Hate to admit that i'm still struggling big time!
I'm thinking I might need some mdma or something to kick me into life!

I saw this really hot girl in the beer garden of a pub and she actually opened me and asked me where was good to go around here. I told her and then asked where she was from. She told me - it's a town just like 20 minute away. I told her that I used to go there and we spoke very briefly about a few of the bars/clubs there. There was a bit of silence shortly after. I tried to not 'force' anything but then she just said 'Anyway, see you later'' and went back into the bar

I then saw her later in a different bar - and some guy approached her and she was laughing and joking with him within about 30 seconds and I thought ''how the fuck did he do that? what did he say!?'' I was honestly thinking about waiting for them to stop talking and then approaching HIM and asking for tips!

I then saw the same girl hovering near the bar but near the bit where people dance in the little dancefloor area. I approached her and said ''So are you glad you decided to get out of *her town* for the night?'' and she just gave me a tiny smile as if to let me know that she had heard me, but then just ignored me and turned her back on me. Ouch. She had been friendly earlier, but now seemed kind of hostile.


Then I saw a another girl who had on an interesting pair of boots and was sitting down at a table.
I said, 'Hi, I like your boots. They make you look a bit like a gladiator! ' She laughed and said 'thanks'. Then I asked her How's her night was going? She said 'ok'
I said 'what brings you out?'
She said 'just the weekend'. I said , 'yeah, i've not had a sober weekend in like 5 years'/ She laughed and said 'me too'
Then I said 'who are you here with?'
her: Just these two *points at her friends closeby*
I said 'hi' to her friends and gave them high fives.
Now, at this point, I just ran out of things to say. I tried to remain relaxed and not let the silence make me uncomfortable and thought maybe she's step up to the plat, but as always the case, she just sat there in silence too, occasionally glancing at her phone. Told her I had to get back to my friends and ejected. In hindsight I guess I could have asked her about her work/hobbies(?), but I just feel as though people don't want to talk about work on nights out? And I feel as though i'm missing some sort of ingredient/skill other people have where they can sort of talk about nothing at all.

Then I saw a girl on the dance floor. A bit later now and I was a little bit drunk. I don't remember exactly how that conversation went. But I definitely couldn't keep her interest. I guess since it was on the dancefloor (even though it was just a bar and not a club so not exactly a rave!) then talking is a bit of a waste of time anyway?

I don't know. I kind of feel as though it's something that 'practice' can't fix, which is what frustrates me. A bit like trying to learn the guitar via 'practice' without ever learning chord structures or something.


I just thank God that I somehow managed to lose my virginity when I was younger and won't die a virgin! I can't tell you how unlikely it feels in my head that I will 'pull' someone again! lol

I just can't seem to make a connection/carry a conversation (with strangers)

And all of my friends (at least the ones who I go out with who aren't settled down with wives etc) are just as lame as me with girls which doesn't help as I imagine i'm maybe someone who could learn from seeing, but they don't care about pulling and have accepted their fate when it comes to girls. I haven't!

If you ask anyone who started off shit at this and got good, they'll tell you it's pretty much all practise. There's no equivalent to music theory or chord shapes here. What you're practising is basically self assurance and social acuity. That all autocorrects after enough hammering away at it.

Guitar isn't actually a bad analogy. I taught guitar for years, and regardless of how much theory or chord shapes or scales you know, the only real variable that makes a difference is consistent practise over time. Even then, for the first year you'll pretty much still suck even if you practise. Same deal with pickup. It's the people who can put up with sucking at it, and still consistently go out for a long period of time that get better. That's the rub.



Having said that..

It couldn't hurt to actually find a few people with decent game to head out with, as hard as that often is. Where abouts you living?

Went to a different town last night with some friends.

I was feeling a bit down/hopeless after reading a big post about 'inner game' that implied that unless you have an amazing job in a field that you love where getting up for work in the morning makes you smile from ear to ear, you'll suck with girls. Still, after a few beers, i'd forgotten about it but decided to forget about girls for the night and just enjoy my friends company.

