Very brief bit of background - I had liked this girl in work from about April this year. I was about to ask her out, but then she had a BF (she had gotten back with a guy she had previously spent 3 years going out with).

We had a day outing with work in June, and we spent alot of the day together and got on really well. At the end of the night I told her that I really liked her, and that I was gutted to hear that she had a BF. She said that it was going ok at the mo, but if it ended she knew where I was. I was fine with this, intially.

But as time went out, I found myself getting, I suppose, infatuated with her. It didn't help that I was sure, rightly or wrongly, that she liked me. I would think about her a lot of the time, and everytime we spoke I'd analyse in my head what she said, and what she didn't say to try and find clues as to whether or not she liked me. Not good! In August, she bought a cheap house with her BF which they are doing up.

Unfortuantely, my infatuation and feelings for her continued, until last week where I came to the conclusion that this infatuation was doing me harm, so I decided I had to do something to stop feeling that way.

So, simply, I just said over and over and over to myself - "She does not like me, I do not like her". I'd repeat this in my head throughout the day and out loud if was on my own. I continued this throughout the week.

Almost a week on and my infatuation with her seems to have disappeared. I still get occasions where I think about her, but they are very brief. So it looks like it's worked, which I'm mightly pleased and relieved with. She actually gets on my nerves slightly now (similarly to before I started liking her) which isn't what I intended, but better that than the infatuation.

Any thoughts/comments? Anyone else tried that sort of technique?

Hey dude,

Similar thing happened to me when i got back from holiday. Went out round Leeds and met this stunning girl, got on so well i went back to hers the same night. We arranged to meet up again on Tuesday. All i could think about was this girl. She ticked all my boxes. Like yourself i found myself thinking about her all the time. We went out Tuesday and had a cool time but i could sense something standoffish about her. I went back to hers again and we arranged to see each other on Sunday. Anyways Sunday rolled round, she txt me wanting to postpone.

From Tuesday to Sunday i kept getting the impression she just wasnt that interested. I told her it was cool to postpone but if im honest i dont think your (she) is interested. A few hours later she replies saying how cool it was to meet me but im right and shes not interested.

I was fucking gutted man, first girl in ages whose ticked all the right boxes and shes not interested.

I understand i invested too much too early and put too much value on it but honestly i couldnt give a fuck that i broke pua rules #4 & #9 section 13 or whatever. I had my desires went after them and it didnt work out for me.

I noticed you said 'I dont like her' in your mantra if this is true then this is cool but if its not and you do like her then dont lie to yourself man, thats supression, supression isnt healthy. What worked best for me was acceptance. I accept rightly or wrongly i felt a lot for this girl quite early on, i accept she has every right to not like me, i accept that she doesnt like me. Im also very gratefull for having met her and having spent time with her. I also accept that i have my own life to live and that she isnt going to be a part of it and i must now move on.

Since then iv moved on, im back to my old ways and everythings great. Theres flashes of course where i might think about this girl and everything i woulda shoulda coulda, but i just smile to myself about it and think philosophically about it now. In fact it was one of the best life lessons iv had since getting into this whole self improvement/development stuff.

'Failure is not the worst thing in the world. The very worst is not to try.' - Unknown

Hey Phenom,

Yeah, I tried looking at it in this exact way many times. I tried accepting the situation for what it was. I tried rationalising what I was experiencing in order to move on from it. But it kept coming back. I believe a big part of the reason for this was that I was under the strong illusion that she liked me more than what she actually does. So it was the case of that I really liked her and believed that she liked me, so not being together was very frustrating and difficult to accept.

I'm bit confused as to how I really feel/felt about her. She is pretty and has a beautiful smile, and we share similar interests - and there were times when we spoke where I thought there was 'something' there between us. If I'm honest, I'd go out with her in a second. But when I see her now I don't get the same feeling as I did before.

The fact that the radical change in my feelings for her as taken less than a week to occur makes me wonder how much I actually liked her at all. The small space of time for this change to happen also makes me question my mental state?! Hahaha.......

Guys,

really interested reading this post. I have had a similar thing. Met a girl, intant connection. Nothing sexual happend but there was definately something there. However she had a bf so I left it. 6 months later i hear she has finished with him so i try it on. But she tells me she is not interested. So although gutted i leave it.

couple of months later i'm out with my workmates and so is she. All her work mates keep asking me/telling me and pointing out to me about something happening between us.

So boyed by this i try it on again and get blown out again! Not happy. Although clearly nothing is goin to happen whenever our groups are out and i spend time talking to her all her friends act like schools girls looking and talking to me about her nudge nudge wink wink etc. It really bug me cus i know nothings going to happen.

I just need to cut her out i reckon. What do you think?

Haha mate it was the same for me. It all happened within the space of about a week. I felt like everything i learnt and studied over the last year or so didnt mean shit. I felt like the worlds biggest chode. But then i just thought fuck it, its happening and its there, let it be there, it was this acceptance of being aware of how i felt and aknowledging it i felt much better about myself and could move on easier. Of course it sucks man but its life, it might even happen again but who cares.

You're right Phenom, suppression isn't good. Those buried emotions eventually find a way out (courtesey of alcohol), and when they do - BOOM! And you're completely right about needing to achieve acceptance. This will have to be my new matnra -

"I must accept the situation"
"I must accept the situation"
"I must accept the situation".................lol

i wouldnt say accept it, that just means having to think about it. Just move past it, stop thinkin about how it happened, or the consiquences of it.... its not causeing u any REAL issues physically or in the real world, just in ur head...

and thats only coz u think about it, so just focus ur self on whatever ur doin without thought of yesterday or today, or a 30 seconds ago, or 30 seconds from now, and if your thoughts process stops so does the emotion that comes with it... my view of what eckart tolle calls SPIRITUALISM

Of course cos its always as simple as that

actually, it is... listen or read eckart tolle the power of now. little bit strange but its should help out

Haha mate iv read that book cover to cover numerous times, iv even got the 'i love Eckhart Tolle' t-shirt circa 09'.

I dont think its nessecerily wrong what your saying. But to just 'forget' something thats had such an emotional impact on someone is a fairly fuckin tall order. Maybe its easy for Eckhart Tolle being the 'spiriitual master' he is to forget his problems and live in the 'now' but for mere mortals like us its not easily done. By 'forgetting' you are essentially supressing and as Maestro has said in his last post supression hasnt helped him one iota.

I dont understand why you think accepting the situation is wrong. So what if he has to think on it, in fact he fuckin well should think about it, let it hurt, but at least he knows it wont hurt forever. By accepting it he can eventually wake up one day and say 'ok that bad feelings gone, time to get my shit together' and on he goes with his life. By forgetting he is essentially being a coward and not facing up to his problems like a man should.