What to actually talk about with girls?

[Zix]

Ok basically I have learnt many techniques about how to say things etc but I get stuck on what to actually say to girls and what to talk about and are often worried about boring them etc. It's been the same for a few years actually with anybody, I end up not being able to talk to basically anyone for longer than a few conversations without running out of things to say and it is seriously effecting my life. What am I doing wrong? I mean i'd just love and give almost anything to be able to talk to people and have great conversations for months and years.

Thanks for any help people, I really do appreciate it.

[BCB]

Everyone loves talking about one thing, themselves. As questions and relate. For example

So, what do you do?
- she responds
How did you get into that, what's the story?
- she responds
Is that similar what to your parents do?
- she responds

If you're asking questions and are genuinely interested she'll generally be positively responsive.

That said, a lot of time it depends on the time and place. If I'm in the gym, I'll talk about gym stuff. If I've just played a gig I'll talk about music. If I'm in a bar I'll talk about plans for the night.

Find a wing and improv conversations. We used to do it when I worked in sales and it massively helps you think on your feet.

[nova]

Originally Posted by Zix

I get stuck on what to actually say to girls and what to talk about and are often worried about boring them etc. It's been the same for a few years actually with anybody

Not that I'm a PUA hater (as some have suggested) but your problem runs deeper than the techniques and lines you employ. There is no subject or paragraph of lines we can suggest that will solve your problem.

You need to start working on your 'inner game' and towards a goal of being unashamed of who you are and what you enjoy. This way, you can not only ask them about themselves, but talk about yourself and the things you like with a passion that will make the conversation more enjoyable for the both of you.

[Zix]

Originally Posted by nova

Not that I'm a PUA hater (as some have suggested) but your problem runs deeper than the techniques and lines you employ. There is no subject or paragraph of lines we can suggest that will solve your problem.

You need to start working on your 'inner game' and towards a goal of being unashamed of who you are and what you enjoy. This way, you can not only ask them about themselves, but talk about yourself and the things you like with a passion that will make the conversation more enjoyable for the both of you.

I agree to an extent, my inner game has improved loads though and I am nearly secure in myself as a person. Part of the problem I think was I wouldn't give long answers so the chat ground to a halt. I'd just like reply if people asked me questions with something really short (i was really shy) so there was nothing to like talk abouit from that. Also I didn't really have any hobbies but I am getting some so that's improving, I just wanted more sort of ways to improve this but thanks anyway!

Originally Posted by BCB

Everyone loves talking about one thing, themselves. As questions and relate. For example

So, what do you do?
- she responds
How did you get into that, what's the story?
- she responds
Is that similar what to your parents do?
- she responds

If you're asking questions and are genuinely interested she'll generally be positively responsive.

That said, a lot of time it depends on the time and place. If I'm in the gym, I'll talk about gym stuff. If I've just played a gig I'll talk about music. If I'm in a bar I'll talk about plans for the night.

Find a wing and improv conversations. We used to do it when I worked in sales and it massively helps you think on your feet.

Thanks, that's great! Can you give me advice on having more genuinkly interesting questions and not sounding like a job interview lol

[Rabbid]

Just asking her questions and asking about her yes shows your interested but also means your not giving her any value.

You're just taking value from her. You need to be able to intergrate stories about things you've done in your life which might relate in some way to a situation or conversation so you can demonstraight your value.

Conversation is value exchange, I got this girl who talks to me on MSN all the time but she doesn't have anything to say about herself usually just asks me how I am what I'm up to etc, yet I get so fed up of talking to her because there is no value back from her so I stop giving value to her.

You need to come up with things about you, sit down brain storm. Make a spider diagram like you did in school or just a list of things about you and events that define who you are, not always big things just little things as well. Stories that you can tell about your life that shows value.

Don't script them, maybe bullet point things you want include but don't go resiting scripts. Just try keep the topics in mind so when conversation goes you can naturally pick one off this list.

What would also be great if you can demonstaight high value in the stories, such as:

• You have been a provider

• You have been a protector

• You have been a leader

• Your social proof

• You're already liked by girls

It's all well and good saying "I've got a good job" but thats just bragging". If you can say "At work this mad thing happened, (I work as a...) anyway we we're doing such and such when this major problem happened so I took charge and did...blah blah blah". See you're demonstraighting it not just saying it.

If you don't have thing in your life, then start living an interesting life so you can talk about it.

[BCB]

It's not about what you say, but more about how you say it a lot of the time. Remember that 90% of communication isn't the words that come out of your mouth.

Was speaking with monkeybuster about this the other day and we realised that you never really ask your friends questions. You just talk, debate, discuss, flow. In essence you're trying to learn to be just as comfortable talking to a stranger (whether female or male) as you are chatting with your best friends.

As with all PUA, practice makes perfect but I think that in order to sound genuinely interested, you actually have to BE genuinely interested.

For me, I have a varied and very interesting back story how I've come to be where I am in my life now and can literally drag that out for a hour if I wanted to (not that I ever would). Everyone's done something interesting and worthwhile that demonstrates higher value though, so figure what yours is, and whilst you're asking questions try and lead towards that subject so that you can tell your interesting bit too. You need to be both interesting as well as interested in order to hold conversational attention fully.

Also don't be afraid to blow your own horn every now and again. It's shows that you're proud and comfortable with what you've done in life. Just try not to slip into self-conceited cockyness.

That help at all?

[BCB]

@rabbid

We appear to have constructed almost identical posts at the same time there. I agree on all points

[nova]

Originally Posted by Zix

Part of the problem I think was I wouldn't give long answers so the chat ground to a halt

I think you should work on becoming more chatty in these situations. This might involve warming up with some light conversations with the barman, or the girl in the shop before you head to the bars.

Originally Posted by Zix

Can you give me advice on having more genuinkly interesting questions and not sounding like a job interview lol

To prevent it becoming like an interview you might want to engage in the conversation more, as oppposed to short answers and statements.
Perhaps start pushing yourself more to make your part of the conversation longer than you usually do. See how far you can push it and where it leads.

[whistleblower]

I used to have the same problem. I suppose all the inner game stuff has taken effect on me. These days if I am talking to someone and the conversation is running dry I dont blame myself, I presume it is because the person I am talking to is boring!

Other than that, the above advice is all I would have to add.

[ambience]

Great posts in this thread guys. Yeah, BCB, with friends its an opportunity to express ourselves like our opinions and what we've been doing. With friends we just feel like we can go into those things without being asked as we know the other person will be interested as we have built rapport from certain things.