Well! What a rampage of a weekend! 4 days off work, 4 days on PU.

But this weekend has been a hugely frustrating time for me. I feel that I've slipped back into my shell. Hardly any approaches and the approaches that I did do were border line pathetic! No really approaches Friday bar the one's that were 'wildcarded' to me by Hustler (nice one for Friday by the way dude - soz for being such a wet blanket).

Saturday and Sunday were pretty awful too... Saturday I didn't approach all night bar a 2 set at the end that 1. couldn't really hear me 2. were fed up by all the chodes that talked to them previously... Sunday was just as bad cos I'd complete lost my balls... and actually approached nobody! ARGH!

I've been trying to think today about how the hell I can counter this. I know that I have a disproportionate fear of approaching. So if anything, I need to concentrate on tactics that help me SMASH the brick wall that stands between me and meeting people I don't know.

So my plans are to stick to one or two routines and run them into oblivion when I'm out... I mean like for the next month!! I don't care if people know me as the Hot or Cold Custard guy... or the guy that can't organise a fancy dress party for shit... I just need to approach, approach approach. I want to be accepted, rejected, ignored, been told to fuck off because I know the more I hear that, the more approaches I'm doing. The point here is, not to practice technique, but to destroy my fear of approach.

I'm also going to set aside one week every month that I call 'Approach Week'; this week I will dedicate to overcoming my fear and ultimately feeling comfortable with the discomfort of my feelings for approach (I know the fear will never go away). Basically, I'm going to seek out women / situations that scare the living shit out of me and just approach.

In martial arts, there's this guy, called Geoff Thompson, who was seeking out the best way to learn self defence... I mean, real self defence... the sort of skills required to fight your way out of a middle of a brawl outside the Fish 'n' Chip shop on a Saturday night. Blood. Snot. And broken bones. Through his journey, he discovered that just going to a martial arts class wasn't enough. So he became a Doorman on the door on the roughest place in town (1980's Coventry)! He learnt very quickly how to defend himself against the scum of the street. Ultimately, this guy was scared of fighting... so scared that he would do anything to become comfortable with the fear of confrontation. (Check him out... Watch My Back is a great read!).

I'm taking inspiration from this (and actually Darood! You rock man! So god damn fearless when it comes to approach) I'm wondering if this will help become desensitised and free me so I can concentrate moving further into my game.

The other way is Wildcards... Hustler and I went out Friday... we were 'talking' game. It's great that we conversing over the various elements. But I also started to get annoyed with myself (this is not directed at you Hustler – just me venting). We were letting sets slip by, sitting around doing nothing but talking. But we both knew that we wanted to get up and get stuck in. I can talk good game... but that's bullshit... I want to DO good game. So I told Hustler. He suggested Wildcards (he said Kowalski inspired him to do this when he was in Manchester – he had him clucking like a chicken as an opener). We did it. We approached. We forced each other to open various sets... sometimes they were the sets that we initial didn't want to do due to AA... other times it was opening a set with stupid openers (Mine was to ask a group of girls tips on Bum Sex – actually they took it very well... my opener that is!). We are going to be doing this even more when go out. If you're new to the game or have an AA monkey on your back... then get your mates to set you Wildcards. It's amazing what you'll do when pride / face is involved! Haha!

To (re-)quote Covert...

Wise words! It's time for me to man up, shut the fuck up and get out and do some approaches.

Hey man, don't be so hard on yourself, although the fact that you're disappointed with yourself will make you strive to do better next time. You've got good potential at this, having met you a number of times now you're a decent guy who possesses good and attractive character traits. You're always fun, positive and genuine there is nothing remotely odd about you, all the odds are stacked in your favor. The way you interact with me and the other guys is your true authentic self you just need to transfer the way you interact with us guys to the way you interact with random women. Easier said than done I know.

However, I'm not going to give you any stick if you want to go down the canned route for a while, if anything i'd encourage you do to that for a short while until you feel more comfortable opening. Before you learnt to ride a bike I'm sure you used stabilisers....big deal. Everybody has to start somewhere. When I first started I was Mr Tatto opener guy, Jynx was Mr Dental Floss opener guy.

