you might broker a hard nosed business deal in the morning but the same day you might help an old lady with her shopping. These two things are not in conflict.

I believe you can have values that encompass both these traits. And I think women will love you for that. What they hate and find unattractive is wishy washy weakness.

they'll forgive a lot if you're strong in your values.

I'm not saying this has had any influence at all but I've been copying her in on some of my hard nosed business dealings at work.

For business reasons of course, not to try to impress her. But I think it maybe has impressed her a bit.

You've got to use everything in your arsenal to get what you want.

Story of my life. That's pretty much what brought me here - a girl I liked that I (seemed) to be getting on amazing with. Ended up going out for drinks and I bottled escalating her and thinking back there's a good chance I could easily have made out with her. Too late now but hopefully I'll never make that mistake again.

From everything I'm reading here your getting wayyyyyyyyyyyy carried away and overthinking this far too much. This totally sounds like me when I liked that girl I mentioned in the last post. You'll come to the point where you overthink things, get stuck in your own head and make a mess of things.

Having visual thoughts about her isn't a bad thing - but don't go getting carried away with stuff like holidays and marriage - that's crazy. No harm in visualising positively asking her out and talking to her.

You need to just ask her out and get it done. The longer you put off the more everythings going to build inside you.

So as Barney says, just ask her to do something with you - drinks, bowling etc whether its just you and her or as a tag alone. Do you have her number? Text her.

I think you just need to ask her out ASAP. If she says no its no big deal - at least you asked. Theres a billion reasons why a girl can potentially reject you, many of which aren't related to whether she fancies you or not. There's also plenty reasons why she will say yes. And remember - you don't need to impress her. I don't think you should ever try to go out of your way to impress a girl. You wouldn't bend over backwards to impress a female you had a non romantic interest in would you?

I don't have her number. It actually came into my head to ask her out the first time we met on that night out. I should not have thought twice about that and should have done it there and then. Could have saved myself a lot of suffering. Instead I got up in my head and thought "nah it's far too soon". I should just have showed my intentions.

Believe it or not this is me 'cooled off' relatively speaking with that girl. You are right about overthinking and messing up. Back when I first met her I was so in my head about 'us' I couldn't speak to her normally. I believe this is called an emotional relationship. Except I'm sure it was pretty much one way.

Interestingly a woman friend I have told me that she was like this at her workplace about her husband for a year before he asked her out. Except it wasn't one way obviously, they were both thinking / feeling the same thing.

She tried to sneak a look at his personnel record to find out his name and anything about him. She imagined them going on holiday together to Blackpool. That is eventually where they went on honeymoon. She stalked him. He only asked her out when he overheard some maintenance guy saying he fancied her and he panicked. They've been married 25 years.

Suppose the moral of the story is you just never know what the score is until you ask. And be mature about it whatever the outcome may be. Go for it or move on.

Below is a transcript of an email I sent her in March when I was pissed at 2.30 in the morning when my infatuation with her was at it's max. She had had the cold and I had been thinking about her all day. I remember my original intention was to send an email telling her exactly how I felt but at the last minute I stopped myself and changed it to what's below. I don't know wtf I expected to come of this.

Reading this now it reads like we're already in a relationship. We weren't and she didn't respond to it. She's never mentioned this and neither have I.

Quite embarrassing actually. This made my problem talking to her worse because now I had this un-acknowledged contact in my head and knew that she knew I knew she knew...fuck what a mess I was in.

Months later I sent her a sober email just asking how she was (I was working abroad). She never answered it so I thought okay, she's not appreciating this attention so I'll back off.

"Hi (name withheld),

I’ve been listening to the attached track on my mp3 player.

I thought you would like it.

Hope you aren’t feeling too unwell this morning. I went to (name withheld)leaving do last night.

I’ve got the doctor tomorrow so won't be in.

Have a great weekend when it comes around."


Forget about this. It happened 7 months ago. Your over thinking again.

Just ask her out on Monday. Do it.

Yeah that whole pathetic episode was what made me decide to change. It wasn't the first time in my history either. Main problem has been living life in my head. I lived on my own for a long time and I think that made me worse.

But I'm not that person anymore. I'm only interested in looking forward and outward now and am a lot happier for it.

At the start of the journey I listened to the audio book 'feel the fear and do it anyway' by Susan Jeffers.

The ipifany moment for me was when she says: 'what would your life be like if you truly believed you could handle anything life could throw at you'.

Have you read Eckhart Tolle - The power of Now.


This was part of the material I used to help me go through my changes. It was very good for me, some parts I didn't agree with but in many ways I could see a resemblance in myself to what he was saying.


Best thing for me was that I found out by practice, how to access my present state, or at least close to present state. Then nothing else mattered, I was living free from boundaries, limitations and the past.

When I get annoyed, frustrated or any negative thoughts I just close my eyes for a few seconds and when I open my eyes, it's like all those thoughts have been erased.



I'm still learning and practicing all of this, it will probably take a long time but definitely worth it. I feel and look so much more confident. A few days ago a group of 4 girls saw my from a good 50 metre's away and were literally staring at me all the way, when we were passing their eyes were wide open, smiling and no blinking; 8 eyes staring at me, I couldn't help but laugh.

I didn't approach because I'd set off late for the train so I was walking pritty fast. It did make me appreciate how far I'd come in my change, even after such a short time frame.