Footnote: Please be warned, this is an extremely self indulgent post. After a long think, I just needed to get some stuff off my chest, and wondered if anybody else might have had similar experiences, or have anything to add. I apologise in advance if I am just rambling or disappearing up my own arse in any way.
It is argued that it's much more preferable to start out as the lover and not the provider and I entirely agree with this. A lover can always transition to a provider later on in a relationship if he so pleases. For a guy who, from the outset, has set himself up in the provider role it is much more complicated, if not impossible to transition to lover.

Indeed, most "beta-male provider types" (if you'll excuse the stereotype) are envious of lovers, with whom women share passionate chemistry. They don't understand it when some broke guy who is recklessly irresponsible and with a bad reputation comes along and, with what appears like relative ease, takes the girl he would like to pamper and provide for.

I have ALWAYS been the lover. The fact that I have never had much money, often none, and lived an Earnest Hemingway lifestyle, reassures me of this fact. Any woman, who is with me is with me for the passion and not the security. And I'm not just talking about financial security either. I've always lived life on the edge and been a wild child.

My past is chequered and I make no secret of this to any of the women or friends that I have. They can either handle it or they can't. As a teenager, I was in kid's homes and always in trouble with the law. Up until just before the millennium I was in and out of jail with drug problems. All this shit got cleaned up and I sorted myself out and went to uni.

They rarely admit it, but I'd say some of my LTRs have been excited by my past or at the very least impressed by the journey that I have taken to make the changes that I have.

I always get in LTRs with girls from really good homes and backgrounds, completely different from my own. Seriously, some of my exes have had millionaire parents; crazy how opposites can attract.

Unfortunately, I probably still have scars from my past and this can cause problems in my relationships, especially when I drink.

During one LTR, I actually stopped drinking for 6 months and was totally chilled out, in control of my emotions, getting my life in order, and starting to make good money.

The lover was starting to show potential as a provider. No wonder that particular girl was head over heals in love with me. But then I started drinking again, fucked another two women (while the relationship was up in the air) and then we split up completely.

I have the unusual advantage of having a rough edge but also being educated, cultured and an avid reader. This gives me access to women who have never met someone like me. All their previous boyfriends have been clean cut.

The flip side is, I find that girls from good homes enjoy having flings with me but then they may bail out when they see that I still haven't really got my shit together. They will sometimes do this, despite their feelings. I've had women tell me that they love me but they just can't handle me, or that they need more stability.

My mate made me laugh once when a girl I'd split up with (my choice this time) started going out with a rich lawyer. He told me, “Ah, she'll be drinking from champagne flutes now... but she'll be thinking about your Nutella jars.”

My American ex girlfriend's mother, whose father is the vice mayor of the town they live in, used to beg her to split up with me, even before she had met me. She used to try and fix her up with rich scientist chodes and lawyers that wanted to marry her. This actually had the adverse effect though and made her want to be with me more :-).

Well guess what? It's been a fun ride and an emotional roller coaster for ALL involved but I'm actually sick of this shit. I need to get myself together so that I have more to offer than great sex and wild times. That way I get to keep the women I desire for as long as I want and not just for brief affairs.

Some people might say, “Dude, what the fuck are you complaining about? That's what you want. Fuck em and flee,” but I want to have more control over the situation and one day, if I so choose, be in a place where I can easily settle down with the woman that I adore, get married and have kids, and if it doesn't work out go back to being a PUA ;-).

I know that the main thing that has held me back in life is alcohol. I don't drink everyday, I'm a binge drinker, but one is never enough for me. I often drink to the point of black out and then I am badly organised during the day because I am hungover and lacking energy. It effects my behaviour when I am drunk (obviously) and my mood in the following days.

I've tried abstinence, but I just feel weird being in a bar or club without a drink, plus people nag you to have a drink and it makes you feel alienated. So now I have found another solution. I've started taking a medicine called Naltrexone which blocks the opiate receptors in the brain. The craving for alcohol is caused by endorphin release in the reward centre of our brains. When this is cut off the craving to continue drinking vanishes.

I've been taking it for a week now and have already noticed massive results. On Saturday night I was barely able to finish my second beer. Today, I feel full of energy, constructive, cheerful and in control of my emotions.

I think this is the way for me, because I don't want to cut out drinking completely; I want to be able to go out, have a couple of drinks, and be in total control of my game. I know that if I can fix my drinking issues all the rest will follow, in my social life, my professional life, and most importantly my love life.

Cool man. Sounds like you are on the way to addressing some of the things that have got in the way in your relationships being more fruitful. Are there actually any side effects from this medicine?

Well, it's interesting actually because endorphins are there for a good reason. They reward us for certain behaviours that are beneficial to us, such as sex, excercise etc.

Naltrexone supposedly blocks the endorphin receptors, however, it does not seem to interfere with pleasure in any way. I've had sex on Naltrexone and it was exactlly the same. I also went running and still experienced the same runner's high.

The cool thing about it is that I don't have to take them every day. I just take one, one hour before I know I'm going to be drinking. It's a weird feeling dude, the alcohol is just the same, you can even get drunk if you want to, but there is just no urge to continue.

It's so easy to just have one beer and go home if you want. Seriously, I've hardly ever been able to do that before. I used to continue drinking on my own at home if there was no one else about. Even when I f-closed, I often used to go and grab a celebratory beer from the fridge straight after, or nip to the bar if the bird fell asleep.

I've been wanting to get on top of this problem for ages.

So, no side effects that I can report so far. They've been treating alcoholics with this program since the 90s with something like an 80% success rate. Sinclair Method - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thats a serious problem you have there but you don't need me to tell you this.

I gotta say thats fairly brave admitting all that on a public forum.

I had to re-read twice, how the hell do you function?

If I'm pissed there is no way the girl is getting action if you catch my drift

I have an inordinately high testosterone level, so apart from a few anxiety issues in the past, performance has never been a problem. I do prefer sex sobre though. I also prefer sex in LTRs as it just keeps getting better and better with a person that you like. One night stands are so hit and miss.

What about Open Relationships and fuck buddies??

I suppose that's good too. They nearly always get complicated though; at least one of the two invariably falls in love.

I'd say it's rare that women can orgasm from a one night stand. They are just not relaxed enough yet. But once I've slept with a woman a few times she'll be coming 3 times before I do.

Brave post mate, I'll admit I'm similar with the drinking. It's hampered me in some ways but sent me on some bizarre adventures that would not of happened at the same time.

I realised that it was a bit of a problem about a year ago and it messed with my head a lot as it was a big part of my identity, social life, puts me in state massively and results in me getting laid a lot. I found myself not really enjoying getting drunk any more but still binging when I was out (which meant I wasn't getting girls), my hangovers getting worst and feeling a sick of it all. I'm a mature student so drinking is kinda hard to escape in my social scene.

So I took a big break from it and went t-total for about 4 months started being honest with myself, which lead me too getting into PU. PU actually got me back into drinking again, but I enjoy it now, try and minimise what I drink (never do shots and only drink bottles) and get girls again also am more positive when hungover.

I tend to only go out drinking once a week, but am progressing towards not drinking at all and going out more regularly. Have tried sober nights before and I find it easier than only going for one or two pints, but uni pressure to drink is ridiculous and the drunken energy is hard to match sober.

It's because you have little substance - if you had substance, you would have meaningful relationships. I still get the impression you're giving us the wind-up somewhat in terms of your background, too.

Oh, I see...