We went to a bar and my friend kept insisting that it was a gay bar and that all of the guys in there were checking him out! (it obviously wasn't) He wouldn't shut up, so I said to him ''Fine! I'll ask someone!'' I looked around and there were 2 girls sitting at a table.

I went over and smiled and said ''Hey, guys! Quick question for ya....Is this a gay bar?!'' They both laughed and were really receptive which took me by surprise. Probably a friendlier town than my home town where I usually drink, but also having a genuine opener probably made me feel more confident as opposed to just going over to them and being like ''Hey, what's up? what do yuo do? bla bla bla''

We spoke for a good 20 minutes and I was holding strong eye contact. I was being kind of flirty and I made her laugh a few times. I tried to do some light kino a few times. The first time when I just touched her arm, she looked slightly taken back and kind of looked at her own arm, so I waited a while before doing it again. Didn't want to creep her out.

She was like 25. Her friend was just 18 and had a really pretty face, although was a little chubby (baby fat!)

My friend turned up and chatted to the other one. It was actually going surprisingly well (first interaction i s MONTHS where they were actually asking me lots of questions and opposed to the other way around), but then my friend decided he wanted to leave them and get back to our friends, so I decided to leave them, too. I told her where we'd be later and that was that. Also thought it might be good to 'eave on a high' a they say in some pickup books i've read. And it was still kind of early.

Then went to a different bar. Got talking to 2 sisters. One was crazy hot and just 18. I love young girls!!! They were friendly enough, but I don't think they were interested. Shame.

Then we went to a little club. At this point I don't remember a great deal, but I was approaching lots of girls. I've learnt that when there's music, even if it's not an actual 'club' atmosphere, talking much is kind of pointless and it's all about touch. I grabbed a few girls and was being playful.

Then some girl started grinding herself on my really fast/ I turned her around and picked her up so she was facing me and kind of straddling me. She was very hot but she was just being a tease/flirt. I tried to kiss her. Rejected. But I acted like I didn't care, and then she kept coming back to me and grinding me again. Again I think I tried to ksis her at some point and I think again she kind of turned her head.

Then I saw another girl. I can't exactly remember quite how it happened, but we were kissing for a while. But she didn't seem THAT into me? As if she felt that it was too soon. Like she seemed a bit shy and was the first one to pull away each time. Then someone came over to me and told me that most of my friends had been thrown out of the club and that we had to go so that we could share a cab home.

During that time, the girl from the first bar ('gay bar') came in and was talking to my friend, but apparently she saw me kissing the other girl and told my friend that she was now not interested as she thought I was a 'player'. haha. A 'player'! Players get laid! I don't! Smile

I got the kissing girls number but it seems flakey, plus it's a bit far away anyway.

If she gives you one word answers better to give her strong non-verbals and show her you are comfortable with the pauses. She is testing your balls to be outcome independent and not care how the interaction goes. You clearly care about the interaction, practice not caring, practice being okay "fucking up" and find amusement in that. Find the whole thing amusing and she will give you something, if she does not she is probably waiting for her boyfriend or friends and doesn't want to be seen with a random guy (nothing personal to you).

Hope this helps

also great work on here externalising your insecurities, when you externalise (say to others) it no longer holds power over you, the more you can do it the better. I would also say be more persistent (remember the 4 times rule) and when she turns her head try gently grabbing the side of her face and moving it back to your lips while you laugh/smile. Girls love dominance combined with fun.

Thanks.

I've not posted in this thread in a little while. I've still been approaching when I can. A mixture of ups and downs, still.

All of my general sticking points seem to have remained (too many instant rejections/awkward reactions after I open (where she seems shocked/scared at being approached by a STRANGER no matter how friendly I try to be), conversation running dry, being 'in my head', unsure of how much intent to show as conflicted between 'act aloof and make HER chase VS be bold and show your intentions) as well as a few other issues.

