HBs going flaky over text after I met/slept with them???

[thinkingman]

Hey guys, been reading the forums for a while now. Plenty of good stuff on here, so keep it up!

I keep running into a problem where most times I get with a hot girl, ie. above HB7, they're pretty flaky texting. Even HB7s I find flaky-ish, but not as bad.

For example, recently I travelled to a nearby city (about 100 miles away), and went out to a bar. There wasn't much happening in the bar. Not many hot girls about. Not even many guys. I met this girl (HB8) in the bar. We danced and talked a bit. She went with me and her friends to another bar, then we ditched her friends, and went back to my hotel.

We had sex as soon as we got to the room, no LMR or anything like that. We went to sleep and had sex again twice in the morning. She was pretty open minded and I was able to do some pretty rough stuff to her, which we both seemed to enjoy, tho I had a fair amount of drink in me so I wasn't at 100%!

Then we had breakfast and chatted a bit. Conversationally, I wasn't quite at my best, but we had a few things in common and had an interesting talk. Then we exchanged numbers and headed home.

I sent her this text when we exchanged numbers:

ME: Yo

She didn't have her main phone so didn't get it right then.

She texted back a few hours later:

HER: Hey!
ME: So you rescued the iPhone then ; ) how was your lunch?
HER: Yep I did indeed haha
HER: Lovely thanks
HER: You get back ok?
ME: Yeah I did, got the bus shortly after you left... Doing anything nice this coming week?

No reply.

I texted her again a few days later:

ME: Ello ello, how goes it? I wish it was Friday goddammit... Time to rob a bank and escape to a tropical island ; )
HER: Oh hello there! Apologies for the late response! I've finished for the week lucky me hehe
HER: How are you?
ME: Damn you and your day off haha ; ) I'm awesome sauce thanks : ) just a very busy day... Long weekend on a tropical island then? Haha ; )
HER: I wish! Really happy today though, I got offered a job : ) woohoo
ME: Awesome, well done : ) what kind of job?
HER: Makeup artist, at XXXXX
HER: Part time
HER: If I can make it work, I'd do both jobs
ME: Nice one, you can do my makeup when I'm traveling to XXXXX ; ) at least it's near XXXXX, so you might
HER: Haha why not : )
ME: I'd look great traveling with make up ; ) lipstick too ; )

No reply.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on in her head, I've had too many similar experiences.

I'm thinking possible reasons:
- the distance - maybe she doesn't see me as worth pursuing because I'm too far away?
- not enough attraction - well she was attracted enough to sleep with me, tho there weren't many other options that night if sex was what she wanted
- buyers remorse - she didn't seem the type, absolutely no hangups or LMR
- not enough rapport/comfort - could be this, although we had stuff in common I wasn't on my conversational A-game for things to really light up
- bad sex - probably wasn't amazing because of the drink haha, but I did stuff to her that I'd imagine most guys wouldn't do on a first night, she was making noises like she liked it, and I made her come hard when I fingered her
- too busy?
- maybe she just doesn't text a lot? Is this something all guys have to put up with and I just have to keep pushing?

Any ideas what's going on inside her head?

Any ideas what I should do next in this case?
- Should I leave it a few days and text her again, keep initiating every so often, and hope she warms up?
- Should I leave it and see if she texts me first?

Also, as I said, stuff like this happens to me a lot, so if you have any idea why in general, I'd love to know!

[NoobToGame25]

u suck in bed

[Stein]

What are you actually trying to do here? In like a practical sense, where are you going with these texts? I mean this is some girl you pulled from a bar, and she lives 100 miles away from you. There's a fair few practical limits on that scenario.

I don't know how well you're doing in terms of game, but if you're not where you'd want to be yet, it's probably useful to look at this from the perspective of if you were. If you were seeing a bunch of girls or pulling regularly and had a ton of options, would you be bothering as much with this? I mean in this scenario I might hit the girl up next time I'm in town, but I wouldn't be trying to make a thing out of it. Bear in mind she knows the deal too, and given that she slept with you she probs thinks you're a dude with his shit reasonably together, so that's probs what she's expecting.

