Hmmm. I don't think you have to worry necessarily about opening direct as such. I think the key here is showing your intent as early as possible in the interaction, and this can be done in the interactions you mentioned. It's intent versus indirect (hiding your intentions).

This sounds interesting! Get out there man.

I agree with K! Like I say:

Don't go back, just hit the sack.

Actually I never say that... But I never go backwards either. There's roughly 3.8 billion women out there... and they all need a C.O. servicing! You better get started mate cos you have a fair few to go before you get anywhere near that number... just leave some for us, okay?

Its time for me to re-enter the world of pick up - or at least, puaforum (the world of pick up is a frustrating place, mainly populated by wankers more interested in making cash out of other guy's frustrations than anything else. But this forum is simply a community of cool people interested in self improvement.) For the last four weeks, game has been sporadic and, at times, simply non existent. But I now have the time to be able to at least try and do this properly. So hopefully, I'll be posting a little more often again (que collective groan).

A quick FR from last night. We had a celebration bash. I wasn't intent on gaming for several reasons. The bar was free, and I quickly made the most of that, getting myself very drunk from 4pm onwards. So game wasn't really on the cards...

Until a girlfriend I know turned turned up. She is a nice girl, only 19, who I had a thing with a few years back. We got to talking last night. And as we did, I decided I wanted to kiss her. She currently has a boyfriend, but this didn't really bother me. I haven't a clue what I was saying, and I don't really think it matters.

What mattered was how, when I decided I wanted to kiss her, I immediately turned on kino. And as I did, the whole dynamic changed. You could feel it, you just knew something was different. Some sixth sense said to both of us: 'This is no longer just a friendly conversation.'

I didn't waste any time, and a few minutes later I had pulled her in close. And I leaned in, and we kissed. Simple, straight forward, easy. I didn't have to fuck around with clever lines or even 'statements plus open questions' or anything like that. I was successful simply because I physically led. I led kino, changed the boundaries and the mood of the conversation, and she flowed with it.

And it further worked because of something else I tried. I remember a few weeks back reading Kowalski saying that when he speaks to a girl, he's already imagining getting it on with her. As I spoke to Anna last night - right before I went kino - I just thought of having her back in my bedroom, and what I'd like to do with her. Perhaps its hormonal or psychological or something, but this made me immediately feel more sexual, which led me to make the interaction more sexual. I didn't need to think. I just did.

She isn't an approach of course - we've been friends for a few years. But I was very interested in how visualising myself getting it on with her led so fluently into me initiating kino.

Anyway, hopefully over the next few weeks there will be more to write about. I'm resting up this weekend. 7 days straight of 15 hour leafletting / door knocking stints will do that to you (but we bloody won, so it was worthwhile!). And I might reflect a little and set myself some goals and priorities. But last night was fun - and not a little interesting to boot.

Oh, and Ps, my ex hasn't replied to my message suggesting we meet for a coffee. So... fuck her! Her loss.

Hey y'all. Just to let you know I'm still here, but currently not finding time to post much at all. I was under the impression that by now I'd have all the time in the world, but in fact the reality has gone the other way, and I find myself busier than ever. I've started a new job, which saps both time and energy. And just for a couple of weeks, I've withdrawn Pick Up from being a major focus of my life whilst I get the rest of my house in order.

However, I am not going to make excuses for a prolonged period of time. Right now, nothing is settled, and whilst that is true I need to step back and allow the waves the steady. This has resulted in literally no game for the last few weeks. Even on nights out, my focus at the end of a long week hasn't been to meet girls, but simply to get very drunk with my friends.

In a way, I feel I owe this to them as well - my friends and I are all coming to the end of our Uni courses, and within four weeks the friends I've spent the last four years living and breathing with will disperse for good. I sort of feel like I need to just enjoy these last few weeks with my mates, and not giving a shit about girls.

But rest assured, I haven't gone away, and I won't ever give up. I've come a long way in the four months I've been posting here, and I've done things I never thought I'd be able to do.