Some nights i'll go out and feel good about some positive interactions and think I might be improving, and then the next night, it'll be carnage and i'll feel like the most socially inept person known to man!!

I don't know how many approaches it's been now but I'd guess it'll be pushing 500 by the time the new year rolls around - Would have hoped for more joy but it is what it is.

The thought of ever pulling from a cold approach again is feeling like a REAL impossibility, but I don't intend to quit any time soon!

If I can get laid even once next year, it'll be a successful year! I'm hoping to go on a short holiday or two next year, which could possibly increase my odds, but I won't hold my breath! I'm almost scared of going to a 'party destination' where apparently ''you can't not get laid!!'', because I know that failure will really tip me over the edge!! haha

Even though there's been about 50 approaches since my last update, i'll give a few recent approaches
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Saw a cute girl sitting by herself. Told my brother I was gonna approach her but he tried to talk me out of it, saying she probably didn't want to be appraoched. I ignored him and just sat down next to her and said ''Sorry i'm late! traffic was really bad! Still, i'm here now. Yu ok?'' (same opener I used on my one and only ever same night lay)
Again it went down fairly well.

We chatted for a few minutes and then her friend came back from the bar. I introduced myself to her friend and pretended that the girl I approached was my girlfriend. Both girls were friendly to me. Then my bro and his friend sat down with us. My bro talked to the girls friend and the other guy more or less just sat there being quiet.

At on point when I commented on the girls drink she asked me if I wanted to try it. (don't know if that qualifies as an IOI or not!)
After that, we spoke about tinder and she pretended that we were in a real life tinder now and pretended to 'like' me on it.

I asked her a few questions about herself but maybe came across as TOO interested in hindsight?

Soon after my bro and his friends wanted to leave. I could have maybe asked for her number but they weren't interested in joining us at the next bar we were going to, so I just said goodbye and left in the end.

In the next bar I opened a blonde girl with ''Hey, you look Swedish''. This sort of opener seems to work for people in touristy destinations on RSD vids, but everytime I try it, I get a weird reaction. This was no different. She gave me a weird look and then sarcastically said ''Yeah, i'm swedish!'' and then walked away like i'd insulted her, lol.

Saw another girl soon after but couldn't think of an opener. The situation/her clothes etc didn't give me anything.

Then I hit the mini dancefloor. Made eye contact with a girl and motioned her towards me, but she didn't want too and gave me a look as if I was weird for thinking that I had a chance with her. Kind of scrunched her face up and looked me up and down if that makes sense.

Then another girl started backing her ass into me, but I felt a bit dejected from the previous girl and so didn't have the courage to just grab her by the hips from behind which is what most guys seem to do. Is that the correct move when a girl does that??

Had a few more beers to get some more courage.

Opened 2 tiny little Asian girls. The uglier one had a husband but was super friendly with me. The hot one was as quiet as shit and I couldn't get her to smile or talk, really. Spent a fair bit of time dancing with them though, and joking around with the uglier one

Then the hot girl from earlier started dancing really close to me. But didn't want to get blown out twice by the same girl so ignored her (at the same time, hoping that playing 'hard to get'/aloof/ignoring her would make her chase me. It didn't)

Then 2 girls cam up to me whilst I was dancing and asked me to protect them from some weird guy who was creeping around the dancefloor who apparently wouldn't leave them alone. I kind of put my arms around them and we joked around for a few minutes

Then at the end of the night I somehow found myself hugging some tall girl. She was kinoing me back, And then she started telling me how hot the bouncer was! Not sure if that was some sort of shit test, or whether she simply fancied the bouncer and wasn't interested in me. I just laughed it off and agreed that he was cute! Then shortly after I tried to pull her away from her friend to see if i could get a makeout with her, but she was a it reticent (although allowed me to move her partially the way there) and then her friend called her over and they both left.

the end.