So like when you say:

Originally Posted by thinkingman

HER: Hey!
ME: So you rescued the iPhone then ; ) how was your lunch?
HER: Yep I did indeed haha
HER: Lovely thanks
HER: You get back ok?
ME: Yeah I did, got the bus shortly after you left... Doing anything nice this coming week?

Where are you going with that small talk at the end? It's not like you're going to see this chick all the time, and jumping into small talk like that just feels needy. If you'd just gone 'this was cool, catch you next time I'm in town?' and left it at that you could hit her up next time you're around.

Also, quit trying to be cute. By which I mean:

Originally Posted by thinkingman

ME: Ello ello, how goes it?
...
I'm awesome sauce
...
ME: I'd look great traveling with make up ; ) lipstick too ; )

It's too much man. It's not quirky or entertaining, I comes across as trying to be quirky and entertaining. Again, if you genuinely felt like you were enough and that you were good with it regardless of how it goes you wouldn't be doing that. Shit like this backfires because it connotes the converse; I feel the need to try and be entertaining to be able to talk to you. She might not have explicitly seen it as that, but her brain did.

Again it's compounded by the fact that it's not even clear what you're driving at or why you're texting her. The irony is for all the effort you're putting in to try and be interesting, a simple 'Hey, how you doing?' 'I'm gonna be back in town this weekend, what you up to Saturday night?' would probably work way better.

[thinkingman]

Thanks for the info - this is useful!

Originally Posted by Stein

Also, quit trying to be cute. By which I mean:

It's too much man. It's not quirky or entertaining, I comes across as trying to be quirky and entertaining. Again, if you genuinely felt like you were enough and that you were good with it regardless of how it goes you wouldn't be doing that. Shit like this backfires because it connotes the converse; I feel the need to try and be entertaining to be able to talk to you. She might not have explicitly seen it as that, but her brain did.

Again it's compounded by the fact that it's not even clear what you're driving at or why you're texting her. The irony is for all the effort you're putting in to try and be interesting, a simple 'Hey, how you doing?' 'I'm gonna be back in town this weekend, what you up to Saturday night?' would probably work way better.

That's my personality. But yeah I probably didn't come across that way when I spent time with her because I was tired and slightly hung over, so when I was texting as my normal self again (with a bit of overcompensation thrown in) and it probably seemed weird to her.

Originally Posted by Stein

What are you actually trying to do here? In like a practical sense, where are you going with these texts? I mean this is some girl you pulled from a bar, and she lives 100 miles away from you. There's a fair few practical limits on that scenario.

...

Where are you going with that small talk at the end? It's not like you're going to see this chick all the time, and jumping into small talk like that just feels needy. If you'd just gone 'this was cool, catch you next time I'm in town?' and left it at that you could hit her up next time you're around.

You're right, I've been taking pretty much the same approach to following up on girls no matter what the scenario without thinking how it comes across to her.

But there have been girls in the past where, for example, I have met them in a neighbouring city, similar to this case, and I followed up with my standard approach, and it worked. There have been girls from nearby where I did the same thing with the small talk, and they also stopped replying.

How do you know what to do for each girl? What if she's expecting you to follow up with small talk and you don't and she gets fed up and forgets about you?

I find it extremely difficult to know what to do, and I get it wrong a lot. Girls are so unpredictable, you don't know what the right approach for each girl is. And before you know it, you're blowing thru lots and lots of girls failing with most of them, and not having a clue what's going on, not having a clue where you're going wrong, and ultimately not really learning anything... just fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed, fail, fail... seemingly randomly. How do you start to make sense of it all?

[Stein]

Originally Posted by thinkingman

You're right, I've been taking pretty much the same approach to following up on girls no matter what the scenario without thinking how it comes across to her.

But there have been girls in the past where, for example, I have met them in a neighbouring city, similar to this case, and I followed up with my standard approach, and it worked. There have been girls from nearby where I did the same thing with the small talk, and they also stopped replying.

