Had a weekend away with some mates. Lot's of drinking and just being guys, taking the piss out of each other playing childish pranks. It was great.

The event we were at was an airshow. One of the guys was also a perv and we spent more time looking at girls and comparing notes than watching the aircraft. He pointed out most women there were either part of a family or had a bloke in tow.

But that said I had a good time and so did my mates. I think I need this kind of experience now and again to realise though I love women they aren't the be all and end all that I sometimes think they are. The more you want to attract women (that being important for your esteem...it is for mine) the more you have to be masculine which can best be achieved, ironically, when you are away from women altogether and doing what you want.

At times there was eye contact with not bad looking birds in pubs who weren't available. But even so I felt some subtext there that there was a knowing look between us. Though i haven't been getting laid I think the women still pick up that I'm not totally clueless about women (like I used to be) and I'm primed for sex even if I'm not getting it yet.

I'm just too scared to escalate in case they think I'm a perv. I think one fuck from a cold (or warm) approach could change my whole paradigm for the better.

I also know I can approach attractive women. I think this helps a lot in that I don't have the fear of approaching or rejection that I used to have which women pick up on immediately and it usually leads to a negative reaction. Neither am I so dependant on an outcome (will she like me?). I can always move on to another one.

I'm just trying to focus in on posing more of a sexual threat with women I find attractive because my biggest problem has been ending up classsed as a friend.Back home tonight in my local bar there were some hot chicks. I got chatting to some and then their boyfriends would appear as always.

It was okay though. I chatted to them we exchanged names I held their hands and kissed them on the cheek. Nothing was going to happen but at least I'm going through the motions now and I'm more relaxed about it. I'm sure they know what I want.

Asked that bulgarian barmaid out that I like. It was her night off and she was drunker than me. She made logical excuses why we couldn't meet up but she doesn't have a boyfriend. Another rejection.

Just one lay would probably change my whole paradigm. It's breaking that barrier that I'm finding so difficult. I've not lost hope completely yet but I do wonder what the fuck is wrong with women?

OK well there are some recurring themes here so I'll wade in. Sorry if it cuts a little close to the bone but I mean to help.

This is you mentally reinforcing the shame and guilt that is driving a lot of your problems. You may have some challenges but you don't have to keep drumming them into yourself.

Contradictory, you want to love them but in reality you are frustrated with yourself and blaming them.

This is going to be a problem. People will feel that your self esteem is dependent upon them before you have even opened your mouth, it's a huge turn off for either sex.

I think the bit about masculinity is a bit confused but the idea that you are more attractive when you are not trying to get something, is healthier.

That's because you are forcing some confident behaviours on top of less confident internal stuff. You are putting out mixed messages in other words.

This is using people as a means to an end, it's not surprising they will feel it and put walls up. Fuck a girl because you like her and she makes you horny, not because she's a piece in the puzzle.

I read an email from Adam Lyons or Sacha or some other pua yesterday who said to drastically cause a change in you, work on the weakest aspect of your game. I think that aspect is sexual escalation, as you said you're scared of coming off a perv, and I know from the past you haven't "pulled the trigger" when needed to. Maybe you should start going out with the sole intention on working on this part of your game.

Yea I think this is spot on dude. My weakest aspect used to be hesitation in making an approach and then it was bailing too soon. Those aspects of my game are a lot better now but I still get anxious and in my head when I know it's slipping away from me because I'm not touching her. I've felt this enough times now to know it's definitely a weakness I have and it shows in my results (flaking and interactions/ dates that go nowhere).

I know the fear probably stems more from a few ocassions where the girl rejected my attempt at escalation and I felt like shit. The 'what if she thinks I'm a perv?' is more like an excuse my mind has come up with to rationalise not going for it. It's just like the irrational excuses guys get about approaching (what if she thinks I'm a wierdo or needy?") but in a different form.

Last night I had a couple of drinks but wasn't pissed. I did have my arm around one girls waist and it felt okay. I already had good rapport with her but it's a start.

Just like I did with approaching and hanging in the interaction longer I need to keep taking baby steps on physical escalation until I become comfortable with doing it early on in an interaction with a girl I've just met.

I've also realised this is a good way to screen out girls who aren't really interested in taking things further because they're either unavailable or not interested. So I can move on to one's who are interested / available instead of chasing lost causes all night, feeding their ego and getting nothing but a short-lived feeling of validation that she liked me.

Why was it bad?

Serendipity needs to act and think more normal. The advice everyone keeps giving him on here. Going out to be more gamey won't help.

Which is something everyone goes through in PUA, everyone's been that gamey twat. There are only three things you can do anyway; approach, socialise, pull. So focusing on a specific weakness doesn't really make any sense.

You two are right, I'm not taking that away. I meant more like if you start touching then you'll get comfortable with it. However saying just that would not get the desired punch needed. We've been trying to explain to Serendipity, to take these opportunities when they do arrive but for some reason it doesn't happen.

From Serendipity's reports it makes him sound super weird and a big over thinker. Like where he says things like knowing she wants him even though some sort of obligation prevents anything from ever happening. However Serendipity is not psychotic nor does he have the potential of becoming psychotic.

Serendipity without being a dick I do believe you have to sort your shit out. Recently you called people out on not taking action then called it bullying when people asked for names. I don't have a word for what you're becoming in the forum as I don't think scapegoat is the correct one. I understand this forum is full of varying characters whom are a dick one day and helpful the next (myself included). However there is some sort of truth in most things people say, except Stonecastle (He's a special snow flake).

Take the advice given to you, or you might as well not be on the forum.

I admire your determination to go out but I get the feeling you have some deeper issues.
Sometimes you say things, which come across as deranged and you laugh them off as a joke. I think you need to explore these and PUA / gaming isn't the right place for it.

I have no shame in admitting to seeing a psychologist last year. This and meditation gave me a lot of self-awareness. I recommend both.

For me this is 'core' stuff and more important than girls.


Mark

Me and serendipity wouldn't get along. We're too similar.