Fresh Start

This will be my new Journal thread I'll use to log my progress from now on.

I had a bumpy week with a couple of bouts of low mood. but I woke this morning feeling positive and wanting to make a fresh start.

I had some clear thoughts about what I've achieved so far, what I want and what I need to do. I'll try to express these in as few words as possible in a later post.

After not being able to approach at all last night I went down town today expecting to do nothing other than go there and come back.

But as it turned out I had several good interactions with women while going about my business and felt good about myself. I was relaxed and confident, opened easily and the women seemed comfortable with it.

I can see the next step, e.g. asking for a number, would not have been difficult at all.

So last night was just an off night..it happens. I'm back in the saddle!

With a bit of work on themselves the majority of guys can get to being above average in their appearance and how they present themselves to people in general.

Assuming there's no underlying serious psychological issues, the only real things standing in the way of eventually getting laid is approach anxiety / social anxiety.

Anxiety is manageable if approaching becomes part of who you are (being, not doing). It's then a numbers game to meet the women who are interested and sexually available and closing.

I know my best interactions so far have come from brief eye contact followed by immediately approaching and opening. I've had very few rejections or bad reactions when I've done this.

In these interactions I never thought in advance what I was going to say. That only puts me in my head and invites anxiety to start up. Then I usually either won't approach or I'll approach but won't be fully present. If I don't approach for whatever reason or approach not present and it doesn't go well I need to immediately forget about it so that I'm ready for the next one. Dwelling on not approaching or on the last interaction only puts me in my head.

I've read a lot of theory but I know from my in-field experience so far that I am seeking confirmation / validation. I'm coming very much from a scarcity mindset. I'm outcome attached and insecure. I'm a bit desperate.

But what I've realised is this is normal for where I am at the moment and IT IS OKAY TO BE THIS WAY. Trying to psyche those feelings away DOES NOT WORK.

In fact it works against me, as it puts me in my head and reduces my chances of getting results. So it creates a self fulfilling prophesy.

I accept where I am at the moment and believe that it will change. It will change in it's own time and in it's own way through regular exposure to interacting with women. In the meantime I do not try to jump too far ahead. I stay focussed on the process.

Saturday night 1 Feb

I felt dog tired last night but forced myself to go out.

Watched a live band playing in a bar. Two girls came in and were standing near me. I didn't open because they didn't make eye contact. Soon a guy who was pretty drunk was hitting on them. They weren't receptive. After the band finished they went over to talk to one of the band members who they seemed to know.

When me and my mates left, a woman, who had been dancing in front of the band, was outside. I guessed she was waiting on someone. I left my mates and went over to chat to her. We had a good convo.

The guy she had been waiting on came out and they headed off in the opposite direction to where I was going. As they were walking away she turned and called out after me "hey what's your name?". I shouted it back and she told me hers, then she said "it was nice meeting you!".

Next bar was busy, dj and good music. I was just enjoying the music and dancing to myself, chatting to guys I know in there and feeling pretty good.

On the way to the toilets I held the door open for a girl coming out who was really 'wow!' hot. She said thanks. I couldn't take my eyes of her cleavage but I just sort of grunted something and didn't try to engage her.

I enjoyed the night. If I hadn't had that one good interaction with the IoI's at the end maybe I wouldn't have. It was far better than nothing at all. And generally it was chilled and a fun night.

And I kept my drinking under control, which is a main thing I've been wanting to address.

It's good you had a good night, but are you using the fact they didn't make eye contact an excuse not to say hi?

Maybe keep your eyes off the cleavage and say hi?

I find it difficult to say hi to someone who's not looking at me. I did turn to face them but I could probably have made it more obvious or just said hi to get their attention.

I was more disappointed in not saying hi to the stunner. I lost my voice there. Probably looking her in the eyes would have helped haha.

Met a female co-worker I know in the lift this morning at work. Hadn't seen her around for a while so just said hi and a few words exchanged before she got out at her floor.

In the afternoon she got in the lift I was in again and when she sees me she says "it's fate...we're destined to be together!". The funny thing is there was about 5 other people in the lift we didn't know who heard this. They all started cooing and my co-workers face then turned bright red.

I laughed and said "now that's how rumours start" and everyone laughed. She then tried to explain to these people that we'd met in the lift this morning...digging the hole even deeper. I don't really fancy this girl though she's got a fit ass. I think she's single, maybe it was a Freudian slip.

Friday night 7 Feb

Went out for beer at local. The thai bird who I'm really keen on was there when I walked in. It caught me out cause there was eye contact as I walked (I don't walk now I swagger haha) up to her but then she approached me first by hitting me on the arm and saying "You alright?". I wasn't expecting that but I just responded with "yeah I'm alright" a bit too timid I thought but I think it's okay to be less reactive than her in that situation. Then she darted off to get on with her work.