How do you know what to do for each girl? What if she's expecting you to follow up with small talk and you don't and she gets fed up and forgets about you?

You're missing the point. I'm not saying you have to change you're approach to fit the sensibilities of every girl you chat to. Don't do that.

I'm saying it's as simple as this. If I was this girl and you texted me the stuff above, I would have no idea where you were going with it or what you actually wanted. At no point do you straight up say 'let's meet up again next time I'm in town'. You might think that's implicitly obvious but it's not. She isn't a mind reader bro. It'd be one thing if it was fun spontaneous conversation but it just reads like you're trying to force it, like trying to perpetuate it, and the worst part is it's not even clear why.

Bear in mind she's got shit going on, and is probably getting texted by friends, guys, work etc. You might get the occasional girl who'll follow you down the garden path on the offchance, but if a girl was texting me this kind of purposeless small talk I might not engage with it either.

Originally Posted by thinkingman

I find it extremely difficult to know what to do, and I get it wrong a lot. Girls are so unpredictable, you don't know what the right approach for each girl is. And before you know it, you're blowing thru lots and lots of girls failing with most of them, and not having a clue what's going on, not having a clue where you're going wrong, and ultimately not really learning anything... just fail, fail, fail, fail, succeed, fail, fail... seemingly randomly. How do you start to make sense of it all?

It'll always be unpredictable.Everyone's got shit going on, some people just dont click..there's a billion reason why shit might not work out. Whatever. As long as enough stuff does it's no big deal.

Key things you should bear in mind is to cut out all the fluff and say what you actually mean. I guarantee that forcing long conversations and avoiding saying what you actually want isn't helping you. When you're texting ask yourself 3 questions:

1. What do I actually want to do here
2. Does she know that
3. Am I saying this because I want to or because I'm 'trying to make it work?'

Get used to thinking like that and you'll find it'll take a lot of the mystery out of the whole thing

[thinkingman]

Originally Posted by Stein

I'm saying it's as simple as this. If I was this girl and you texted me the stuff above, I would have no idea where you were going with it or what you actually wanted. At no point do you straight up say 'let's meet up again next time I'm in town'. You might think that's implicitly obvious but it's not. She isn't a mind reader bro. It'd be one thing if it was fun spontaneous conversation but it just reads like you're trying to force it, like trying to perpetuate it, and the worst part is it's not even clear why.

Bear in mind she's got shit going on, and is probably getting texted by friends, guys, work etc. You might get the occasional girl who'll follow you down the garden path on the offchance, but if a girl was texting me this kind of purposeless small talk I might not engage with it either.

I see what you're getting at now. Thanks for the explanation. I guess I'm just an old fashioned patient person who likes to take their time and build up a rapport before jumping to the point. But if that's what girls are expecting then I guess I have to change. I did say when I took her number that it was so we could meet up next time I'm in town, but maybe she didn't remember that.

Originally Posted by Stein

there's a billion reason why shit might not work out. Whatever. As long as enough stuff does it's no big deal.

That's the problem, not enough stuff does work out with the girls who I am actually interested in. Stuff like the above happens... a lot. And then I'm left wondering - was it the last thing I said? Was it something between the lines that happened over time? Was it something when we first met? Are these girls just out of my league? Am I out of their league? I just don't have a clue, and it's hard to learn when it's just a random "fail" with no other feedback.

Originally Posted by Stein

Key things you should bear in mind is to cut out all the fluff and say what you actually mean. I guarantee that forcing long conversations and avoiding saying what you actually want isn't helping you. When you're texting ask yourself 3 questions:
What do I actually want to do here
Does she know that
Am I saying this because I want to or because I'm 'trying to make it work?'

Thanks for the advice. I'll give this a try. One question for you tho. Say it was a girl from nearby, you just met her, got her number, you hadn't slept with her, and you wanted to set up a date for later in the week. Would you jump straight to saying that you want to meet her, in the first couple of texts? Or would you build up some rapport with small talk first? Just trying to put some context on what you're saying...