I meant to write this up sooner, I've been rather lazy lately.

When it comes to relationships there’s a HUGE amount that can be said, the first thing that’s probably most important is that how you treat a relationship should not be how you treat attracting someone. The behaviours that work when creating attraction are generally contradictory to what works for a relationship and in many cases will only damage or bring an eventual end to the relationship. Here’s a quick breakdown of the basics necessary for longevity in a relationship, this is by no means complete and judgement must be exercised in all situations, in some scenarios parts of this will not apply, in many however it will.

Communication

• A mutual agreement to communicate.
• Bring up problems immediately and discuss – no matter how small.
• Don’t ask the internet, tell your partner.

By mutually agreeing to communicate with one another you’re making a pact of sorts, an agreement to discuss, compromise and listen to one another’s problems in order to help make the relationship work. Agreeing to bring up problems no matter how small as early as possible ensures that the problem will not grow into something out of hand, when problems are ignored they usually get much bigger. The vast majority of relationship problems can be solved few merely communicating with your partner and working towards a solution, instead of asking the internet what you should do about something exercise your own initiative! Speak to your partner.

Honesty

• Be absolutely honest with one another.
• Don’t even tell white lies.
• Absolute honesty improves trust.

There’s a lot of disagreement in studies on the number of lies per day, ranging from 3 to as many as 200. The majority however place this number at between 3 and 10. Everybody tells a number of white lies, mainly to their partners, every day. These are absolutely unnecessary in reality, there is no need for thme. Yes you might think that you’re saving your partner’s feelings when you tell them you don’t like those new jeans they bought but you’re doing it at the expense of added trust you might have gained. If your partner knows you don’t even tell these every day white lies then they’re going to be far more trustworthy of you, they’re not going to feel like you might decieve them on bigger issues. It in fact improves a relationship.

Trust

• Combining communication and honesty makes strength increasingly stronger.
• Trust helps defeat insecurity.

In every relationship there is a common problem – that of the fear of loss. Inevitably when one person cares greatly for another they do not wish to lose that person, if this were not present it would raise eyebrows, however it does lead to some common issues associated with the insecurity it can sometimes bring. Dependant on the behaviour of partners one person can feel worried about their partner going out without them. This is not necessarily because they fear being cheated on – a common mistake. You can entirely trust that your partner would not cheat on you but still have fears of them going out without you, this is because your partner does not have to cheat for you to lose them. In order to defeat this partners must communicate their insecurities in such a way that they can overcome outside interferences. They must be able to explain that they’re worried about x person or x behaviour and get the reassurance and change necessary to remove the insecurity. Much of the time though when many of the things I have discussed here are all combined this insecurity issue becomes largely minimised and non existant in many cases.

Balance

• If one side has less control in the relation they may feel insecure.
• If one side has too much control they may feel over responsible or as though their partner is weak.

The imbalance of a relationship causes most break ups.
Lack of control leads to insecurity, insecurity leads to neediness, neediness leads to unattractive features.
Unattractive features inevitably cause one person to lose attraction. If one person is over controlling and not compromising or allowing their partner equal say on various things – or refusing to compromise on a problem, the relationship inevitably falls apart somewhere down the line. Balance is key to ensuring longevity.

Cooperation

• A couple that understands all of the above cooperate to make a relationship work.
• Work to make each other happy. Not yourselves.

This is absolute common sense(or uncommon, if you look at the number of people NOT doing it), two people that cooperate are better than two people working against one another or for themselves. Relationships are built upon making each other happy opposed to making yourself happy. This is the case in the majority of relationships and because of it all that is usually necessary in solving a problem is for your partner to know how the problem is affecting you, nobody wants to hurt the person they care about.

Problem solve first!

• Don’t just end a relationship.
• Try to solve things before ending it.
• All relationships have rought patches.
• Don’t just run away, try to work with your partner to solve a problem before calling it a day.

This is an all too common theme I see. People talk to their friends about a problem in the relationship and then after a couple of weeks they just end it. Their partner never knew there was a problem and thus there was absolutely no chance for it to be solved. It is not your partner’s fault if a relationship ends because YOU did not talk about a problem, it is YOUR fault. Talk to your partners, know that a problem can’t be solved before moving on.

Remain attractive

• Be the best person in their life.
• If someone loses attraction for you, the above means nothing.
• Always try to be fun, awesome and enjoyable to be around.
• If you are the best person in their life there is no reason to be insecure.
• If you become somebody that your partner no longer sees as attractive or someone they enjoy themselves around then the relationship is inevitably doomed. Always remember the key reasons you’re with your partner – you enjoy being around them. Make sure they want to be around you.

Of all the advice I can give on this subject there is one thing that stands above everything and that is state of mind. There are effectively two mindsets that people have in relationships. The first mindset is that they may care for their partner but are uncertain of whether they will always be together. The second mindset is one of cast iron commitment in the face of adversity.