Hell, next time we go out lets just open with the lamest canned crap we can think of. It's fun as we found out last Friday.

Use the canned stuff mate! Use it to death cos thats what it takes to realise the limitations that you have with it.

Is correct.

To anyone who is having problems with overcoming AA and learning to open, I would strongly reccommend the use of canned material for a period of time. You don't need a canned routine as such. Just an opening line, a topic of conversation to get you used to having 30 second conversations.

I wouldn't have learned to overcome my own AA without the use of canned openers. I've spent a few months going round town asking girls their opinions of the correct temperature at which custard can be served. This isn't a problem at all, and teaches you that opening is a perfectly normal thing to do.

There is also another benefit. AA manifests itself often in the form of a question: "But, I don't know what to say?". Having a canned opened gives you something to say, which you can have on the tip of your tongue ready to spit out at any given second.

MB - it sounds like you're having a few problems mate. But the best thing is, you're more than capable of solving those problems. You are completely in control of your destiny here.

Take action, and make things happen.

So I know this is a little late. I've been busy, trying to find the time to sit down and assess the shenanigans of last weekend.

Friday

Ever since I started getting interested in Pickup, come Friday, I'm absolutely buzzing! I haven't had that feeling for YEARS! I really enjoy my work but its stressful. Emotionally, I stay at a certain baseline level; never too excited in the good times and never too down when things are bad. But I can't stop that Friday feeling! Woo!

I wasn't planning on hitting Bristol because everyone on the forum was off doing their own thing. I happened to mention in the office that I was thinking about it and before you know it, I'd recruited 8 people to go out! My excitement must be infectious!

Anyway... I was dealing with a lot of drunking, unsarging work mates but whenever I saw the opportunity I manage to get a few conversations going.

Last week, the Let's get Naked post and my Cheltenham report really gave me a lot of food for thought. My goal is to start as many conversations I can. I pushed my view out there that it doesn't matter if you open with canned material; all that matters is that you open! I thought about this a lot and came to the conclusion that I would attempt to open without canned material but if I was flapping and didn't know what to say, I would use it as a fallback (a fair trade I think.)

Back to Friday. I managed to open 3 sets. First was a 2 set by the cash point; great situational opener about cash machines giving out £5 notes. I got chatting for them for a bit about being a student, pressing her £200 button, where to go, etc. The conversation came to a natural conclusion and we wandered off in different directions. In hindsight, I should have asked where they were going! Doh!

I had a revelation about this kind of set and time delays; where you will get chatting to a girl/group of girls, have your funny, banterish conversation, leave (must be high energy), inject a short time delay and later on, meet up again; That time delay seems to amplify the familiarity between you. If you leave the set on a high energy eject (“OMG! I love this song! I going to shake my booty! Catch up later!”) it's easy to hook up later with a greater level of 'connection'.

If I asked the Cash Point girls where they were going and hooked up with them, I'm sure our connection would have amplify (“Hey! It's you! The crazy Cash Point girl! Are you ready for me to press that £200 button?” - or something like that!). And so the conversation would continue.

The main set I opened was a cute HB8 at some semi busy bar at the top end of Bristol. She was at the bar, and I got my usual nervous feeling. I was going to open up with a bit of Canned... when suddenly... I the words “Hey! How are you!” came flying out my mouth. (Did Kowalski take over my voice box?). We had a bit of a conversation at the bar.

Conversation aside, I was actually quite shocked how good a response I got from just opening normally! It was great! But thinking about it, I still have a few issues with this type of opener... The main one being the “Natural opener” Path to Nowhere; With a canned opener you have a line of conversation that you naturally follow, the same with a situational... but with a natural opener, I find myself chatting about where you've been, prices of drinks, the weather.... zzzzz. It almost feels like you have to have a conversation piece lined up to bring the energy up. K has linked me to an awesome book that had some great insights on being Social vs being Seductive which I'm sure will have some insights on this. I feel Natural Conversation is hard to shift into a Seduction gear... Maybe I need to bring my energy levels up on the initial open.... i.e. Covert's “What girls talking about” opener... hmmmmm... I need to think about this more.