----------------------------------

another night

Opened a girl at the bar after ordering my drinks. She wasn't particularly attractive but she was young. I said ''That's a very Christmassy cardigan!''. She smiled and told me that some guy has just given it to her. I felt as though that was probably a really good 'hook' she had given me to say something funny/interesting/tease her or whatever, but my brain just couldn't function, and so I replied with something boring like ''that was nice of him''. We had a small chat but there were a few silences. I feel as though it was a mixture of me not being physically attracted to her enough to try harder to make conversation and just generally being unable to think of much to say. However, for the first time in about 400 approaches, SHE kept filling in the silences. She was nice. After a few minutes I left her and joined my friends.

Then went to a different bar and fell a bit in love with the new bar girl. She had braces and glasses and a tattoos and a gorgeous face! So cute. But from what I read it's generally not a good idea to try to game girls that are working since they're paid to be nice to you? And if i flirt and it all goes wrong and she rejects me, it makes it awkward in the future since it's one of my regular bars. I just made a bit of small talk with her whilst ordering my drink.

Then went to a different bar for a bit of a dance.

I first approached some girl and roleplayed with her a bit. I touched her a bit. She wasn't actually that hot, though. It kind of fizzled out.

Then I got speaking to this massive Dutch guy. I asked him about the hot girl he was with and he said ''I met her earlier. She's travelling, too. She's single. Go for it!'' and he kind of introduced me. However, she was COMPLETELY not in to me. After I smiled and said like ''Hey. How's you're night going?'', She pretended that she coudn't speak English! So I obviously gave up.

Approached about 5 more girls at different times on the dance floor. Some when they kind of backed into me so i'd grab their hips, but then they'd kind of run away. Some i'd try the 'hand of God' type thing, but they wouldn't want to dance with me.

Then near the end there was a girl who my friend described as 'the hottest girl he'd ever seen'. She looked lie Mila Kunis when she was like 20. I wanted to approach her for the sake of it, but she was dancing in a little circle with her friends. It's not as if she was in the centre, bumping into guys. It was like they didn't want to be bothered as a group. Kind of isolated in the corner dancing by themselves. I couldn't think of an opener or anything anyway, so I didn't approach her.

Then I somehow got speaking to the forreign girl from earlier. I guess she's loosened up now, maybe from the alcohol? I called her out on pretending to not speak English. I asked her in a playful way ''Why do you hate me?'' (RSDMax uses that line a lot). We had a little chat, but i figured that any girl who would pretend to not speak English to avoid speaking to me probably doesn't tihnk i'm physically attractive, so i'd kind of be wasting my time, and ejected soon after.

Also tried to run some social circle game as my friends girlfriend was out with her friends and had joined us at this point. No luck, though.


---------------------------------

Another:

Made some approaches, but just couldn't really get much past the opening as the girls just didn't seem interested in talking to strangers. I also nearly got attacked by some HUGE guy who got aggressive with me for saying 'hi' too his girlfriend. I didn't know she was with anyone. Was on her own at the bar. He was about 6ft 6 and seemed a bit mentally unstable! He was DEFINITELY close to headbutting me. I could literally feel it. I know them kind of people where I live. Luckily people stepped in and diffused it all, otherwise i'd have my head caved in! lol

One other thing I would say to avoid the "shocked" reaction from cold approaching a girl is a statement of empathy e.g. "I know this is a bit out there but I just thought X about you" then immediately make statement "you seem like you really enjoy life, are always smiling and having fun". Then she will give you something that you can word associate from e.g. "I'm not always smiling buy yea I try", then you can say "I'm the same, sometimes I get a bit impatient with things too (commonality)..so what do you do with yourself when your not smiling and being happy?" Etc etc

Appreciate the fact that some people will be shocked when you approach, give them some leeway and calibrate with SoE accordingly.

