I was out at the weekend with several male friends 2 married & 1 engaged, 2 married for 7 & 8 years, the other guy with his other half for 4 years respectively.

A general topic of sex came up, and a couple of them "joked" about how their right hand is their best friend and joked "I'm lucky if I get a ride on my birthday or Xmas". It was all in banter and laughs but I got a strong feeling this wasn't a joke and they were all being serious.

The 2 married guys have 2 & 3 kids respectively ages ranging from 2-6 years old and they are both up on average 6am every day for work & weekends with the kids; the other guy also has a 1 year old and starts work early.

Without grossily thinking about my friends sex lives it made me think: trying to look after 3 kids and being up at that time every morning; when do they even find time to have sex? I've been round him and his wifes house for drinks etc on a weekend and by 10/11pm they are falling asleep on the sofa exhausted ready for bed.

This is in contrast to a girl I work with who's 25, she doesn't live with her bf but moaned to me on a recent night out that they are only doing it around 3 times a week and when they first started going out it was every night, I know a few other younger folks who've said they're at it all the time as well.

So as couples get older, settle into a routine and potentially get married and have children - does that effectively end your sex life? Are my friends being serious and they are probably lucky if they do it a handful of times a month?

I think it's quite a common perception that married with kids means less & less action as time goes on. It becomes a routine where they look forward to Saturday night because they might get to have sex.

The "banter" is banter yes, but most likely true. I wouldn't joke about lack of sex life with my wife if the opposite was true.

They're joking about it, but inside they're dying.

Stand up comedians often make their name by taking their unfulfilled existence as a married man & using it as a foundation for their act.

I'm not sure if I'll ever get married.

I totally get that with kids and early mornings, just finding the time for starters would be pretty difficult. But I also hear a lot of how women just can't be bothered with sex or they are never in the mood once you hit the marriage/kids stage as well.

My friend did look a bit gutted - I remember he told us on his honeymoon how on their first day they ended up going at it about 6 times and he openly admitted he had to tell her to stop because he was shattered and couldn't keep up, 7 years later I guess that's changed days........

It just made me think. If 2 folk are in love and blah blah, would they not still want to get with each other intimiatly and pleasure each other? Or again as time goes on maybe the "love" & feelings toward your other half changes? I get the feeling once marriage and kids come along, the importance & value of sex diminishes a lot - from hearing my friends talk mostly on the females side.

Of course, there are alternative scenarios than not getting any..

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A mate of mine a while back had 4 female friends, all were having affairs.
Met another woman a while back who also had 3 friends doing the same.
This is of course primarily driven by no sex or not being fucked well, and the lack of a feeling of being wanted/desired.
I'd be curious what others think - I think lack of sex or crap sex is quite prevalent for a lot of couples.

Suppose it's probably best to give mediocre sex in the beginning then once you're on your honeymoon give her the good stuff, then do it every so often, so she hopes that the next one will be your a game.

This is exactly what I'm trying to prevent from happening to me!

I look around me and I do see a lot of people, the vast majority in fact, living lives of "quiet desperation" as Thoreau said.

I think that by knowing of all the pain in others married lives is like motivation to keep your marriage happy & fulfilled.

Ive never been married yet (if ever?) But I am confident that if 2 people have a connection & really enjoy each other that you can keep it fresh & exciting.

This would be easier to do if it's just the 2 of you but you could always both move to a new town or country. With kids it'll obviously be more complicated.

I dunno, that's just off the top of my head & it's a personal opinion relative to the fact that I've did the whole moving away for a new life thing.

Not

"Let's talk about our feelings & cry together"

But

"Let's fuck off & experience something new together"