So, we been talkin alot recently about what causes neediness.

Well ive been meeting this bird now for like 8 months or so.

obv like this one... and for the first time the other day i felt that little gut feelin of jealousy over somethin stupid... then proceeded to laff & thought

"ha ive not felt that for a while."

it was only over somethin stupid! the thing is, everyone is gona get blips of this kinda stuff.

but it made me think back to me in the past, how i acted with GFs

whether its that you feel ur being lied to

or your slightly jealous

whatever, your instant thought would be to either...

a) futher question & find out more info

b) act diff so they ask you whats up then have a talk about it

but get this... the issue is your shit, not theirs

if you start with the covert interrogation its only gonna make u feel worse, and trust me, if there is anythin to find out, ur not gonna, coz they are not just gonna go

"OK YA CAUGHT ME"


goin all quiet is what needy women do.

and talkin about it just shows ur insecure because at the end it will most likely turn out u wer just being stupid.

SORT YOUR OWN ISSUES OUT IN YOUR OWN HEAD, and make sure you stay away from the girl until u do.

things happen in your head that do not happen in real life, most of the time people are being honest. the imagination of a negative thought is a bad thing.

ur better off trusting what is said to you... also, generally people dont think RIGHT IM GONNA DO THIS then lie about it, they will just avoid the conversation... so if ur bird tells u she was in a party... she probly never done anythin coz she wudda just lied completely to avoid any questions. like I JUST WENT HOME etc


if you say to people

"Its ok I trust you"

people do not wanna betray your trust. you give them a pedestal to keep themselves on. Its mistrust that fuels deceit.

if you can learn to just accept that, what they say is true... until u have a reason not to believe them, you will be fine

and if your ever given a reason not to trust them... fuck them off!

This is gay

Why? .

Cause Knave is uber PUA and said so haha

Jealousy like all other emotions are crucial to the well being of are psyche. It enables us to cherish other emotions as we have a contrast. Without contrast emotions simply wouldn't exist. If your feeling Jealousy a lot, you'd be surprised that this may not be duly to your own fault, but partners actually cox their lovers into feeling a wide variety of emotions, sometimes unconsciously and sometimes purposely. The best thing you can do if you find yourself in a situation were Jealousy is becoming a far too frequent emotion, is to look at the subject with emotional de-attachment. If you can understand the true cause and route of this emotion you can find a way to eradicate or suppress
it.

AJay

bollocks to all this,

YOU HAVE TO FEEL NEGATIVE EMOTION. thats like ex GFs who cried at me for not arguin with them. Jealousy is ok, its how u react to the jealousy thats the issue.

feelng bad emotion isnt crucial! at all im just not havin that

Phil is it not just a natural response to being with a girl for 8 months, that you'll begin to have an emotional stake in her, and therefore from time to time you're going to scrutinise things a little more intensely than you really need too?

I'm sure all guys do it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Neediness comes in various shapes and sizes. We rightly slam it in the field of picking up girls - showing neediness when trying to attract a girl is a one-way ticket to Rejectionville (on the A6, just past Buxton. Twinned with Kiev).

Pick up preaches that you shouldn't show neediness when trying to pick a girl up, because it serves no function. If a girl rejects you, then get over it and try again with a different one. It doesn't matter, and you shouldn't care. Being needy militates against this approach. Understanding you've got nothing to lose is a key plank of developing the skills needed to have success with women.

But, once you've been with the same girl for a little while, then the terms change. You do have something to lose. This increased emotional stake is natural, surely? There's a saying in poker, which goes, 'Don't marry your hand'. That's because amateur poker players will continue to pursue a poor hand simply because they've already put a lot of money into the pot, and feel they have a greater stake in its outcome, no matter how improbably it is they'll triumph. Successful poker players have learned that, regardless of what's been put into a hand, as soon as they're not convinced they'll win it, they'll get out before they end up pushing all their chips in. The key isn't that they do this regularly, but that they have the ability to do it if needed.

And, I guess its the same with girls. Don't marry your hand (and definitely don't marry a girl!). If you're onto a winner, then its cool to push on and put more into the pot. But always know you can walk away at any point.