The first mindset, when faced with a problem will see the possibility of failing to solve said problem. The second mindset will not. They will vehemently believe that anything can be solved. The first mindset inevitably allows doubt to creep in, over thinking occurs and people tend to think themselves out of relationships. In many cases this occurs in relationships where both partners are fully in love too, in many cases the over-thinker only realising they’ve made a terrible mistake in ending things after the fact. In their attempts to repair their mistakes they look insecure or like they’re messing their partner about and an inevitable spiral occurs that can only end badly.

“We might get through this”
“We WILL get through this”

Which mindset do you think works?

u cant give mutual relationship advice, coz u may follow it but how do u know she will??

the best you can do is do what u feel is best, never allow her to walk on your rules.


and if she does, she isnt for u! move on..

I think the hardest part in a relationship is finding a girl who will do everything in your post.

I do think it's good advice though!

Tl, dr. However, this:

is bang on the money and is all you really need to know. You want a relationship to last? Bring in some of the shit social conditioning teaches us - take your girl out, make her feel special. Don't go mad with it, but don't be afraid to use it.

Communication.

Walk on your rules? Enforce anything on someone with that kind of dominating do what I want attitude and a relationship won't last. I also believe that any girl that you truly end up wanting a relationship with Phil will be the one that makes you respect her by not giving you your way. I don't picture a submissive girl being your relationship type at all. So if that's true ask yourself, how will an uncompromising attitude wash with a girl who also demands respect? A girl somewhat like you in ways.

I could be way off base. Obedience might be exactly what you want, I don't think theatres quite right though.

if i have a GF, and i say... when your out, u have no reason to be speaking to guys u dont know, so dont... <end of>

and she say's ILL SPEAK TO WHOEVER I WANT

then no the relationship wont last, coz she would be gettin fuked right off!

women need certain rules enforcing.... otherwise they will walk on u...

i thought for years the LET THEM DO WHAT THEY WANT routine was the way forward... but the only girls i ever see to be faithfull to a fella...

is the ones who respect the fact.. MY FELLA WONT ALLOW THAT.

if there are no rules, wer are the boundaries....

BE A MAN,

"you will respect me or you will lose me" not "do what you want coz i respect your freedom and i dont want to hold u back"

if she wants freedom to do what she want,she can be single, but she aint free on my fuckin watch...

she is my property... she can go out whenever she wants and do what she likes as long as its within the guidelines of a relationship

So you wouldn't treat your girlfriend differently to a girl you're trying to pull in a club or bar?

Experience has taught me that to keep a relationship going, yes you've got to carry on being your authentic self etc etc, but you also have to do things to make her feel special - stuff you don't do for any other girl, stuff you don't say to any other girl. Treating her like "just another girl" does not = successful long-term relationship.

Eep. This comes from entirely the wrong place, that's not being a man at all, it's being an insecure controlling dick. I imagine this being the same kind of mindset that kept women having no rights for so many years and "in their place".

Let me go through this...

This comes from a fear of loss, something I noted above actually. In a healthy relationship there is no fear of loss, communication trust and love makes both people feel entirely secure. They feel like their partners see them as the best person in the world and this feeling is what stops insecurity. Forget being afraid of someone taking your girl and think of it this way, you're not going to lose her if you're the best. You wouldn't want a girl to stick around with you if she saw someone else as better would you? Let her 'settle' for you? To me that would make her less attractive, unable to pursue what she really wants and not really wanting me? No thanks.

Put it this way - you don't want her to talk to other men (assuming it's because of fear of cheating/loss) but you'll dump her if she does? Causing the loss yourself? That's entirely illogical. The only reason this could possibly be a logical thought process would be if you replace the fear of loss with a much more sadistical motive of control and domination. That instead isn't derived from fear but from (which you later alluded to) a sense of ownership.

In a relationship you do not own someone, she is not your pet dog.

So, what motive drives not wanting her to talk to other men? Loss? Or merely wanting to control her and feel powerful?

---

If you're the man you do not fear her talking to other men because you know you're better and thus know you're not going to lose her.

I think the point you're trying to make here is that there's a significant difference in the behaviour the authentic self exhibits to a person they truly trust and lean on after falling for them and just someone you care about.

In truth, I think the tipping point for love comes when two people are no longer afraid of giving each other their insecurities. In essence to love we must be capable of giving people the power to hurt us, this to me seems to coincide most often with that period of a relationship where people start sharing some of the pretty nasty shit they've been through, telling them the kinds of things that have really hurt them, letting out that which shapes their neuroses.

this is crap, as i myself know i can pull most women from the clutches of a healthy relationship by honing in on weak points... not that i bother chasin that, but there are guys who dont hold the same scruples

ur GF shouldnt be speakin to guys on a night out end of.