When you enter the world of pick up, you embark on a journey which is going to push and pull you in every direction. You have to confront some aspects of yourself which you're not going to like. You have to admit they need work, and you need to be proactive in dealing with them. I've done that for the last five months. The results have at once stunned, shocked, thrilled and exhausted me - and there is still plenty more to do!

But I'm not in a place right now where I want to do it. Just for a few weeks. I want to see out my time with my friends, and I want my job to settle down into some sort of rhythm where it is at least roughly predictable from one day to the next. From there, I will once again drive myself forwards. Watch this space...

As a footnote, I met up with my ex-girlfriend last weekend for a chat - the first time we've spoken properly in the 9 months since we split up. We sat in the sun in the park, and ate ice creams, and didn't say a word about 'us' for the whole three hours we managed to spend together. It turns out she is also single right now. She's great, and I love her deeply. But I know there is no future for us. Every bone in my body shouts at me to just call her and suggest we go out this weekend. But I know it'd be absurd. Our lives have taken off in different directions now, and within a month, like my friends, she'll also be leaving Liverpool forever. I'm so glad I met up with her - she's a beautiful person, and I like it that she's in my life again.

But, there are another 2,999,999,999 girls out there. The odds that, in her, I stumbled across the best girl in the whole wide world whilst drunk at a friends house party are therefore pretty long. In fact, I guess, they're 3billion/1.

I'm not saying she and I will never get back together. I just want to check the other 2,999,999,999 girls first, so I know I'm not missing out on anything really great...

Give me just a little time fellers. I'll be back out soon, and posting regularly even sooner......

Good luck fella, but don't stay away too long, your FRs are one of the highlights of the boards.

I've been very quiet for a little while now. Since the beginning of April, I've stepped back from everything for a few months. I've not been out 'sarging' in that time as work has taken over. But even since then, I've stepped back for reasons other than work. And on reflection, I think that despite some success with the few months I've been gameing, there was always something I found deeply uncomfortable with the whole concept of considering myself a 'pick up artist', or honestly even about reading through different methodologies and concepts to do with approaching women.

Something about it - something - just didn't feel right.

At the same time, as I backed off from the game, I realised that other things hadn't changed. I was back in my old modes of going out, getting trashed, and yes having a good time with friends, but not actually talking to any of the hundreds of girls I'd see walking around and like the look of. I did enjoy these weeks, don't get me wrong. They were the final weeks living with my friends from University, the end of four years of living with some really amazing people. I wanted to enjoy them. And I did (or I think I did - much of it remains a blur!).

I've since moved out of my shit student house. And this weekend, I moved into my new apartment. Its at the other end of the scale to where I was before - in the city centre with a stunning view, brand new apartment. So, living in the city, it seemed daft not to go out on Saturday night. I contacted two 'PUA' friends, and we met up for a few pints.

My first sarge in months...

I'll admit, I struggled. All night, I opened just one set. Before then, I bottled a few more. One was in Peacocks. I was at the bar waiting to be served, and a two set wandered up next to me. Four months ago, this would have been straight forward - I'd have just talked to them. But now? I just froze. I turned to them, and took a deep breath in... But nothing came out. I just stood there. Then I got my drink. And then I turned away, and left them to it.

We headed outside where it was quiet. As we did, I was absolutely kicking myself. I knew it was so much easier than that. I knew all I had to do was open one set, and I'd be happy for the night. I knew this because I've done it before, and I've succeeded before. I ended up getting talking to some blokes nearby, asking them the football score. I figured if I couldn't talk to guys, I'd never talk to girls. At least I'd managed that much.

We left Peacock and headed to Heebie Jeebies. We went out into the court yard. Both of my wings opened sets each. I knew it was my turn. I turned to my right and spotted a two set, a gorgeous dark haired girl, and a decent looking blonde. I told myself 'Well, you're going to do this. So just get on with it'. My feet started moving towards them, and I was locked in. This felt familiar. I was committed now, walking towards them. To turn away would have been nothing short of unforgivable.

I walked up to the blonde, smiled, took a deep breath, and asked her: "Excuse me, I need you to help me settle an argument we're having. Custard, right. Do you have it hot or cold?"

For fuck sake - that fucking opener! It was alright, the point was to open a set. But fucking hell...

