I have no friends, and I am perfectly content with that.

I think my question is, should i be??

My mindset is, I dont need or rely on people to make me happy or maintain my self-esteem. I am very much my own person, I am not nasty to people, the people that I do know that i bump into in the street, Im always pleased to see and have a brief chat with. Fundamentally though, I dont need people.


Ofcourse i dont have absolutely no friends; I have met lots of people in my life and I have over 250 people on my FB friends list (not that thats reflective or anything), but 99.9999999% of the time they are just thumbnails to me, thats the only time i encounter them. What caused this little thought to pop into my head, is that some really lovely people have been deleting me, so it has caused me a little concern, especially when i encounter them next (which may not even happen), but i thought thats what FB is for; keeping a form of contact and seeing what they are up to even if it been ages since you last met them. However i never go and meet up with people, go and party with them, etc. I dont have any people i contact regularly, or chum around with. If I want some company, there is no one i could contact to do this with. And even if i did (because there are a few I could do this with), i probably wouldnt contact them as regualrly as i should, resulting in me getting into the postion that i am now.


Not even sure what the point of this post is really. I guess... is anyone in roughly the same position as me?

Well, i can totally identify with this,

my story basically was -- as a child i had loads of friends
continued into my early twenties - met my long term ex and 10 years later when we split i had drifted away from most of my friends- i still have a core of 4 very good friends who i will see (due to distance/wives/manic jobs) once every few months
Because i live a fair distance from my friends i cant just pop round and hook up for a laugh, so i guess internally i decided i was a self fuelled entity who didnt need anyone.

I then cross referenced this with my need to whore, so now i have female friends which i can call up for a hook up, good banter, wine and sex

And thank you for your honesty aswell.

Ofcourse it depends on what one actually means by friends. I have "friends", but they are not people I see regularly. I have a group of close friends and we've known each other since before we were 10. But because we have our own lives and all of us live in different parts of the country, we dont see each other regularly and dont contact each other as much as perhaps we should, but its only because we know we will see each other again, and when we do we're as close as siblings.

This observation is pretty fucking accurate.


I wouldnt say Ive got anxiety, but the socialising environment I just find boring, uncomfortable, and contrived, and its doesnt interest me. This is partly due to the fact that i will always be coming from outside to the ingroup, and so wont feel very included. Im not scared of anything, and in this sense i do not have anxiety.

Luckily I am nothing like this.

But I have always viewed the pub with much scepticism as a source of friendship and socialising. I mean do people rely on the pub for their source of friendship? I dont think so.
Just because your drinking in a pub, or/and chat to people you've never met before, or if you have you would only interact with them in said pub, does not mean you have friends.
If they stopped going, they would be in a postion not totally disimilar to mine, if this was the case.

Hard to say.
In my early teens, because of the nature of school i had a healthy social life. Outside it, I wouldnt meet up with people, thats for sure. I would skate alot though and so there was that aspect of my social life as i would always be meeting people especially people i knew from school.

As i got older it got worse in that people have their own little in groups, and ive always described it as 'I was friends with everyone but i didnt belong to any specific group'. It was round GCSE that i started to get really isolated, i spent all my time doing homework, always having to go to head of year because of my trouble with workoad, and once i got to AS level i just didnt really know what to do with my life, and i felt vey isolated. Also by this point at school, as you go up a year the people in your form changes, and so the second last year your in with another group of people who are focussed on passing their exams rather than studying.

People then go off to different parts of the country for 3 years for uni making new friends. (I didnt go to uni). And any old friends they have will be a select few of the best of their old friends.

Also due to the nature of work and not going to school anymore (and subsequently not being exposed to the numbers of peers you normally would if at school), I think adults in general have a somewhat reduced social life. So because of this its difficult to get a prospective




Its one of those things where I dont mind being the way I am, its only when other people (especially girls and potential GFs, etc) perceive it as odd, then thats when I start to get concerned. But I am sure there are guys who are in the same position as me, and they dont let it affect their sex life or relationships. Also if were to ever change my ways and then encounter someone exactly like me but one who doesnt let i affect their sex life or any party they happen to be in i will always be thinking 'Fuck why cant i be like that, why cant i just be myself?'.

YES! This sounds more like me.

