I wouldn't go that far.

Ruthlessness has bad connotations attached to it and sounds like you would fuck over anyone who gets in the way of what you want.

Just be sure of yourself, your goals and stand up for who you are. If you can't be yourself and like yourself how is anyone else going to?

So I carry on with the occasional funny text, it seems if I pursue her it pushes her away, i'll let her come to me. I know she has issues from her ex, and she needs to work through them. Wondering how to be there for her, without falling to far into the friend zone. hmmm

Thats your answer, STOP pursuing her...! She will come to you but Tom is right, dont be ruthless...treat them well!

I clearly need to clarify, I am not advocating being ruthless with her (or other peoples emotions), I mean with your own emotions and beliefs that are causing you grief.

Maybe I should have explained myself alittle more, I don't condone being wreckless with other people and their feelings and emotions. However sometimes when your own feelings and emotions about a girl get tied up and strung all over the place it helps to be ruthless in dealing with these emotions to enable you to cut-off those ties if need be, stop wasting time and energy and to move on.

If you meet a guy and he's an absolute dick, once you've cemented an idea of this persons character within your brain you are not likely to want to give this person the time of day, give him any second chances or the benefit of the doubt! You have had to ruthlessly cut this person out of your life because there is no benefit in befriending this person as you know that it won't likely work.

Why shouldnt the same apply to women?? There is no point in chasing unrequited love or feelings with a girl or in sitting around and waiting for it to happen. It will only hold you back. Here is where you have to be ruthless with yourself and say ENOUGH! be realistic with yourself and move on.

Women are ruthless with men all the time because they have to be.

Some may regard this as selfish and in essence it is. After all we are all here pursuing 'Self-improvement' improving oneself for the better, for personal growth and reward. That in itself is surely selfish? We are not all necessarily here because we want to be philanthropists.

Adam Lyons (AFC adam) once said that what gave him his edge over other guys was that he was 'Cold'. Adam is naturally a nice guy and altruistic but he knew that if he wasn't ruthless or 'cold' (as he put it) he would get caught up in too many unwanted emotions with women and it would stifle his growth as a person.

Look around you, some of the most successful people on this planet have gotten to where they are because they have had to be ruthless at some stage. You only need to watch 'Dragons Den' to see all the dragons are ruthless people, yet they have had to be to get to where they are.

Hustler self improvement doesn't mean you have to be selfish far from it.
If anything self improvement leads to being better to other people.

What constutes success? If being rich is what your after then yes being selfish is the way to be sucessful but I see that as social conditioning and going after external wealth rather than being happy with who you are whatever the situation.
I would rather be happy within myself than wealthy.

I think we are on the same page but you have a strange way of saying it with words like ruthless and selfish. These are not traits I wish to have or be known for.

Back to Jpot
There's something between you, you're talking till late at night and she has issues with an ex so just cutting her out would seem like a pretty ruthless thing to do.

You doesn't have to totally cut her out just not chase after her, be independant from the situation. If later down the line you get with her then great but if you don't, don't worry you are awesome enough to find someone else.

Be happy within yourself rather than rely on other peoples approval to lift you up. Seeking approval is taking where as if you are a naturally cool happy genuine guy who doesn't seek approval then you give rather than take <The kind of thing in Tyler's blueprint.

I don't think I'm articulating my point very well, (my bad) there seems to be too much confusion. I'm not saying self-improvement is down right selfish, far from it. All I'm saying is at some level it is self-ish after all it concerns itself with ones own benefits, welfare, development and interests at its heart. A product of this is that we also become benevolent and better people, a trait that most of us aspire to become through self-improvement.

When it becomes purely self-ish is when you get guys who just want to learn some lines, or tricks or routines just to get some fanny and they don't give a shit about anything else.

I personally don't see a problem in possessing a ruthless streak, that is just my opinion. Without it I feel I would get hung up on things that are really not worth my while in the grand scheme of things. I am not saying its ok to go out and fuck other people over for your own gain or to be ruthless or wreckless with other peoples feelings and emotions. After all I am a firm believer in treating other people as you would wish them to treat you.

I am (or at least I think I am) at my core a nice guy, however if someone fucks me over I will just sack them off and move on. Or if a girl does not reciprocate my interests I am not going to chase her or sit at home crying about it I will just sack her off and move on.
In order to become self-disciplined you sometimes have to be ruthless with yourself otherwise other distractions can get in the way.

That is my point really, when I say to 'be ruthless' I meant with the emotions in oneself if they only serve as a distraction. I don't mean be directly ruthless with other people.

In the case of Jpotter and this girl who is blowing hot and cold I am not saying be ruthless in that you should cut-her off completely out of your life. The context is different to that of some random girl in a bar, you are friends with this girl so this needs handling differently.

I wouldnt suggest cutting her out of your life by any means. What I would say is limit your contact with her. If you feel needy and get the urge to text her, call her etc be ruthless with yourself, show some self-discipline and become restraint in doing so. Pursuing a girl who is sending out mixed signal can be a dangerous game as you could end up pushing her away. This happened to me in the past with ex-girlfriends, if only I'd been more ruthless back in the day with my own behaviour and didn't act like such a needy chump it could have been a different story.

Ruthlessness does have negative connotations yes and people will throw their arms in the air and question the morality of the trait but I feel it can also be used positively for good, not evil.

Hustler,
I think we are on the same page. Self ruthlessness is at times crucial. But in my case, I prefer to call it self-discipline.

In my non-pua days I used to mop around when a girl didnt reciprocate my interests. It was my weakness. Nowadays, fortunately (or unfortunately) the tables are turned. A case in point: I spent three evenings with a girl recently but I made my intention clear from the very beginning that I couldnt and wouldnt be in a serious relationship. I am a very nice guy, I treat girls well. So we had the best time together. At the weekend, I got a text saying, her feelings were deeper and she wanted to take it further but she knew it couldnt happen so she politely said she would pull away and not contact me again before she got hurt. So call it ruthless or whatever, I didnt bother replying and lo behold, the next day I was bombarded with texts and messages and phonecalls which I didnt answer till the next day (ruthless, maybe). She said she was sorry and would like to see me again.

Maybe my experience seems gay but it is true and it is better to portray a life example.

Much success..!

thanks guys full of wise advice as always

First off, I'd try and get away from the mindset of 'waiting for fate to decide' this. It's ideally your call on this, and you should take the bull by the horns, therefore up to YOU IF it works out well.


You said it... she is in control. She is (shit) testing you in every which way, pulling and pushing you with hot and cold response (not sure what hot/warm responses you have been getting, but ideally you need to try and push all this to one side as a lack of negative response is often a warm response). You need to stop thinking of yourself as her shoulder to cry on... this makes you her friend and nothing more.

You say you seriously like her, but think about it - on what grounds?? What makes her so special that you will let her dominate your field of potential suitors/girls. There's millions out there. Just because one shows a little interest in you you SHOULD NOT let her bog you down with you focusing on trying to tackle just her. She won't thank you for it at the end of the day.

P.S. Ruthlessness has unfortunate connotations - i.e. heartless, merciless, lack of compasion. Ideally you want to be disciplined like Legend suggests and ultimately respect yourself!

Hear hear Nova!, I think next time a guy comes onto this forum with 'Hey guys there is this girl who I really like but.....' they should be directed immedieatly to this thread!!