Sounds like you're going in with an objective, an expectation. Whilst you're with her, or before you go out day gaming, think about the other girls that you could be chatting to and the other successes. Then maybe you won't think of kissing this particular girl too much.

Have you tried teasing her into a kiss? I've yet to try this but my mate claims 80% success rate with "the pet tease".

YOU- "If you could be any animal in the world what would it be?"
HER- "(whatever she chooses)" - don't answer her "how about you?" question..
YOU- "Cool. You know, I could have you as that animal... my pet! I could tease you, cuddle you,(go in really close as if to makeout) kiss you ... Just a shame your not that animal huh?" ... start walking again... then stop.
YOU- "Let's see if you can be". Go in for the kiss

Might be worth a shot, gives you a bigger window of time so you won't specifically think about the actual kiss too much.. I'm attempting to stay away from material made like this but just for the fun of it's a friend that made it, I might give it a go.

I agree with this. I think it is born from a recent splurge of dates over the past few months where I've gone from not even attempting kissing, to setting myself the goal of attempting at least 2/3 times on every date. It has got me to a place where I don't even feel any emotion if they don't want to kiss me (I used to feel very butt hurt). However, now I am trying to get a result from the date. This is a bad mindset. Things need to just flow.

Yeah dude it's like you're adding more pressure for yourself on the date.
Treat every date, even instant dates as almost a new chapter in your life. It all starts again, no expectation, no desired outcome, just a natural flow. Then you'll probably see an increase in kisses on instant dates and your problem of awkwardness diminish simply because there's no added expectation on your part.

So, I have stepped back from actively 'chatting up' girls the past few days, and have resisted approaching girls when I see them in the shops/street. In the meantime I thought I would look at my attitude to game and how I have been treating girls. Something just isn't right.

Reflecting, I have considered how certain elements in my game might be changed, i.e. how I speak to the girl, when to do certain things, etc. looking at the most basic pua books in the process. You can focus heavily on certain areas and start to feel fairly lost though, and I for one am only interested in feeling authentic.

So, today I have realised 2 major, very simple behavioural weaknesses that I possess that hold me back with girls:


I am a pushover

On the one hand I have embraced living through my intentions, and being forward and quite sexual with them the past few months, but in doing so I am still too straight forward and needy. I am not a challenge, and who is going to be that interested in something that is handed to them on a plate? This is relevant to my relationships with people in general.


I am impatient

I meet the girl, get her number and am constantly thinking of ways to get her out with me and angle the dates where she can end up near my house and get her into bed. I am forcing things as a result and rushing everything. The girl can feel this and no doubt gets creeped out. Sometimes I could lay a girl within a few hours, and sometimes I need to accept, and even enjoy the fact that it may take several weeks to do so. Again, this impatience is relevant to so many areas of my life.

Relentlessly gaming (effectively playing a numbers game with girls) has not addressed these two particular weaknesses at all. It is now a matter of reflecting on my attitude in dealing with life and people, and generally chilling the fuck out, instead of trying so damn hard all the time.

Yeah, I'll say! you have this habit of losing your cool a bit too easily, sometimes if you're arguing a point you would rather argue until you are blue in the face than rather see things from the other persons perspective.

I wouldn't say you're a push over at all, not these days. A few years back maybe.

This is very much part of the new bigger picture. Looking back I have pursued a lot of girls for the sake of gaming/practicing. I have pushed things with girls even though there is probably no mutual connection or attraction. It is now about me recognising where the girl is 'at' more, instead of just taking a series of formulated steps to suit my own agenda. These are individuals, not just yet 'another girl'. Sometimes it just has to be accepted that it's 'easy come easy go', rather than beating myself up because I couldn't 'get the girl' (of course, this 'getting the girl' is a poor mindset to hold).

Part of this is to recognise that I do in fact have a set of standards, and that is not just merely in looks, but interests and their attitude to life. Knowing what I want is a big part of this. Up until now, these criteria have been blurred.

Interesting reading this Nova....interesting because you wouldn't have had this realisation if you hadn't been relentlessly 'gaming' in the first place.

It's a natural progression, and I look forward to seeing where this goes

I have been pushing a lot of personal boundaries to their extremes. For me, the key now is calibrating all these experiences and actions to be at ease and in the moment. Being, not doing.

Stop talking like a tree-hugging, chick-pea munching, pseudo-budhist Chorltonite!!

Bless you Stuart. I forgive you. Come round my commune for some nettle wine.