Help!

[FunkeyMonkey]

Not sure anyone can suggest anything that I don't already know but I am struggling to get what I want right now so this is probably just a bit of a rant!

My last long term gf was over a year ago, banged my way through many one night stands for about a year. This was purely down to luck, confidence and im not bad looking but never made me happy and I was never really in that much control of it so have turned to PUA to try and change it. Yes im after a longer term thing or a few long term things where I actually get to know someone before jumping into bed with them, I want to be able to choose what I want and not just settle for whatever might come along.

There is so much information about that its a bit overwhelming! Currently I haven't finished a single book! Not a big reader but treating it as a bit of a challenge to finish the ones I have (Secrets of the A Game - Logan Edwards, The Game - Neil Strauss, plus a couple of others).

Progress is slow. I've been concentrating a lot on my upping my confidence so I can approach anyone I want at any point without worrying about what might happen. Telling myself that I am good enough and have something to offer anyone I talk to. In general day to day life things have improved, I mean I haven't approached any random women on the street or anything but simple things like asking shop assistants for advice on clothes or just saying hi to the hot HR girl at work - this is good as its not something I would usually do (I don't make friends easily). However I am struggling to talk to the women I want when I am out on the town. Its the bank holiday weekend and have been out the last few nights but cant say I have really approached anyone that I wouldn't normally. I mean I have a date on Wednesday & got a frigging amazing blowjob last night but I don't think I really want to go on the date and the good blowjob wasn't with anyone that I would want to see again!
I keep telling myself that if I see someone I like to just go say hi, even if I go through the normal interview type questions - just say hi! Then maybe I can ask and relate to some better questions and learn from there. However it hasn't happened - I don't approach! Its sooo frustrating! Week after week this happens, I keep blaming the fact that I don't get out till around 10pm, bars and clubs are too loud or I end up seeing a mate and chat to him for half the night when its just me and I cant change it!! Sorry rant over! I will keep reading and keep trying.

[FunkeyMonkey]

Toni77 - thanks for the reply. Everything you said made sense and will certainly be trying my hardest to put those things into practice. Just need an experienced wing to learn from.

[nova]

Originally Posted by FunkeyMonkey

I don't approach! Its sooo frustrating! Week after week this happens, I keep blaming the fact that I don't get out till around 10pm, bars and clubs are too loud or I end up seeing a mate and chat to him for half the night when its just me and I cant change it!! Sorry rant over! I will keep reading and keep trying.

This is not gonna happen over night. If you want genuine change you'll need to work for it. There is no quick fix, although popular culture would have us all believe otherwise.

OK, so you've already identified some flaws in your approach. Get out earlier and more often, like straight after work. The fact you are beginning to chat to girls in shops, etc. is good. How about trying to push this further, try and chat to them about stuff completely unrelated to the shop, i.e. what they are up to at the wkd. Try and start flexing those social muscles a bit!!

[entercaspa]

Originally Posted by nova

This is not gonna happen over night. If you want genuine change you'll need to work for it. There is no quick fix

OK, so you've already identified some flaws in your approach. Get out earlier and more often, like straight after work. The fact you are beginning to chat to girls in shops, etc. is good. How about trying to push this further, try and chat to them about stuff completely unrelated to the shop, i.e. what they are up to at the wkd.!

This is sound advice mate, you can do this and sooner or later you will bag a girl, and then another one, and then some...

I would love to add an alternative to this too, or maybe even while youre doing this.

One thing in my life that i always see, is the Law of diminishing returns; the more i really try something the less return benefit i get from it each time i do it.

I was shit with girls and every time i tried to practice, i would always plateau or just chicken out at the last minute. The pressure to get results mounted and over time i actually got worse.this went with me for three the last three years and i really struggled.

