Anyway guys... getting back to the main topic of the thread; it gets worse and then it gets better.

Pretty shit start to the day: My scooter would not start because of the torrential rain and cold. As a result, I was unable to get to my private lesson, so I missed out on 45 Euros that I really needed.

Due to the crisis, work is fucking scarce now and I am flat broke to the point of not being able to pay my bills on time. Fortunately, we have re-scheduled for tomorrow.

I have been applying for English teaching jobs on Skype but because my computer has completely lost my profile and all my files I had to rewrite my CV. The computer froze up again and I had to turn it off, losing the CV I had just rewritten.

At this point, I just put my head in my arms and let out a huge sigh of anguish. Then the thought came to me that things could only possibly get better (although that's not strictly speaking true... they can always get even worse too).

I went out for a walk in the rain to clear my head.

I had not responded to "her" last message. At 16:30 she called me and invited me to her house. I was already out with my umbrella and not too far from hers, so I said, "Ok."

We sat down on her bed in her room and I told her that I was completely ashamed of my jealous behaviour... "urgh... I don't know what came over me," and that if I were her I would not want to see me again either.

She then told me that the reason she had sent me a message saying that I could not come to her house again was due to something I had done there. Apparently, I had got up during the night, drunken sleep walking, and mistakenly walked into her flatmate's room. At another point, I took a piss in a plant pot in the hallway.

Drinking to complete black out and acting like a right cunt has been a sticking point of mine on more than one occassion. Usually, I'm just good fun when I drink but from time to time it gets out of hand; I've offended mates and fucked it up with birds that were really into me. Anyway, I'll save those stories for the AA.

She starts telling me how it's all a bit much for her and I just nod, saying, "I understand. I would feel the same way if I were you, but you know I'm not normally like that. I think I must have had my period or something." She laughs, "It was me that had the period." I shrug, "Well, you remember I had a stomach ache that night (true)."

I just sit there with semi-closed body language and she starts to kino. I actually pull away from the kino about three times but she keeps pulling me back in and says, "But now I see you in front of me, I just feel drawn to you." Escalation... kiss... sex... followed by, "I just can't resist you, you feel so amazing," and all that pillow talk that women are so expert in and men fall for nearly every time. Probablly, a lot of the time they mean it, but then we fuck it up.

After, she asks me if I would like to taste her apple strudel. I say, "I thought I just did... give me another five minutes, at least." Laughter.

She has some work to do and then a dinner with work-mates. I'm totally cool about it and leave. On the way home, my phone rings with an offer of more work translating. When I get back, there is an email with another job opportunity.

I'm just gonna take a massive chill pill from now, concentrate on getting my life in order, and cut down on the drinking.

I have a saying - you see the real person come out when they are drunk, all the barriers go down

My ex i saw for 6 months was gorgeous, cheryll cole lookalike. We went to a family BBQ (hers) and she got wasted, she started shouting, hitting people and ended up sat in the middle of the road refusing to move.
Her days where numbered at that point with me-- i wont tolerate things like that and i dont think any decent person will.

Sort it out

I mean that in the best way

"A drunken person tells the truth," they say, but I think drunken people also say what they THINK is true at the time, but their judgement is impaired, so there is SOME truth mixed in with a lot of rubbish.

So even though the barriers are down, the true self is not a drunk. I like to think that something closer to my true self comes out when I am sobre and just totally relaxed.

Drinking definitely needs to be controlled though, you are right about that. If you don't control it, it controls you.

Funny thing is, she never thought I was acting needy, just dominant. I guess that's because we all study this stuff and know that excessive dominance is just neediness in disguise.

wow, damn that is somethin ive never thought about before

It's a state of mind. I'm not sure if levels of dominance can be a gauge for neediness. Trying to control her movements through jealousy, obviously falls into this catagory, that of dominance as a result of lack of trust.

Edit that Jaz, Midas is right and everyone agrees.

Ok, so now she is trying to play me. Yesterday I invited her for dinner and some more strudel (our metaphor for sex) and she replied thus, " i'm afraid there won't be any strudel left tonight but we can have the cream anyways.. do u want to save it for tomo night cause i don't have time tonight. I'm sorry, see you u soon darling. X"

Today she texted me, "Hey danny, how are u doing? I'm not sure when i'll be free tonight, cause giuseppe (gay flatmate) has invited some friends and i promised i'd be there and help him prepare dinner and then there's a party at amelie's too. So i don't know..anyways i'll call u when i'm free if u dont have any other plans. see u soon! x"

I have not responded to this message and have also temporarily suspended my facebook account. I am also going to delete her number from my phone. If she wants to see me she will have to work hard and even then I'm not sure if I can be fucked.

I'll admit, I'm gutted, but the Midas can only tolerate so much before he moves the fuck on! I'm not for giving my power away.

Pal, just read this

I know what you are feeling, BLOW THIS FUCKING BITCH OUT THE WATER YOU MOTHER FUCKER.

WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS---

YOU ARE THE MAN DONT EVER FORGET THAT-- she is WELL below YOU

She is over-- fuck her off

Just txt her back:
Enjoy the rest of your life xx

Get onto some mates and get out tonight, only have a couple (COUPLE) of drinks and start chatting some birds up

dont reply to anything else

fuck her friends.