Well after much tip toeing around and keeping my distance from my ex that i loved, she ended it by the way,

she got in touch with me on fb, after a very slow communication back and forth,

I would like her back but i cannot go into it head first i think i need a plan and im looking for a little advice,

So im going to text her tonight and say wed seems a good day its promising some sun, if your not busy fancy a ride out and maybe something to eat...

Im thinking along the lines of playing it cool on wed, no chatting about our past, show her my new found confidence, be funny, have plenty to talk about and demonstrate value in myself

does anyone have any good tips to use or rules to follow, it would be great to get back with her but i know when were out together i cannot be outcome dependent!!

any help greatly appreceated

Ok my advice would be that you don't need a plan.

try not to think about it, and stop thinking of ways to look cool or get her back

go there, be your usual cool self and just try to have fun, no agenda, just fun.

If it's going to happen it will happen that way...

Alternatively rock up in a white van, throw her in the back and keep her as a slave in your sex dungeon! I love the way dungeon sounds

Now the Dungeon sounds very good expecially since all women are reading 50shades of gray i have a good opening LOL!!

thanks for the advice i will be sticking to the no plan plan then

it sounds your far too invested to make this work.

if ur looking for a specific outcome, its not gonna work.

Women and "plans" are mutually exclusive.

See if you can spot the problem.

I do see the problem yes!! damn, what the hell to do,

i messud up this morning by texting twice becase she hadnt answered the text from the night before, im looking desprete and needy already!!!!

i asked what time to meet up and no comunication since 4pm today just the one text to say wed would be ok

maybe i should just drop it and let her do all the texting and running, let wed pass then show her that it doesnt bother me at all

its quite hard to detach when your attracted to someone im finding it very hard sorry guys

this is a disaster waiting to happen. U need to just cancel the date. and tell her u cant catch up till next week.

get out of that loop, and come back to it wen ur in control of urself. coz shes gonna walk all over u mate, not coz of her, coz of yourself

Sort it the fuck out, shes just a girl, probly spent the last 3 years being treated like a nob, in love with some guy coz he didnt care, and was a proper macho alpha tit, and wants some control back.

Do not be simon from the inbetweeners movie

I always give the same advice in this situation, and that is regardless of what happens find some OTHER GIRLS. The ultimate and only real cure to worrying too much about being outcome dependent and desperate and needy is actually NOT being outcome dependent and desperate and needy. Trust me this girl is not special. Provided you step the fuck up it will not matter whether this goes either way, and it might actually be a better outcome if you don't end up in some on again off again shaky relationship you've been chasing. You need to actively put yourself in a situation where you realise that.

Simon from the inbetweeners is a great example of what not to be. Here's a more positive example of how to think from when I broke up with a girl recently. You ever seen the Karate Kid films? You notice how every film is about him fighting for a girl and having a connection with her, then in the next film there's a brand new girl with no mention of the old one? That's because every one is a brand new adventure. The past is fun and awesome, but clinging to it when it's had its time just puts a block on the awesome new shit you should be doing now. There's so many cool girls out there, why limit yourself. Karate Kid 2, man. Karate Kid 2.

Cancel Wednesday, say another time. Go out meet girls. Go on some dates, fuck someone, whatever. Even if that takes a while wait until you're looking at this from a better vantage point. Then you can do it, whatever, why not. But to be honest by then you might not even want to.

Am I the only one who thinks getting with your ex is just dumb-as?

There's a reason you broke up last time. You're obviously too engrossed in all this for you to be just in it for the sex. You'll just be strung along and dumped again and it's going to hurt, again.

IF you had other girls, weren't too fussed and met up with her, chances are you'd get together. She'd then see how much cooler you are now, and she also knows about the sweet inner you. That'd be the best of both worlds for her, the 'dream', she'd be all over you.

If that happened, she'd get clingy and you'd get bored.

It's all a bit paradoxical.

Chaps, you have hit the nail on the head here...i thought i could be cool with her and show her how much a better person i was than all those noobs she has been with, hmm reading her dating site profile she is desprate for a boyfriend someone who isnt a player..

looks like i am still not in the right frame of mind i have for 3 years done nothing but think of here, i am ashamed to say involved in a married woman and everything was ok for the first year now she has backed off a lot and maybe this is the reason why im pushing my self towards my ex, i know there is no future in the married lady, and the ex well i think i have put her on a pedastal and made her better than i think she is, i was hoping that on wed i could take her out be cool, confident show value and what she has been missing only for me to feel better knowing that she would want me back,
but going in being outcome dependent would be a disaster, if i could hold my shit together, be funny, and just treat her like a normal person, none of this nicey nicey stuff and being afraid to give an oppinion, also give me a chance to get a proper good look at her and realise that she isnt that super model princess i made her out to be im hoping this is a good opertunity to close the door behind me knowing she wants me and i can leave feeling valuable, sad i know but a real test for me