We chatted for 10 minutes, and my wings came in and helped. I did isolate with the blonde (the brunette, who said she was 29 but didn't look a day over 21, was married), and tried to go kino. But it wasn't great. And I just couldn't stop talking about fucking custard.

Finally, we ejected. And that was it for the night. One of my wings had to head off shortly after, and I stayed out with the other getting very very drunk, but not approaching anymore. We'd not seen each other for a while, and it was good to catch up.

The set itself went abysmally badly. But, the important thing was very simple: I'd gone out to town, and I'd approached. In that moment, I had infinitely more success than I've had in the last three months, when I've not been approaching. I'm glad I've finally taken responsibility for this part of my life again.

So, I'm left with a number of observations and reflections, all of which are going to inform my re-entry into the werid world of pick up. They are as follows:

1. Fuck the theory. Fuck the books. Fuck the strategies and the routines and everything else that fills the pages of the endless e-books written by egotistical morons who, not content with mastering the female species (those of them that have), have decided to try and master the male species as well.
2. In sum, fuck being a pick up artist.
3. Fuck not drinking when I'm 'sarging'. I like having a drink, I like relaxing. Ok, so I'm incoherent after a few hours. I'll approach like nuts for the first few hours, and then jump around like a lunatic for the last few hours.
4. Fuck 'sarging' as well for that matter. I'm just going out with friends, with the intention being to approach any girls I see that I like. That's not 'sarging', it doesn't need a special name, it doesn't need jargon attaching to it. That's simply 'going out'. I don't want to sometimes be in 'sarge' mode and sometimes be in 'non-sarge' mode. I just want to be able to speak to girls whenever the fancy takes me.

And finally, with regards to approaches. I want to experiement, and I want to try and go as natural as possible. I want to go and introduce myself, and just talk about whatever. Custard served its purpose on Saturday - it gave me something to say when I needed something to say. Fine. But I've got angry with it before, and I don't want to have to get angry with it again.

Custard is a dead end street. I should get that tattoo'd somewhere.

But more than anything - and more positively - I want to get out again. I want to go out regularly, and when I'm out, I want to talk to more girls. Enough of this 'good things come to those who wait' bollocks - good things don't come to those who wait! Good things come to those who get off their arses, who take responsibility for their lives, who say to themselves 'thats what I want for myself, so I'm going to fucking go and get it'.

You see, I'm really, really good at doing that. I've got a great and well paying job right now because I've taken action, and gone and got it. I've got a great flat because I've taken action and gone out and got it. I've always succeeded when I've taken control, taken responsibility, and taken it upon myself to achieve my aims.

I've had a few months away, during which time I've realised a few things about this whole thing.

Now I'm back. And I'm not in any mood to stand still for long!

Now, where were we...

Finally, after a few months away, tonight I found myself back out in town with my overarching goal being to speak to women. After a few months where I have variously been snowed under in work, or lacking the time or motivation to go out, or in Africa, tonight I re-entered the strange world of pick up. The results weren't spectacular, and I've had much better nights in the past. But I did what I wanted to do, and from here, the only way is up.

My goal tonight was straight forward and it was simple: I wanted to open a small handful of sets. I wasn't focussed on closing. That wasn't the priority tonight. Rather, I simply wanted to get back out, and begin to open sets again. I managed that at least. Once or twice I surprised myself, and did things I didn't expect to do. Once or twice (and probably more) I frustrated myself, and remembered the same issues, the same problems I had the last time I did this. But regardless, tonight, I achieved my initial goal: to open sets, and to stop sitting in my fucking bedroom, using internet dating as a substitute for going out and speaking to real people.

We met up in Hannah's Bar relatively early, around 9pm. There were three of us: Myself, Chris (who's pseudonym I've long since forgotten), and on his debut in the field, Perfecto. For their part, the other lads had a good night. Chris again showed his outstanding ability to open and then stay in sets. Perfecto, on his first night, made opening his first set look easy. You're just like the rest of us mate - you've already got all the tools you need. You just need to work out how to use them.

