Could you possible go into detail about how you got out of being like this, if it is too personal for posting here, please PM me instead. It is very much appreciated, you could really help me brother.

Speak your mind. In full, passionately and with energy and enthusiasm.

You know, if you're saying something you don't really mean, it stands out a mile off. How often do you speak to someone, and you wind up with just this instinctive feeling that they're not quite being straight with you? (Watch Nick Clegg speak, you'll probably have that same feeling )

I think as humans we're programmed to detect when someone is being less than authentic with us. We're programmed to scan someone's demeanour and match it with what they're saying. If the two don't tally, then you're left feeling uncomfortable. Alarm bells start ringing. The person is being inauthentic with you.

The easiest way to get around this is simple: Just say whatever the hell you want to say. Whatever's in your head. Get it out there. Express yourself using your voice, and then prompt her to express herself using her voice. This exchange of expression, when done sincerely, is what builds rapport.

You don't have to have a girl wetting herself with laughter to attract her. Just be yourself, show her who you are. If she feels you're being authentic and sincere with her, then she knows its safe to open herself up to you and return the compliment. That's when you connect with someone.

Speak your undiluted mind with vigour and purpose, and let go of the notion that you need to impress her.

also sometimes comfortable silence is good. you dont have to be the one leading the conversation.

I guess it was a combination of things that has helped me really, no magic pill, this forum being one of them. Real Social Dynamics:The Blueprint Decoded series was helpful. Slightly long winded and boring in parts but stick with it. I also tried out Paul McKenna's Instant Confidence Book/CD (there is a thread on both of these under 'reviews').

This is one of the most important things I've learned in the last year or so. I'm a massive chatterbox, partially because I've got a lot I want to tell people about, partially because I feel compelled to keep a conversation going. The realisation that it's ok to have occasional silence has eradicated the need to keep a conversation plodding along.

Don't worry about not being able to hold a conversation, Zix. It'll come with time - just give yourself a break.

Also, think about how you talk to people who you perceive to be (and there's no nice way of saying this) lower social value than you, because with these people we tend to have the most confidence. A perfect example for me was an acquaintance at uni (he didn't drink or go out so we were never exactly good mates) - I talked about whatever shit I liked and he went along with it. Occasionally I'd prompt him to take control for a bit with open questions, but it was like a dad helping his son ride a bike - ultimately I was the one leading and doing my thing, chilling out. Anywho, we got on great even though he wansn't the most able conversationalist. Like CO said, a conversation is an exchange of value. Failing that, it should be about you giving value. Besides, you're an awesome guy - you've got plenty to spare.

Thanks guys, very helpful

Zix,

having an awareness of ur own self worth is not enough, maybe it is for Kowalski (who (self admittedly) for him it is normal to be a chatter box etc..). but thats just specific to him, for his personality and where he is at.

u may be totally different to him and not be where he is at and so just knowing ur worthy wont be enough.

if ur shit with girls in social interactions u need to get to grips with more than just knowing ur own value...any one whos been in pua for any amount of time knows this. trust me u aint pullin if all u got is a good understanding of ur worth, u need more than that..

knowing ur own self worth does not mean u can build rapport/trust/confidence/kino escalation and all that (useful) shit. dont get me wrong tho knowing ur self worth is essential (for all the reasosns set out in the previous posts) its just not wear the buck stops.

dude some girls can just be hard work, self worth on its own will not magically transform u into the guy shes been looking for.

1 route is to learn about social interactions with girls then go into them work out what principles/behaviours work and what doesnt (neg/push/pull/kino/enthusiasm). u will then develop good reference experiences. u will then be able to work out which usage of principles/behaviours are natural and normal for u. in time maybe all u will need is just an awareness of ur worth but right now it seems like u need to know more than just that.

another route is to just know ur self worth and hope u learn how to be successful with girls via osmosis from accidentally working out what works over a lengthy period of time, within which u may just give up through lack of results, which will also lead to u devaluing ur self worth.

ur choice

sounds like u need to get more of an emotional response from people

try;

1. comment (the cheekier the better)
2. introduction
3. question
roll with it from here as u will have her attention

or

1. comment (the cheekier the better)
2. question
3. introduction
roll with it

attacking the person rather than addressing the point...lame

feel free to respond to the points raised in my post....

thought so hahahahahahahahaaaaaa

love u k!!!!!!