Saturday

Sunny Saturday morning, one of my mates in Derby blows the Man Horn (that's a pretty bad phrase... need to change that) and before I know it, I'm chugging across the clogged archery of the UK motorway system (M42) and joining forces with my pals (think Power Rangers... okay... maybe more Captain Planet) for a good ol' blow out.

I've mentioned these guys before. They have great energy and we always have a good night talking to girls and busting some shapes on the dance floor! And I was on fire! Straight in, talking to any girl I could. But 2 particular sets stand out for me.

The first was when I got speaking to some crazy old guy (hold on, this isn't not the set!)... most people avoid/ignore the 'crazy' getting ratted at the end of the bar... but I don't. This guy is usually the most social guy in the bar – he has no Social boundaries; lost though many years of drink, talking to himself and generally a little bit mental. He'll go and talk to anyone. I knew it was a matter of time before the crazy dude attempts to chat to the hot girls (who become slightly awkward, looking for someone to save them). This is when I go in and speak to Mr Crazy who's ready to big me up because I spoke to him earlier on - Then, half way from the conversation, I point to the girl subtly then to Mr Crazy and say to her “So... is this your Dad?” Haaaaaa! The reactions get and follow up conversations are great fun. This time round I got a awesome response... but before I knew it... all my friends had ram-raided me; jumping all over my back and not giving me any time to push things further... nightmare.

The second was a dance floor set. I want to talk about this because CO was asking about it in his FR. The best (and easiest) dance floor sets (I find) are the ones that are high energy anyway; It's so easy to take your jacket off, swing it round your head, grab to the girl and crazy dance... grinding 'n' all. It's harder to get some girl going when she's 2-stepping with her mates in a group. Dave more or less gave the same advice I have but what I fail at every time is to take it to the next level. After I grind for a bit, spank her booty, “Time of your life” lift... I've realised there's nowhere else you can go with continuing dancing with her. Next time I'm going to try getting straight in for the kiss close... then isolating. What's your guys thoughts on that?

I had a great weekend and I ended up at some girls house who I picked up in Bristol with Pav about 3 weeks ago. I just so happened that she lived in Derby! Really cool girl that I got on with awesomely! Nice of her to let me in when I was aaaaaaabsssollutely steaming! Smooth!

YES. You have saved yourself months of using bullshit openers that mean nothing to you. Now you have has your first realisation that girls find it perfectly acceptable for you to go and say hi (without the need for some lame excuse) you can build on being comfortable with just chatting about random shit, and like K says, start concentrating on escalating

Full marks mate!

Awesome field report MB, that thing about the Man Horn cracked me up! Reminds me of The Thick of It, where Ollie gets dumped and whatsisface from the Opposition says "It'll be like Lord of the Rings - I will be Aragorn the noble king, and you can be Boromir - your horn is broken and will be blown no more". Top stuff.

It's wicked you're getting into natural openings. It really is the way forward, and you'll find you come on in leaps and bounds in the next few weeks. Don't worry about not having a natural route for the conversation to take - you'll find you start to feel comfortable talking about anything, and the girl will naturally follow your strong lead. If you want a starting point, ask an open-ended question:

"Are you a student?" (this is my favourite)
"What do you do?"
"What's your favourite flavour of crisp? I like prawn cocktail"
"What's your favourite place to go on holiday?"
"I want to know about you - where are you from?"

Obviously, some are better than others but you get the idea. From here a conversation is easy as pie.

The energy level thing is big as well. That thing you said about your excitement being contageous? Spot on! It really fucking is. And what's more, those lasses on the dancefloor seeing you having an awesome time in the "warm end of the pool" are going to want in on that. The fact that you were out with your mates and having an amazing night regardless of chick attention will have done you loads of favours too.