We had a chat in Hannah's Bar whilst drying out from the pissing rain outside (take me back to Africa!). Then it was out onto the street, and off towards the centre of town. As we walked down Hardman Street, I spied a two set coming the other way. I moved so I was walking towards them. And as we passed, I opened: 'Girls, where are we going tonight? Because everywhere is dead and we need somewhere to have a laugh'.

It was only a short set. The girls said they were going to Bar Samui - a place I wouldn't touch with a shitty stick. 10 seconds of banter later, I ejected and headed on with the lads into town. I probably could have stayed in set, but I wanted to get moving and get out of the pissing bloody rain. And in any case, as we walked on, I could feel my pulse rising: I'd opened a set, I'd spoken to some girls, and I'd got that flicker of adrenaline that I remember getting so often. It was great.

We moved around a few bars, trying to find somewhere with sets to open. I swear to God, there isn't a bar in the world with an equal number of guys to girls. They reckon on planet earth there are 54% girls to 46% women. So where the fuck are they all?! Every bar seems to be a complete cock fest at the moment, and it makes life fucking difficult.

Next, we tried Peacocks - a cross between a pub and a bar, which I am growing increasingly fond of. It was a little better in there. Chris opened a set, and did very well. Perfecto also opened his first set in here, approaching a two set like he'd been doing it for years.

For my part, at one point a two set of girls stood close by. I knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't approach them. So, I turned, and said the first thing that came into my head:

Girls, a quick female opinion - do you prefer custard hot or cold?

For fuck sake...

One said hot, one said cold, I joked with them about it, etc. But its all been done before, that whole custard thing (see pp. 1-13 of this thread). I did exactly the same thing in Heebie Jeebies half an hour later. As we were moving around the bar I spied a two set, and went in once more with the custard opener. They laughed and giggled, and I had a quick joke with them before ejecting again.

But on the whole, I was angry with myself. The custard opener has become such a ridiculous comfort zone for me, I actually need to ban myself from using it. When I approach girls, there are billions upon billions of things I could possibly say to them. Yet, either through lack of imagination or through preference for a comfort zone - which in and of itself is never a good thing to rely upon - I continually ask girls about their preferred temperature for serving custard.

For fuck sake...

I said earlier that I surprised myself tonight. And that came when I pushed for a number close. We were in La'Go, which was dead (no students at the moment, so a lot of places are quiet). Chris opened a three set, and I dutifully winged in followed by Perfecto. Chris was working on a really delightful girl called Lucy, who's breasts were so perfectly round I didn't know whether to stand and stare at them or try and play keepie uppie with them.

In the event I did neither - her blonde friend was also very pretty, and we got to talking. It turned out she had recently graduated on a chef's course, specialising in pastries. I took the chance to tell her about a remarkably delicious pork and apple pastie that I ate on my lunch hour today. She told me she could make them better than the Cornish Pasty Bakery, and so I challenged her to attempt to do so.

Conversation moved on. It transpired that the girl with the football tits already had a feller, so Chris indicated he was ready to leave it behind. But I wasn't quite done with my pastie girl. So, as we said we'd leave, I showed her my phone: 'Put your number in there. I want you to keep your promise about this pasty', I said.

Her response wasn't great. At first it was 'Uh, I don't know what my number is', and then she got out her phone and showed me the games she had on it, before putting her phone away and changing the subject completely. I rather sheepishly put my own phone back in my pocket, muttering something about 'maybe not'. We ejected and left them too it.

I'm not sure why she didn't want to give me her number. I imagine it was because she already has a bloke of some description, although she might have just thought I was a complete wanker. But it didn't matter to me, really. The fact was, I'd pushed for a number close with a really very pretty blonde girl. The fact that I didn't get it was a moot point. There will be other girls in the future, there will be other attempts at number closes. At least I was minded to go for a number. That, at the very least, was a small success.

