' game.



Highlight of the night was when a girl was getting aggressive approaches from 2 guys. Another guy went over along with the bar manager and kicked the 2 guys out. The girl ran over to the young bar manager "that was so brave, my little hero" , the shock on his face was fantastic, then a serious face "I'm married". And he basically walked faster than Usain Bolt back to the bar, don't think I saw him the rest of the night.


Now to watch the F1 Singapore Qually's.

This sounds very similar to my local pub nights.

My mate was telling me quite heavy life problem stuff last night and although I was listening most of the time I was multi-tasking.

I felt obliged to stay around my friends since the last time we met up was before I went away so like 8-9 weeks ago.

People come to me for advice all the time but I never seemed to be able to sort my own problems out, until now.

Yeah, sometimes people just want a sounding board.. a sympathetic ear and it makes them feel better. A trouble shared and all that.

I can be objective usually and give advice if needed.

But I know what you mean it's a different story sorting out your own shit.

It's because the mind is reflexive. In other words you can have thoughts about thoughts and thoughts about feelings.

It's possible to be anxious about your own anxiety, nervous about being nervous, etc.

It's like the layers you were talking about.

But another person doesn't experience all these internal mental events that are going on. They just get the external behaviour and the communication from you.

Sounds like a good couple of nights!