I mean, i havnt gotten to that stage yet of having female friends on call, but its probably what i will turn into. Hopefully...

peachmax, reading what you have written sounds quite similar to my cousin who has Aspergers

from what i know (which admittedly is not a huge amount) there are varying degrees along the spectrum starting with high functioning very slightly aspergic

I aplogise if I'm wrong as no offence is intended, its just what your original post reminded me of and of course I could be way off

Peachmax - what are your interests and hobbies? Meeting people through joining groups/classes which relate to your interests is always a positive thing.

Let me tell you a bit about the mentallity I came from and see if it's like how you feel? In many situations I am still like this but am working to push myself to a different direction.

I can relate to the need no body idea. Rather than asking someone for help I'll work it
out myself. Whether I have to learn it or fuck it up a few times I'd rather just do it.

I don't need anyone to tell me where to go when I'm lost and need directions, don't need someone to tell me how to install the latest piece of server technology.. pretty much anything. Whether I need to rebuild an engine in my car..

It's not that I'm affraid to ask for help or have a complex against having people help me cause I am fine with it at times. I just never see it as the most efficient way to get the situation resolved. I am just very self reliant and want to work things out myself.

But friends of mine never do me any favours and that can have a negative effect on the friendships. I do a lot of favours for friends though because I am happy to do it because I enjoy it, I don't expect much back from them. If I don't want to do it I won't so I'm no mug of course.

I think I'm just a very focused person on what I want to go do, so I might not take the time to ask people round the office how there weekend was because I don't see it as a valuable use of my time. But I think the big thing about friends if you have to be willing to show an interest in giving your time to them.

Perhaps the focus needs to be switched round to thinking when you ask someone how their weekend was it's not for an immediate benefit for you but for a long term benefit. You're building a stronger relationship with that peson and in the future so that person maybe far more willing to invest time in you when you need something. Whether it just be someone to listen to you or someone to do a favour.

Another side to it is as I grew up I learnt to feel like it was me and them, that I wasn't ever appart of something that was going on. I was the outsider or observer. Now when you're unaware of this being bad you don't know any better, so you learn to do your own thing rather than be in the group or even leading the group.

So what to do about it? An example I've just taken the regional organiser role at a car club I'm a member of. This role is going to push me to develop a few skills. Both leadership, planning and communication with people. But at the sametime building relationships with people round the region and try bringing more people together to attend our events and even national events.

I would be deeply sad without my friends. saying that I have been made deeply sad from what "friends" have done to me in the past

Each to their own but im a much more happier with my close friends as my family can do my nutt in at times

( having a side group of ugly friends to go out drinking with is super awesome... makes you look that much more awesome ,,,,,,,,,yea im a cunt

on a lighter note

"Friends" - Flight of the Conchords - YouTube

No offence taken; this might not be very far from the truth. Other people around me have also suggested that I may be borderline aspergers, you know, on the fringes. And it would make sense if I am.

Indeed.

And absolutely, males and females form and interact with friends very differently.


-Just turned 23
-Nope, not since July 2010. It was an office environment, tv production company. Very career oriented, theyre only friendly if your a valuble contact, because in that industry people get work through their contacts and friends, its who you know not what you know. I got sacked, and i felt like they all ganged up on me to achieve this.This just added to my resentment to people and the social environment.
-Not especially. If I meet people on my journeys through life, then thats great. I suppose if i dont care/mind either way then i suppose there are little things that increase my chances of meeting new people. But I dont know(/care?)





This i can relate to. I always felt it was me making the effort to make contact with people, and they would never return the favour. I mean if i start now, it will be me being the prime mover, and a lot of effort can result in very little at the end of the day. Resulting in me thinking 'im in that position of chasing people around which i hate more than having no friends to call upon, why the fuck am i doing this, fuck this!'


Yep this is what i was saying earlier, that even if i start to get more social i will be an outsider. But hey i guess that OK, when it comes down to it, thats exactly what I would be, and i can find my feet and my place in a situation like this, and still be me. The two dont need to contradict, although they have a tendency to do exactly that, and perhaps thats the issue.

whoever writes here, it says 'i have no friends by ......' on the main page hohoho.
I used to be insanely introvert and people hating, now I socialise constantly I am much better with relating to everyone and get much more out of living. Its a human world, people are all.