Hot and Cold
 

Hi Guys

Any advice greatly appreciated here. Basically, there's a girl that i like very much indeed and can see things going somewhere IF it works out well. We have met with a group of friends before but never as individuals so we have organised to hook up and have a few drinks. In the process of this we have been chatting via email and phone we both came out of long term relationships last year and have just been taking things easy. Yeah I would love to have something with her, but we need to see how things work out when we have these drinks.

I am going up to see her as she lives about 3 hours away from me last night we were chatting and she doesn't like the idea of another long term relationship, bare in mind I am moving up there in 3 months anyway. I may have mentioned the fact that sometime sown the line I'd possibly like to have a relationship with her but at the moment I just want things to go at their own pace and develop naturally.

She is blowing hot and cold each day and it's seriously fucking with my mind as it's putting her in control. Now don't get me wrong I seriously like her very much but she tells me what is wrong and I do my best to put her mind at ease.

Any suggestions? Although I suspect this is all a little vague!

Cheers

I think you should take it all as it comes, just have fun and make sure she enjoys spending time with you. Just casually flirt and have a laugh and escalalate whenever possible. Make sure that you don't act like shes you're only option too, if she wants you to herself she needs to work for a relationship(That isnt to say go around picking up loads of chicks though lol)

Best of luck man

Hey mate,
I have been in situations like this in the past, before my PUA days. And yes you are right, they do seriously fucked your brain up. The main issue here imho is you making a big deal of this girl and as a result, she's toying with your emotions although I dont think she's doing it on purpose. We scrutinise every single word, sentence, action that she does and yet a lot of the time she is doing what a woman does best - being emotional, indecisive etc.

My piece of advice, just go with the flow with her, keep in contact with her and in the meantime, have a good laugh with your mates. Now you know about this community, go out in the field, find your wingmen and meet more girls. There are so many HBs out and about, it will be a shame to channel your energy and emotion on one (unless of course you are in a relationship with her) and she might not be interested afterall...! I think you get my drift...!

Damned I feel like agony aunt...!

Much Success matey!

Lol legend you should start a daily column!!!

Cheers guys I know I should just kind of put her in a box and let all the shit happen and just go with it, but it's just fucking my head up. So i'm GOING to put her in her own compartment and go with it.

How much contact should I give her, we've been talking loads lately to the point where we were both still up at 3am talking and as a result knackered the next day. God I'm 29 I shouldn't need to ask these questions. Should I drop it down to minimum contact? What is minimum contact?

Cheers

Unfortunately mate theres a fine line between being 'cool' and seeming disinterested...though both do work!
If she thinks that you are a strong person that can stand on your own two feet without the help of anyone else, then she's gonna want to be around you. As soon as she thinks that you need other people, ie her to be the person that you claim to be, she is very likely to loose interest completely!
I know because this is me! All my life i've wanted/needed a girlfriend by my side to cherish and have fun with, and because I wanted this so badly for so long, I was giving off really bad vibes to the girls I was attracted to because I was so nervous! Now that I have more of a sense of who I am and where I want to be, I have found that I am not as attatched to the outcome of every situation, because i am confident that i will eventually get there.
I guess the key is to look at the bigger picture and see that either way, whether you hook up with this girl or not, theres a shit load of other women out there and you've got plenty of time (hopefully) to go out and meet them so what the hell there is no rush!

OK here's an update. She's changed her mind about meeting up she thinks it would be better to just meet up when I move up, but I've booked tickets etc to visit in a few weeks, should I leave it a week or so and then see if she's changed her mind. Or do I just fuck it off and move on?

Move on, you can always pick it up later when you move up there. If you keep trying to get her to meet up with you it might come across as needy.

Before I found this forum I was seeing a French girl who was hot and cold a bit like your situation, we were friends before anything happened. In hindsight I saw that when I was less interested by her the more she wanted me and when I wanted her the less she wanted me, but I didn't realise this at the time.

It messed me up a bit but it taught me a lot, now that I've moved on and not being needy I got an e-mail from her the other day saying she would have married me if I was single now!

I'm not saying don't pay a girl any interest but don't jump though her hoops, do what you want to do and be decisive.

cheers guys you're amazing!

Be ruthless.

Amen to that brother.