So i took my mind off of game, and did something else, I never knew i needed the break so badly. I started ballet and yoga. This helped me so much, the new perspective and fullfillment you get from doing something unrelated to pickup just stays with you after you do it, and i tell you mate girls can really see it. it translated to you personality, confidence etc and plus its an extra thing to talk about. I definately got results

Moral of the story, stop putting pressure on yourself, build confidence from something else and move it over to game

[FunkeyMonkey]

Originally Posted by entercaspa

Moral of the story, stop putting pressure on yourself, build confidence from something else and move it over to game

Again - this makes soo much sense and is the same for lots of things I think. If your trying too hard at something then take a break, step back and come back to it. If/when I get to this point in game I will take you point on board but right now I really think the key for me is to simply talk to more people, talk to more girls and set myself challenges as often as I can. Doing the stylelife challenge looks like a bit much right now but I will attempt it before the end of summer and update this with my progress when I do.

[FunkeyMonkey]

Had a much better night out this week. Im generally feeling much more confident at the moment at it showed when I was out. I approached about 7 women in total and spoke to about 5 others who I met or seen out before. Out of the 7 I approached I got 2 numbers and a kiss from another. I have noticed that I have no problems at all with getting girls attention and quite often get looks. Most of these women I can approach without problems as I know they are interested. There a few which I still got approach approach anxiety with and left it too long but think that this is just practice. Also struggle a little more with approaching girls who I have had not feedback from at all but im sure this will also come with practice. Approaching is something I think I can do or something I can get better at without too many problems.
I definitely get stuck more when I am chatting to them. I am conscious of not just asking a list full of interview questions and keep trying to keep the interaction a bit more fun with guessing what they might do or what they might like etc but this does dry up after a while and a couple of girls who had really low energy meant that I had to cut it short and leave! I also sometimes can go a bit far with teasing/negging and need to be carefull when doing this.
Anyway...I just thought I would give a bit of an update - this weeks task is to chat to a totally new person (doesn't have to be a girl) each day.

[FunkeyMonkey]

UPDATE & ADVICE....

Hi guys. So I think I am making progress. I have now finished the two books that I wanted to finish which were:

Secrets of the A Game - Logan Edwards
The Game - Neil Strauss.

I have only been practicing when I go out but have increased the amount I go out to 3 times a week. My confidence has improved and am able to approach 80% - 90% of the women I want to. I'm not really after same night lays and don't generally kiss when first meeting but am getting lots of numbers.
The problem is that not all of these numbers are turning into further meetups (don't get me wrong - I have 3 different women I am meeting this week. One is new and two are old). I think its because i'm not creating enough of a connection/attraction when I first meet them. I think if I can improve on this then my confidence will improve, I will be able to approach more.

I have bought the Style life challenge book and will start that in the next couple of weeks but I want suggestions on some books which might help me with what I have suggested above. I struggle with things to say and not do the typical interview questions!!

[FunkeyMonkey]

Originally Posted by kowalski

Kiss the girls.


Peace,

kowalski

fair point.....and I probably would however the biggest single reason why I dont is because Norwich is a small city!! If I kiss every girl I meet.....i can't imagine it will do much for my rep!...

[FunkeyMonkey]

Originally Posted by kowalski

Fake problem: Good luck kissing every girl you meet.


Peace,

kowalski

OK! Let me rephrase that! If I start 'trying' to kiss more girls then I don't think it will do much for my rep! However point taken!

[HammerTime]

Don't try. Who said anything about trying?

Just do it.

*hint* - Practice giving her the eye with a pause in convo, the one that says I'm going to kiss you now. Learn to read the subtle reaction she'll give you back. Quite often she says 'not yet' with her eyes, so just do it again later until a 'yes' eyes is given (aka eyes, nose, mouth triangle viewing). Naturally, this works best when tightly holding her around the waist.

P.S - There are approx 29,000 people living in Norwich between the age of 16-24. Assuming you're 100% straight (big assumption) and you have some standards (again, debatable), that makes around 8 - 9,000 kissable girls.

Good luck.