We headed back up towards Hannah's bar, to see if it had livened up there yet. As we did, two girls called out to us from behind - a blonde irish girl, and a dark haired girl with a thick Yorkshire accent. They asked where we were going, and it turned out we were at least walking the same way, although headed to different bars. We walked with them for 30 seconds, and I got chatting to the blonde. And this is where it struck me: I'm such a twat with women. As we talked, I took the piss out of her, insulted her in a way I thought was funny but she probably thought was... Well, insulting! And generally, she quickly cooled towards me. It makes me wonder, why the hell do I take the piss out of girls so fucking quickly? I often find it in sets, that I'll say something I think is tongue in cheek and piss taking, but the girl just takes offence to it. At bottom, sometimes I don't half act like a twat around women.

The bit that worries me is that that just isn't me. I'm actually a genuinely nice person. I don't fall out with people easily, I broadly get on well with 95% of the people I meet. Yet my interactions with girls quickly become bouts of piss taking, where I do my best to appear funny and rakish by gently insulting them.

This has to change. Later on in the evening, having realised the error I was making and getting frankly angry at myself for making it, I decided to not fucking bother trying to game when talking to girls. I decided to just be myself, to try and just be A Nice Person. I decided to simply not give a fuck if I came across as boring or dull or whatever else, and to just hold normal conversations with girls where I found out about them.

When I did this, the results were much better. Chris had left by now, but Perfecto and I stayed out for a few extra, going for a dance in The Raz. We got talking to two girls. Hardly stunning girls, but it was so nice just having a chat to them whilst letting myself just be myself. I wasn't trying too hard to be funny or take the piss or anything. I just chatted away merrily, as I would with any of my friends.

I didn't close the girl. But we had a dance, and we had a laugh. It felt good to actually make friends with her, as opposed to forever being on my toes ready to take the piss at the first opportunity. This is something to remember in future.

Conclusions

It was great to be back out in town, approaching girls left, right and centre. Ok, so I didn't close. But my goals tonight were simply to open. I did that, and I remembered how easy it is to do that.

However, there are two action points I want to take forward next time I'm out in the field:

1. The custard opener is hereby banned. I have had my last custard based conversation.
2. From now on, I am going to try my hardest to rewire myself to be just A Nice Bloke, as opposed to a cock who takes the piss out of every girl I meet.

I'm not saying resolving those issues will make me great with women. They are merely the first two steps back on the road to being where I want to be in terms of the opposite sex.

But the big plus from tonight, for me, was just being back out there. It felt great to approach again. That buzz you get right before you do it, the shot of adrenaline, that feeling of amazement when they actually hook and talk back to you. In time, I'll close. If I am persistent enough.

But for now, for tonight, I did what I wanted to do: I got out there, and I spoke to some women. They are the foundations of learning how to meet women.

After a few months away, for all that has happened in between, its good to be back!

Man I have so much to write about your post but as I've just moved I haven't got broadband yet so writing this on a iPhone! So I'll keep it brief!

The point you made about 'where are the all the women gone' is a common PU mentally that needs to be broken early. I remember saying something similar to Ali months back. He rightly told me 'well... You only need one to talk to!' (wise words). Do you ever look at clubs and go 'nah... Not enough girls... And no not that one either. No enough clunge.'. If so stop; make the girls come to you! Go to a club you enjoy. Have a laugh. Guarenteed they'll be girls there that will gravitate to you just because you're having fun.

I think personally that you should make a promise to yourself not to eject. Just keep going. Most people think 'right my 10 secs with this girls has been pretty good. Let's get outta here before I start feeling awkward' - don't do it! Stay, and learn to get through it. There'll be mistakes, they'll be a lot of 'my friend needs the toliet' but funk it! Don't bail until your back is on fire!

Good work getting back in to this! Would be cool to catch up so time! Been a looooong time since that trip to Manchester!

Hey Mate...

You did well last night, you put yourself out there and that’s all that matter's right.
With regards to your custard opener, that’s a great fucking opener man, you just need to know where you’re going from there.
Last night overall i think went quite well, you just need to look at your game now and think" What do i have to do to take it to the next step " and remember mate the difference in this game between the winners and the loser's is the winners failed more, and learned from them experience’s..

Game on !!!

Take it easy mate

Chris...

Thanks for inviting me out last night guys. I was very nervous at the start and drank way too much to compensate but I opened my first set which I'm pretty pleased with today I've taken my first steps....