Sup guys!

I have recently split up with my girlfriend of 2 years who I was fully in love with. I couldn't foresee the reasons of the break up it was unexpected. I'm too cool for her to have cheated on me or anything she just wasn't feeling it any more! Ill post more about this on this thread because everyone's advice will help in my recovery process.

To start the thread off I want to ask a question and hope for some helpful responses.

At the moment I'm in the depression stage of having a broken heart. I am out of control visiting bars and pubs way to often and not wanting to talk to anyone. My friends are being very supportive but I just want to be alone and drink or just sleep! I'm a social guy not some depressed goon so why am I behaving like this???

For the guys who have experienced a broken heart and a bad break up... What emotional stages did you go through before you felt like you were in a good place?

Hate is the next emotion that I can feel creeping in. I want to hate her for what she has done to me!

Also I feel like someone close to me has just died and I cant help but feel sick all of the time. My anxiety levels are through the roof and its only getting harder.

For all you that know me you know that I am never the one to be unsociable!

So basically.... What are the emotional stages of a break up and what can I do to get over it?

Yeah at first it does feel like a bereavement, you'll probably have trouble sleeping, not much of an appetite and like you say want to be alone.

Then yeah as you say 'Hate' comes in, but it's not really hate. It's just confusion, you're frustrated, angry at her, angry at yourself perhaps trying to rationalise what you did or didn't do to make her feel she wanted to end the relationship. You may also feel bitter. Unfortunately this is the stage that can last the longest and hurt you the most if you allow these emotions to consume you. It's normal to feel this, but it's abnormal to dwell on it for too long.

Try and be as amicable about it as you can be. Be cool and polite with her but don't try to get her to 'see sense' or change her mind, avoid being friends with her if that's what she asks for. At the moment I don't think you can handle the thought of her seeing other guys, so to be her friend right now would not be something I'd recommend. In the future when all's well, then perhaps you might genuinely want to be her friend.

Don't hate her for what she has done to you as she hasn't actually done anything to you that deserves a hateful response, relationships start and end all the time, it's a natural cycle. You're not as naieve to think 'Love conquers all' and 'Last forever' because in reality, it doesn't.

It's cliche but true - 'Time heals all' in a few weeks/months you'll feel better and probably cringe at how much you allowed this to affect you.

You're probably about 21/22 now. I went through the exact same thing at that age after a 3 year relationship, you need this to happen to you and feel at your lowest ebb in order to never allow yourself to experience those emotions again by bettering yourself, you owe it yourself not to feel like this anymore. It's called growing up Jynx, everyone goes through this, it's how you respond from this that will help define who you are.

Worst thing you can do right now is get drunk all the time, that wont help you forget that will just exacerbate your anxiety and make you send chodey texts or call her needlessly. Don't listen to any Smiths or read Schopenhauer in your current state! - It might send you over the edge lol!

You're ego is perhaps bruised as well, don't try to nurse it, just let it die.

Great advice from Jaz, just to touch on what he was saying about things that remind you of her. Don't be sentimental, be completely ruthless and remove anything that reminds you of her from your life.

I cannot even come close to cover what the other posters have so I won't try but each person deals with bereavement/heartache/life in their own manner.

For me I accepted each feeling, didn't try to fight them but didn't let them consume me either.

I like the phrase
It might not be easy but often finding somebody who is half decent just to have a date with or bump uglies (but avoid a full-blown relationship) will really help. For some it is re-assurance, others comfort and many just a distraction.

Good luck!

When the girl I loved split with me I was devastated. All I could think about was her. For 2 or 3 weeks I never ate or slept, & all I could see was her blonde hair & pretty face.

She said we had got too serious & she wanted to be single, I just wanted her.

Break ups are never equal & one party usually gets really hurt. I hit the drink heavily to try & deal with it, & i was drunk for 3 months. I drank so much that I could feel physical damage inside me, this was actually a welcome distraction from the emotional turmoil I was experiencing.

I never even got the chance to fully recover cos as soon as I had accepted it & moved on, my ex got in contact with me to tell me she was pregnant with my kid, then she fucked with my head ten times as much as when she broke up with me.

I'm not suggesting you do what I did & go on an endless quest to try & drown the pain away with booze.

What I do suggest is the cutting contact thing, it's the only way.

What helped me was realising it not the person you are attached to, but the dopamine release when you see them.

you then stop thinking "Ill never meet anyone like her again"

and start thinkin "i need to go cold turkey"

coz they are all the same mate

all dopamine hits

I know exactly how you feel man. I went through a long painful process with my ex. She would keep appearing and using me to give her attention. Eventually I just got tired of feeling like shit and acting like a bitch. She popped up this time and I told her to fuck off. I don't need people like that in my life. Dont be her pawn. Just ignore her

Listen to this, repeatedly. It will help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I96V...e_gdata_player

I listen to it regularly.

It's almost epic.

Ok, this is going to show a lot of back ground information about me and give you an idea of how much of a total bellend i can be. Or at leats how I used to be, but if it helps then good.

I was with my ex for 3 years. I was 18 when we met and I'm 22 now. She finished me like maby 7 months ago now and I do still think about her, I even bumped into her the other week and shes fucking the only person I hate. And it doesn't to me as much now because of how much the experience had made me grow. So hears my story.

