I don't think I'm articulating my point very well, (my bad) there seems to be too much confusion. I'm not saying self-improvement is down right selfish, far from it. All I'm saying is at some level it is self-ish after all it concerns itself with ones own benefits, welfare, development and interests at its heart. A product of this is that we also become benevolent and better people, a trait that most of us aspire to become through self-improvement.

When it becomes purely self-ish is when you get guys who just want to learn some lines, or tricks or routines just to get some fanny and they don't give a shit about anything else.

I personally don't see a problem in possessing a ruthless streak, that is just my opinion. Without it I feel I would get hung up on things that are really not worth my while in the grand scheme of things. I am not saying its ok to go out and fuck other people over for your own gain or to be ruthless or wreckless with other peoples feelings and emotions. After all I am a firm believer in treating other people as you would wish them to treat you.

I am (or at least I think I am) at my core a nice guy, however if someone fucks me over I will just sack them off and move on. Or if a girl does not reciprocate my interests I am not going to chase her or sit at home crying about it I will just sack her off and move on.
In order to become self-disciplined you sometimes have to be ruthless with yourself otherwise other distractions can get in the way.

That is my point really, when I say to 'be ruthless' I meant with the emotions in oneself if they only serve as a distraction. I don't mean be directly ruthless with other people.

In the case of Jpotter and this girl who is blowing hot and cold I am not saying be ruthless in that you should cut-her off completely out of your life. The context is different to that of some random girl in a bar, you are friends with this girl so this needs handling differently.

I wouldnt suggest cutting her out of your life by any means. What I would say is limit your contact with her. If you feel needy and get the urge to text her, call her etc be ruthless with yourself, show some self-discipline and become restraint in doing so. Pursuing a girl who is sending out mixed signal can be a dangerous game as you could end up pushing her away. This happened to me in the past with ex-girlfriends, if only I'd been more ruthless back in the day with my own behaviour and didn't act like such a needy chump it could have been a different story.

Ruthlessness does have negative connotations yes and people will throw their arms in the air and question the morality of the trait but I feel it can also be used positively for good, not evil.