I'm in a similar situation with escalating. I, too, tend to err on the side of being social rather than being seductive and it works against me. I'm re-reading Juggler at the moment, and he's got some cool tips to get things heated up. Things like suggesting that you both do something really hot then immediately withdrawing the offer:

"You know what we should do? Go back to mine and lick chocolate sauce off each other. Oh actually, I just ran out. Never mind"

The idea is, even if she rejects the idea (which she almost certainly will), she will still be thinking about dirty shit you could get up to and this will turn her on. Other key things to do are, like Kowalski said, plenty of touching (put your arm around her waist as you go to talk to her, hold her hand as you isolate her etc...) and some statements of interest:

"You're sexy, I like that"
"You look stunning"

I find it's best to do this as if you're talking about the weather or the fact that your drink has too much ice in it. If you do it to get a reaction from her, she'll know and won't bite.

Dude, I can't wait to get back to Bristol. We are so hitting that town and its honeys! The good news is I just passed a mock driving test and the real thing is on monday, so fingers crossed I'll be down soon!

T'was: Setting Positive Boundaries. This applies as much for conversational gymnastics as it does for kino and physical contact. If you set a boundary early on where you show a girl you don't give a fuck what you say or what she thinks, she'll reciprocate.

And similarly, if you're very nice and sweet and polite, she'll be nice and sweet and polite. But this doesn't get you very far in terms of building comfort.

I will often happily (but playfully) tell a girl to fuck off early on. This is setting another boundary - 'I'm comfortable enough with you to treat you like I've known you for years'.

But you're dead right K, it applies first and foremost to Kino. Get it down in the first few seconds of an interaction - leave it any longer, and those boundaries get entrenched, and become difficult to move.

In my last FR, I mentioned how I was in a set, but failed to get those boundaries set early on. I was hesitant with my touches, light brushes on her arm and a gentle, softly softly approach. When I tried to escelate 10 minutes later by putting my hand more forcefully on her back, she noticed, and she actually said the words 'don't touch me' and visibly reeled back. The boundaries I'd set were cautious and suggested a lack of comfort. When I broke those boundaries, she objected and resisted.

Any set you open is one you can re-enter later on. I don't even think you need to leave the set high energy. Once you've spoken to a girl or group of girls, you have a relationship with them. You are well within your rights to re-open this group later on.

You can eject from a set by saying anything, regardless of energy 'Well, I'm going to get back to my friends. See you later'... And then re-enter 20 minutes later with 'Miss me?'.

Top class man! Absolutely top class! Like you said in a post recently, we're in similar places with our respective games. You're doing well man!

Dance floor game seems to me to be tricky. Personally, its something I want to get a handle on as so much time on a night out is spent on a dance floor.

The approach you describe above requires you to maintain a high level of energy throughout. You'd need to transition from a 'dancing wildly' vibe to an 'I am now going to kiss you' vibe. That can be immensely complex, and again has the potential to bring the energy down, unless that transition is made in a split second.

First rules for dance floor game are to have fun on your own terms, and become comfortable. Be sociable. Make it normal to dance with other people. And from there... Well, I'll let you know when I get there!



On the whole though, MB, cracking report, brought a big smile to my face reading that! You're making really good progress mate, can't wait to wing with you soon man!

Wow!

What a great weekend! The Sun was out and there was plenty of PU action to taken advantage of in Bristol. What's great is that I am consistently learning awesome skills every time I go out. I realised that I will never stop learning; each new approach, each opener, each rejection, each success is teaching me something new. Something I hope will continue throughout my social development journey.

The main thing I've learnt this weekend, is that the girls that have good conversations with, are girls that I actually connect with and would really want to get to know! That's the ultimate goal (for me) of Social Development. To meet awesome people! And if I get my balls licked as well, then that's a bonus! (haha! Crass, I know! )

So this could be a long one (standard!) so I better get going:

Friday

Firstly, I'm surprised by the lack of people out in Bristol on Friday. I was pretty dead! But also I put the shout out to a few peps on the board and no one was available (bar Pav!). Maybe it was too short notice... but I like to be spontaneous! I've subscribed to overcome my social anxieties so every weekend is a PU weekend for me! If you South West guys are serious about getting good a meeting people, then haul ass and come on out!

