OK well there are some recurring themes here so I'll wade in. Sorry if it cuts a little close to the bone but I mean to help.
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One of the guys was also a perv
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I'm just too scared to escalate in case they think I'm a perv.
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This is you mentally reinforcing the shame and guilt that is driving a lot of your problems. You may have some challenges but you don't have to keep drumming them into yourself.
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I do wonder what the fuck is wrong with women?
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Contradictory, you want to love them but in reality you are frustrated with yourself and blaming them.
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The more you want to attract women (that being important for your esteem...it is for mine)
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This is going to be a problem. People will feel that your self esteem is dependent upon them before you have even opened your mouth, it's a huge turn off for either sex.
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the more you have to be masculine which can best be achieved, ironically, when you are away from women altogether and doing what you want.
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I think the bit about masculinity is a bit confused but the idea that you are more attractive when you are not trying to get something, is healthier.
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But even so I felt some subtext there that there was a knowing look between us. Though i haven't been getting laid I think the women still pick up that I'm not totally clueless about women (like I used to be) and I'm primed for sex even if I'm not getting it yet.
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That's because you are forcing some confident behaviours on top of less confident internal stuff. You are putting out mixed messages in other words.
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I think one fuck from a cold (or warm) approach could change my whole paradigm for the better.
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Just one lay would probably change my whole paradigm. It's breaking that barrier that I'm finding so difficult.
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This is using people as a means to an end, it's not surprising they will feel it and put walls up. Fuck a girl because you like her and she makes you horny, not because she's a piece in the puzzle.