Sorry, I'm hungover, this is the sort of shit I come out with when in such a state!

im not bein hard on myself mate, i was just writing it for the benefit of recent discussions.

what i realised is being jealous & paranoid and untrusting was a waste of time. doesnt help anythin, they are wasted emotions

i dont think anyone has really got what i was sayin. but this isnt abut me, i think im happy im able to see them for what they are.

just be nice if other guys here can adapt it

Nice post Phil. Very relevant to my weekend. I've had this both sides.

On Friday I pulled a girl and she kept on mentioning this other girl who I'd been flirting with. She came across as needy and jealous. How did I react, it made me fancy the other girl more and I went and pulled her instead (both I work with btw in a small office, awkward Monday coming!!). By pulling I mean just kissing with these 2.

Last night I'm out with girl number 2 and a few others. Some guy who she fancies joins us and she is all over him and not even giving me the tie of day. Difficult situation and nothing I can do to stop it really. I'm understandably jealous, but try not to show it. The guys invite us back to theirs. Now I'm not going to sit there and watch a girl I quite like end up in bed with some dive instructor dude (god how's that for island stereotype), so I excuse myself and leave.

Yeah so girl number 1 did both of these. She is hot and I did previously fancy her, but it killed it for me this. How else could she have reacted though? I was hot on the other girl to be honest and she can't just ignore that. Maybe she should have just said, right he's dicking me about here, I'm just going to have fun with someone else. I would have been more inclined to chase her then most likely.

Me, I didn't really do point a), but I was not acting myself for sure. I was very quiet and anyone with an ounce of social awareness would probably realise upset. I will take this on board though and not question if she fucked him or not. Second point is harder. How can I not act differently? Our rapport previously was based on flirting and mutual attraction. Now, that's lost our social relationship is different. I can't just not see her as I see these people every day, such a small island! I can't ignore her as then I'm reacting to my own jealousy again which is needy. Difficult one, any advice would be appreciated?

Ps I am aware I got a taste of my own medicine a bit here, so maybe deserved this!

its difficult in a small situation like tha.

personally i dont think a tast eof your own medicine applies, if someone acts in a way thats unattractive, then thats their problem & isnt your job to try & keep attracted to them.

regarding her being all over a lad while ur there. That should instantly be a case of

ye i like her... but... not anymore because she clearly isnt a decent girl anyway. unless nothing goin on between u 2 in which case i dont understand how your gettin jealous.

here is the thing, jealousy is gonna pop up in some places.

here is a story

my friend was meeting a girl who he really liked but then she started to become a little whiney bitch

he let her go 2 months ago & recently is starting tosay how he wants to find a bird.

last night she text him "u out" then at 3 am "YOUR SHIT"

then he replied at 8 am when he woke up

"thanks for that, GOOD NIGHT"

which was a clear indicator he was willing to open that as an option again, to which he got these messages

"Ye, Fine" (blunt)

the few mins later

"why did u just fuck me off, you wer my mate and then all of a sudden just left me hight and dry, you wer out of order"

UH OH.... and there it is.... killed it off again in a heart beat.

had she been cool... they would been back on... because time changes perceptions



This is one of the most important lessons ive learned which allows me to just let go of shit like this.

peoples bad feeling about you, or your appearance of weakness disappear after time... and based on how long u drag it on, is how long it takes for it to go.

so if you act in a certain way, and think FUCK i looked daft there... instead of letting it spiral and doin more stupid shit and digging a hole, let it go.

cut the chord for a few days, let other shit pass... then continue as normal. and u get a clean slate.

ive had girls do this to me, make me cringe so bad, then a weeks or months laterr im like, ah she wernt so bad. But at the time was like EEEEWWW CRINGE.

nothin lasts forever, this also applies for appearing bad in somones eyes.

so if yur ever caught out acting weak, just learn that the best way to reclaim that stance of normality, is just give space untill its forgotten.

few days is usually fine for somethin trivial. teaches u also to be willing to walk away from bad stuff