She likes me. I like her. She seems to be chasing. I'm getting a bf-gf feeling between us but I've not got her number or asked her out yet. I really need to make a move soon on this. Her approaching me is quite obvious. If I don't do something soon she'll assume I'm not interested. But I don't want to mess up her chasing me. From what I know that is a very good situation. I think she's gorgeous. It seems crazy that I want to take her on a date but can't find the courage to ask her. I suppose that's why I am where I am.

I need to just take a deep breath and ask her.

Later on in the night as we went around the usual haunts I chatted to some other girls. One girl, who was with her boyfriend is probably the most beautiful girl I've ever spoken to. I introduced myself and shook hands. But she held on. She had the most soft, warm and delicate hand I've ever held. We talked a lot and hugged at the end.

Even though I hardly approached it was quite an emotional night for me. Maybe I'm giving out heavier signals to women now and they are responding to that. But I do need to start following through.

I only did one proper cold approach last night. Two girls sitting at a table away in the corner of the bar (one 7 and the other an 8). I got eye contact from both of them as I came in from the smoking area and told my wing I was going over and he should follow.

I opened, they were receptive, so grabbed a chair and sat down. My mate had to wander around the bar to find a chair for himself which kind of broke the rapport a bit but we ploughed on. We couldn't hear cause the music was loud at this part of the bar so we all headed out to the smoking area.

The convo didn't feel comfortable and it dried up a bit. We went back in then they went 'to the toilet'.

We saw them later on sitting in the middle of a bunch of guys getting hit on from all angles. I realised I could have spoken to them earlier in the night. I had a chance when they were stood next to me at the bar and one of them gave me a few looks but I didn't open.

thing to note: If I open earlier, even just say hi, it would help get me out of my head without needing 4 pints first to loosen up.

Get a move on and ask her then! Sounds like you've already dallied about enough!

Saturday night 8 Feb

Headed down town expecting boredom but it was eventful.

Went to see a band playing in a pub that were really good...old rocker guys and they rocked the place. I got into the music and had some banter with guys I'd never talked to before in there. I got slagged about Scotland being beat by England at rugby but I rolled well with that banter. Once I had weathered the storm of the teasing they accepted me and we connected well.

There were very few available women but I chatted to women who weren't free anyway because I thought they looked friendly. AA was minimal... just a murmur in the background.

I opened a blonde chick who was standing nearby. She was a bit surprised that I approached her and her eyes went really wide. My usual opener "Hi my name is serendipity, what's your name? are you having a good night?". I kept strong eye contact and all I was thinking was "you've pulled I want to fuck you." I don't think she was very into me but she didn't leave and held eye contact most of the time. It could have gone somewhere. But her friend then dragged her away somewhere else. I should have at least tried for the number.

A girl came around selling these glow stick bracelet things for charity. I gave a donation and got one from her. She was cute so I chatted her. I was kidding her on that they were actually a new kind of shot drink. I said "what do I do with this, take the end off and drink it?", she was like "nooo haha".

At the next bar I chatted up a few women. I opened two blondes who were slamming shots together at the bar with the line "you can tell a lot about someone by what they drink". One had great legs, the other was ok too. The more sober one of the duo gave me mega eye contact (it was like "yes I'd fuck you if I didn't have my drunk mate to look after"). but her mate with her was hammered and fell over outside the bar. So the poor girl had to try to get her in a taxi.

So you can tell a lot by what they drink! I was scanning the bar for any other approachable girls but there wasn't much going on by then.

My wing appeared then headed off to clubs but I didn't feel in the mood or up to it. I knew it would end up a very late 5am+ messy night and I didn't want that tonight. But I wished him best of luck anyway. I'm trying to be a bit more sensible these days.

At the end of the night there was a fight outside. I saw it from inside the bar through the windows, like watching a silent movie. Looked pretty bad actually. A guy came in to wash blood off his face a bit later. No idea what all that was about.

99% of the people I met tonight were great. I just like meeting people and enjoying myself. Having good interactions with women is just an extension of a great night. That's the way I'm looking at this now. If it ends in sex great.


Positives / points to note from tonight

Enjoyed myself. Started off subdued but as the night went on got more and more social and chatty with people, both male and female. Opening girls became just normal which is great.

It's annoying when there's two girls and one of them fancies you but the other pulls her away. This seems to happen all the time.

But I also saw that if you open and she doesn't walk or look away you have a chance. Just keep talking, say anything. Because she doesn't do cartwheels because you've spoken to her doesn't mean you have no chance. It's just she's not sure yet.

If it's a block / drag away job I must try to get the number.

This process has made me realise most of the problems I thought I had boil down to one real thing...AA. When you do something you fear many of the problems you had attached to it in your mind just disappear.