My Nan died earlyer this year and it hit me harder than i thought, not like crying or seeming depressed. I just started looking at life a bit differently. So i was spending more time with my family like comforting my mum n shit. My ex has never lost anyone and I think got kinda selfish over the fact I was slightly emotionaly detached from her. I could tell things were getting different between us but I thought it would pass.

I'm a Man City fan and went with my dad to the last game of last season when we won the league and said I would probably meet her when i got back. I didn't and I siad sorry n explained this was the 1st time in 35 years it had happened n that but she was being a bitch about it. I went to Liverpool to next day (were she studies) to surprise her and make up 4 not seeing her the night before. She finished me.

The next few weeks we met up still and I thought she just needed to realise she wanted me. Unfortunately I was pretty obsessed with her and as every one els seems to of experienced I couldn't eat properly, sleep properly, just everything made me think of her and think of ways to get her back. Long story short she ended up fucking me over majorly. I'm saying she wrote me a letter witch I think was supposed to explain why she finished me? But was the biggest mind fuck on a piece of paper imaginable. So not only had my nan died, the 1st person I ever loved finished me in the space of like 5 weeks. Safe to say I wasn't tip top.

So yeah the letter contained such bullshit as.
'know I haven' done this to explore other men'
'I will still speak to you and see how you are'
'You're the best thing that ever happend to me'
and ended with 'I love you'

4 days after she shagged some other lad. When I said WTF was that letter about then? she was like 'I'm single I can do what I want'
I let it slide. I even was sound with her n visited her when she was lonely. Then the beggining of the ultimate bullshit. One of her 'lad mates' who I ended up fighting with on her 18th birthday (yeah it sounds like i was a twat but seriously. This lad is a cunt. I don't know anyone that likes him, literally. He basically started the fight because he knew if i was pissed enough I would retaliate)
But after that she stopped talking to him (this was over 2 years ago now)

Then I find out she has started spending time with this lad, wile I'm still making sure she's ok and being a right pussy whiped bitch over some girl I'm not even fucking anymore never mind in a relationship with. I don't like it to say the least and within a few days of me knowing she comes to me local, peels me away from my mates and starts talking to me like 1 on 1 being nice n shit. I ask her is she's spent time with the lad and she admits it and says he's just being a mate to her.
I find out about half an hour after she has been fucking him. I keep my cool for about an hour or so, asking her why she would do that via txt and she just tells me to fuck off.

I go sick. I mean I fucking bailed my mates with out them knowing. went home, completely changed all my clothes. got tooled up and went to her house to possably kill her, I don't know I was pretty drunk and pissed off.
Luckily my mates guessed I was gonna do something daft and they spread out looking for me, one waited by her house and luckily stopped me from doing anything stupid.
She txt me loads of shit the next day saying 'I'v got my mates, you've got your mates lets leave it at that' (I think to this day she doesnt know about the whole going to her house thing so if you see her don't tell her lol)
But next week she is out in the pub. With some of my mates. This is the last straw. So i casually get up from my table, walk to were she is sat, chat to some mates for abit. Look her in the eye and say 'You know we still could of been mates don't you. BUT YOU HAD TO GO AND FUCK HIM DID'NT YOU, YOU DAFT CUNT. EAT A FUCKING DICK BITCH!!!'
Threw my drink in her face and as casually as I'd strolled over there I strolled out.

To this day that moment gives me euphoria. Eventually I went to a doctors and was like. 'I might be a bit mental.'
He said I was just experiencing loss and it will take time. The best thing to do is keep busy.

So after that fucking massive essay, hears what I was getting at.

Keep yourself busy. Sounds daft and simple but It works
Completely delet her out of your life, Facebook, phone number. Whatever.
The emotions you will experience (not necessarily in this order) are -
Guilt
Depression
Anger
Anxiety
Confusion
Frustration
And you will want to Blame someone.

That is basically loss but the faster you except it the quicker you will get over it. I found talking to someone about how i felt helped A LOT!
My adivece is go out, fuck it! You will feel better for it. Have some human interaction with your mates but don't talk about her.
Keep busy. Go to the gym, do some kind of sport, get obsessed with the game, go see your mates, spend time with your family, play on the xbox, whatever! Just do things you enjoy. Oh and don't kill anyone :P
( I have to admit, hating her helped get over her )

Discovering this community is helping me to this day! I wouldn't of stumbled across it if it wasn't for the events that have happened and I can feel it making a possative impact on my life in general, not just getting me back on the woman situation. But almost all aspects of life! I'm not as aggressive as i used to be and just laugh at situations that would of angered me in the past because I just think 'Fuck it, I'm a legend!'
Bit of a bold statement but fuck it, perception is reality.

I'm pretty much over her now and when I bumped into her like 2 weeks ago I was just polite and nice to her. She went on to say 'I still miss you you know' so i replied with 'O well, you're decision. Gonna go back to my mates now. see ya.'
She ended up going home crying and leaving that lad in the pub lol. Daft bitch.

Once again sorry for the essay just thought it might help to hear someone els' story.
You will get through it and find yourself again. Trust me!

Witty Pun; Jesus Christ man, sounds like a bad episode of East Enders! Do you live in a small community or something? That shit sounds incestuous.

I genuinely hope you get your Anger issues handled, because throwing drinks in girls faces ain't cool. If you really want to punish a girl just completely cut her out of your life, no contact, go cold turkey, like Phil says, after all; she's just a dopemin hit that's all.