NEW YEARS EVE
////////////////


First bar. I see a the hot bar girl who I actually once kissed on a night out briefly, She's wearing a hot outfit as it's some sort og 'theme night' at teh bar. I say ''That is SOME outfit!''. She gives me a weird look and ignores me! I'm in shock. Why couldn't she be friendly and banter?

We then go to a bar with a dance floor. Order some beers and hit the floor!

I'm nervous and i'm with 2 guys who NEVER approach! I dance near 2 hot girls and make eye contact and wave at them. They smile and wave back. Good. I put my arm on one's shoulder and say ''Hey! You're cute. Who are you?!'' She says ''Kelly!!''. Then she says ''what's your name?''. I said ''I can't tell you?''. She says ''why?!!!''. I say ''because, if i put a baby inside you and you have my name, you'll be able to find me and make me pay child maintentance!!''. Her reaction is one of shock. She laughed for a SPLIT second, and then puts her hand in my face and turns her back to me, and I see her tell her friend what I said!. Before you tell me off and say that was a bad line, I got a brillliant reaction from taht same line recently. You never know what is right or wrong, because every girl is different! Whatever. I thought it was funny! I was told to not adapt my humour and to 'self amuse'!

Soon after, my friend tells me that teh same girl I upset is looking at me and dancing near me, but i fell too anxiuos ton flirt with her now, after seeing her reaction!

I now approac some hot girl and tell her that she has the smalleest feet in the workd!. She did. She also laughed and we spoke brielfy. She was from Hungary. Pretty.

It fizzled out. But about 5 minutes after, IO see her again, and give her my hand. She rejects me, OUCH!. fELT Bad. And then, some other girl, acting like her body guard, tells me her friend is not interested. Feeling quite low now, but determined to perseverere.

I go to get a beer and approach 2 girls at teh bar. I couldn't think of a clever opener or anything. I just said 'Hey!!''. I asked how their night was going. Then guessed what they did for a job. They tell me they are air hostesses. I stuggled a bit to keep the conversation going. All of teh 'practice' in the world doesn't seem to help with being bad at making conversation. Anyway, I tell them to come and find me on the dancefloor.

I approach another hot girl and she gives me a horrible gesture. Kind of puts her hand in front of her eyes and looks disguested as if to say ''Please!! You are not in my league''

So now I see some chineses lady. She's old. About 55! But she is dancing with lots of attractive girls. She grabas me and asks me which of her friends i like as if she is some sort of madama at awhore house. I point at one. SHe grabs the girl and pushes her towares me.

I start flirting with this pretty girl. She is Hungarian. Soon we are kissin on the dance floor. Theh I move her away and finger her and play with her tits. Then she tells me she has to to and find her sister.

Then I bump into the 2 British air hostesses from earlier. They grab me and we talk. Dance a little.

Then the Hungarian I kissed comes back, and we make out heavily again in front of the air hostesses, which I guess ruined any shot I had with either of them.

Then I see one of the hot air hostesses who seemed to be being friendly towards me making out with some guy. Forget about them two now.

Now the Hungarian girl I kissed is grinding up against some big bald guy, but not kissing him. I think he was just a friend in their group. I spot another girl and grab her and tell her I like her. She is yet another Hungarian girl. I run some game on her. Ask her all kind of shit about her life and tease her and stuff. I kino her and she, for once in my life, is blatantly kinoing me back! She likes me and basically tells me so, but She tells me that she saw me kissing her teenage friend! (I haId no idea she was so young. I'm old, dont forget!). I said ''No, no , no. she kissed ME!!'' and laughed it off.

We come close to kissing a few times, but she tells me that MOST Hungarian girls don't just kiss random guys, and it takes a few dates before you get sex and that she's only ever had one 'one-night-stand' and that she's 29, but she was also being very touchy feely. She initiated kino a fewq times. She told me she had to go as all her friends were leaving. She kissed my neck and pecked me lips but refused to makeout despite seemingly wanting too. i got her number

Then, as I was leaving, I saw some girl on the dancefloor. I thought 'fuck it'. I just grabbed her and said ''You are cute!''. She said ''thanks!!!''. Then i Pulled her towards me. She didnt' resists. Then I just started making out with her. Then I left her as my brother was being thrown out of the club and I needed to back him up in case things kicked off

The end.