So, I met Pav down the Water Front. When I got there, he was already talking to a lady so we all got chatting until her boyfriend turned up. Friday was seriously hit and miss for me. We cruised round a few places and got chatting to a small number of girls here and there. I'm still suffering with bailing too early. Thinking about it, this probably means I've made some progression... I'm managing to get more sets open and obtain some pretty good reactions. But (mostly) I get 2 mins in and bail. I'm not worried about it though. I've hit my next obstacle. I'll find a way to get over it! Here's an example:

I'm at the bar. Two ladies have their back turned away from me. Not ideal. But I don't see this a problem. I notice there are ordering two massive cocktail jugs. So I lean in and go for the situational:

[me] Excuse me ladies, but I couldn't help but ask. Those two massive cocktails aren't just for you are they?
[girls] Yeah... (flippant over the shoulder – this doesn't deter me)
[me] … Seriously, you two are going to be wasted! I mean, look at the size of them! You girls know how to party! Which one did you get?
[girls] … (blah blah... they warm up a bit)
[me] I can wait to see you drink those all by yourselves.
[girls] Well, we have another mate that will be drinking them...
[me] Oh yeah? Where is she?
[girls] (they point – she's on her own looking sad!)
[me] OMG! You left her on her own! You two are terrible friends.
[girls] (She's saving the seats / she does look sad / more random comments). So why don't you go and sit with her and say hello?
[me] Nah she's alright over there looking sad and lonely on her own... (***BAIL ALARM!***)

Conversation naturally comes to a close.

Now, I know where I went wrong. If I said... “Yeah! I'll go speak to her now!” then it would have lead to a 10 – 20 min conversation. But I just didn't take the opportunity! Doh!

This week I had my first Bitch Set! (woo!)

I approached a couple of girls outside under the heaters. I conveniently positioned myself near them with my back to them . For some reason there was a babies bottle on the floor and loads of nappies on the table next to them (random!)

[me] excuse me, but I think you've just dropped your bottle on the floor.
[girl] (frowns viciously) you what?!?
[me] I said, I think you dropped your bottle... look... (obviously, I'm attempting to have a jokey tone to my comment)
[girl] … (frown turns into a scowl) yeah... and?
[me] … oh ok... I was just starting a conversation that all... Why are all these nappies everywhere?
[girl] … you must be wearing one... have you shit yourself or something?!
[me] (I actually thought that was quiet witty and funny) haha! I'm not sure... do you want to check?
[girl] (scowl turns into a bitch face!) whatever...
[me] (eye brow raise. Back turn)

Ok... maybe not the best conversation starter... but one that could have lead to something more light hearted. She was just being a bitch. Trying to close me down at every point. And you know what! It wasn't that bad! If she rude / tries to humiliate me / tell me to fuck off... it's their problem. Thanks for letting me know early that you're a cock... now bugger off!

Anyway... we ended up in Stinky Disco (again) but there wasn't much action on my part. There was a two set we talked to for about 20mins. Pav was getting on great with his girl... but I wasn't connecting with mine... I just didn't fancy her. But I kept her busy will the maestro worked his magic (I'll let him tell the story if he wants!).

I attempted to open a couple of sets, but I did manage to connect with them very well. So all in all, I came out empty handed! But (again – another revelation) I wasn't too down on my lack of success. I can see how it can be very easy to beat yourself up for no approaching / number closing / f-closing more. But it's only one night and tomorrow is another day! As long as the good days balance out with the bad days, then it's all good!

And Saturday was an AWESOME day!

Sooo much happened on Saturday, that I'm going to write it up tomorrow! Ha!

Good work MB! I like reading your field reports. You seem to be progressing at the same time and in same way as I am.

About the 1st set you mention. Why did you bail man? Not only was it an open invitation, but a perfect situation to get chatting to another girl. My guess is you may be afraid of success?

Also, on the second set. Sounds like they were twats anyway. Nothing wrong with the opener. Even if there was, it's not so bad that it warrents for that sort of reaction. You handled it well.

Keep up the good work