I'd put it in a simpler format if my brain were working correctly. I'm running on dry at the moment as I stupidly pulled an all nighter so I'm just generally trusting whatever I ramble from and to with this as I already know that whatever I say on the subject is decidedly right. There's much less ambiguity and confusion on the topic of what constitutes a healthy relationship versus what creates attraction. Mainly because, in my opinion, besides the genetic qualifiers everything we're attracted to is socially learned (which is the reason society's definition of an attractive person has change so drastically from culture to culture and in such incredibly short periods of time). It's also the reason I disagree with things like looks being an important selector, I don't think socially learned selectors are anywhere near our priority in terms of what attracts us to others, it only makes sense that what is rooted in our biology is likely to take precedent over what we learn socially. Don't get me wrong on that, we certainly have physical genetic selectors in our biology (such as the waist ratios being testable as attractive regardless of size or weight) but I feel that it's likely that we also evolved a complex set of social selectors as part of our genetics too, those able to select the best mates would obviously have better chances of surviving and pass on that ability to better select and so on. I recently watched something on breeding domestic foxes or something that showed that absolutely drastic genetic traits can be changed within just a few generations of selected changes. It makes sense then that those first learned genetic social selectors could expand into a very wide variety of possibilities based on geographical necessity or in fact social necessity when ridiculous sexuality and inhibitive laws are enforced upon people. Mix that up with the huge amount of inter geographic breeding that occurred when we became massively explorative(it is a word shut up dictionary) and travel became easier. This would create a huge melting pot of worldwide differences and genetic social selectors that are potentially different for everyone while having an underpinning of universal genetic selectors. This would explain the ridiculousness of claiming there's an arbitrary method towards attracting everyone but also explain why there are various things that can be generalised as things that are (almost) universals.

That's my current train of thought that has absolutely nothing to do with this thread anyway. It's still brewing and incomplete right now.

I have now rambled so much I feel like I'm gazing into the mind of Charlie Sheen.

I'll maybe bullet pointy things up tomorrow and neaten the earlier the earlier posts into something written up tomorrow, when my brain is functioning coherently.

Jay, learn the art of brevity, your hiding the good stuff amongst alot of guff.

That's nothing to do with communication or balance, domination and submission in the bedroom is entirely different to in a relationship. Two people can play dominative and submissive roles sexually but treat each other as equals with balance outside of the bedroom.

Don't have balance and you WILL have problems, at some point the other person will either get tired of you constantly passing off control and important decisions to them or they will get tired of you not allowing them control or freedom.

What goes on in the bedroom should not reflect what goes on in a relationship. I've known girls that enjoy various forms of somewhat extreme role-play. Does that mean I should act like that outside the bedroom with them? NO.

That said, balance in the bedroom is important too. Girls love it when you throw them about like that because of the validation received in feeling wanted THAT much. However being like that all the time is going to get stale, the majority of people that enjoy being at the end of one extreme also enjoy being on the other side of the fence just as much by pushing their man around. People that enjoy being tied up and blindfolded enjoy tying the other person up and blindfolding them. Etc etc etc.

Personally - relationships aside finding someone on your same level sexually is difficult, I tend to have very few limits, when you do find somone like yourself tho sparks fly big time and you feed off each other

relationship wise ive found personally and through others relationships (long ones)
often the case is that one person wants the relationship more than the other--and therfore the other one becomes the dominant one.

I think sexuality can be nurtured and don't see a big issue with it. Most people want to make their partners happy and I think many things in the bedroom can be enjoyed by most people once their perceptions or pre-judgements are broken down.

Progressing slowly is necessary with those that aren't on the same level but most people are willing to explore provided they're enjoying it at the same time. All of it really ties into the trust, honesty and communication thing really. Problems many people have with certain bedroom things tend to stem from either fear, misconceptions or both. The easiest example here is anal which is neither painful nor dirty, the anal cavity is empty and only fills when someone is ready to go to the bathroom. Pain shouldn't be a factor whatsoever even for a first timer, ever so slight discomfort but taken slow it should quickly disappear. Easing in with talk, understanding and a progressive direction tends to overcome issues many have. There's a tonne of nerves in the region and play is quite pleasurable, provided someone is enjoying themselves nobody stops, provided discussion has previously occurred (not necessarily as a plan for that particular time in the bedroom though) and they know it's not going to go further, on that occasion, etc etc.

The same discussion, testing and gradual progression tends to work on almost anything. The earliest most important things are always a little bit of sub/dom play, blindfolds and tied up are an easy light introduction.

The hardest part of everything is having the discussions in the first place, it requires a great deal of trust to talk to a partner about various sexual fetishes because of the judgemental issues that arise from it. Both from partners and the possibility of that partner spreading things about with a negative tone should the relationship go south.

I never thought id hear Jay talking about anal

Jay im aroused, have you got an statistics on anal play?

Off the top of my head I think it was about 50% of heterosexuals participate in anal sexual play at least once(more men than women though indicating homosexual exploration) and 70% of those all reported being in exclusive monogamous relationships when it occurred. Unsurprising given it takes significant trust really.

No idea what the figures on pegging are, I'm not aware of any study having been done.

wtf is pegging?

maybe going off on a tangent craig, but ive been with mine 4 months now, and in all honesty shes starting to fuck me off a bit, maybe coming to a end..So ive called up my wings up in luton and will start gaming again this week, as i want something on the side..call me a cunt, but im getting the about to get dumped vibes... so id rather do it sooner than later

In the 4 months, I slacked off game for a bit,but miss it terrbily, and the mates ive made from it. However ive really enjoyed being back in a relationship which is why I got in game in the first place...

On a side note I was in Asda today with her and saw a girl I numbered closed and never heard back from, and another chick i k closed in novemeber... Had I been on my own I would of ran after them.

Also have been reading the game again, right in front of her, shes clueless to it, has no idea what the book is about and has no idea about "gaming"

Im off all this week, so if anyone wants to meet for a beer in London or Luton let me know...

happy hunting

steve

Pegging is heterosexual male receiving.

If you're not happy in the relationship and don't see reconciliation as an option then just end it before you start elsewhere. A different attitude from someone could be down to any number of countless things they might not have told you about yet for whatever personal reasons. I knew a guy who did the same thing for the same reasons, it turned out she'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Smooth.