Not sure what to make of it. Making out with 3 girls, 2 of which were hot Hungarian girls is good. But I feel as though it was just a mixture of luck/dancefloor game/ and the crazy chinese girl who kind of enabled it. I'm mainly thinking about eh harsh rejections I got, but maybe that's just my state of mind. It was a great night although I don't tihnk it shows muxh in the way of 'improvement' in terms of 'game'


Going over it all in my head now.

I'm finding myself thinking about the rejections as opposed to the 'successes'. Working out if I done anything 'wrong' that I can actually learn from, or whether it was just a matter of the girls who rejected me wouldn't have been receptive to me no matter what my approach. 'No girls' as Mark Manson might say.

Other thoughts surround the Hungarian girl I made out with (and a bit more!) I felt as though to give myself a shot at taking her home, I had to build some sort of comfort and rapport, but she didn't really want to talk. Everytime i asked her a question, she just wanted to kiss! I managed to isolate her, but again, she didn't seem interested in talking. Not sure what the solution is there. I know it's common for girls to kiss guys, but not sleep with them, and I guess it's usually down too a lack of really knowing much about the other person, but with her, it felt impossible to break that barrier.

Also thinking about the air hostess girls. I think they were receptive, but that my general conversation skills let me down. It seems that i'm unable to really improve much in that area despite my best efforts and practice. Like it's an innate gift I don't have. I sometimes think of better responses and more interesting questions the next day, but it's too late by then - Little things like even finding out about her job as an air hostess. There's probably interesting questions I could have asked based on that, but nothing sprung to mind. My other mistake was not physically escalating with them much after they grabbed me on the dancefloor. Or even verbally. Just telling her that she is hot and then see what her reaction is like would have been better than just small talk, and then just dancing near them


edit:

OK, new memories are creeping in. Nothing much to write about, but I like to 'put it all out there' so that I can refer back to it.

I made an approach on a gorgeous gorgeous girl who was sitting down as I came back from teh rest room. She seemed to be in a group, but isolate - on the outskirts. She yawned.

I approached her and asked if she was bored. She smiled but didn't really reply. There were a couple of guys in the group and I felt them looking at me. I nearly got attacked for merely talking too a girl recently who was wih her boyfriend, so I was maybe a bit weary.

I can't quite remember what I said. I think I asked her who she was with, and possibly told her I thought she was cute. Either way, I wasn't getting much back from her, and I just smield and told her i'd see her around and ejected.

Another memory is from the 2nd Hungarian girl. The one who seemed to like me, but had seen me making out with her friend earlier.

We'd been talking for like 15 minutes and she said something like ''You just want sex for one night''. I said ''What makes you say that?''

She said ''Because you never asked for my name''.

I'm thinking ''Shit....how did I forget to ask for her fucking name!!? I'm an idiot''.

But I tried to reframe it, and I said ''Why would I ask for your name? What is in a name?? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet!''

She cracked up laughing and I kind of passed that little test I think!

Anyway, just wanted to update with that as it made me chuckle a minute ago when I rememebred it

Anyway. Failed to get my 2nd bang of the year.
Goal is to get laid once this year, but not feeling confident AT ALL if i'm honest, but you never know! I'll keep trucking away!

hey there. I'll try.
I just wanted to make sure that I write how the actual conversation went, but I guess I could just be more laconic along the lines of ''Opened girl at bar but fizzled out after a few mins'' kind of thing, as opposed to going through what was actually said and stuff. I think other paragraphs are just my own thoughts on the interactions, but i'll see what I can do!
cheers