Phil just said it all Midas, just take a chill pill and relax--stop other thinking everything, i get the impression you are a control freak and until you ahve them under your thumb you seem to get proper anal and paranoid about things, you will just chase her away.

ps i just got a couchsurfer reqest from some chick in Berlin

I was gonna post a variant of what Phil said, but he got in there first.


that should be the title of your thread. It is good advice.

Well, if you read the posts from my last relationship, you'll see it's quite an improvement. I think I've been pretty chilled out, I just told her, "Cool, have a nice time."

Incidentally, I saw my Austrian ex out last night with her new bf and I just laughed; It was satisfying to see that she has downgraded... lol

one of my biggest breakthroughs was just to chill out I used to lose my rag all the time. After reading this I think maybe I'm a bit like you until they're like my devoted follower it starts to bug me.

The fact that she gave you the keys to your flat is a big sign of trust for those who don't know what I mean by that it's an IOI.

So, other than really expensive therapy what is the best way to sort these issues out?

I think I've made some great steps forward. I have my drinking under control and meditation chills me out.

My social and work life is great right now; I just want to get this final piece of the puzzle fixed once and for all.

I'm able to get chicks, but I still find relationships tricky. I seem to do perfectly fine right up until the point where emotions get involved on any level and then...

Just knowing the right way to act is not enough. There needs to be change on a deeper level. I'm ready.

Can I sort this out on my own with NLP books etc?

I texted her last night just to ask how's it going and no reply as of yet.

[quote=chops147;45897

The fact that she gave you the keys to your flat is a big sign of trust for those who don't know what I mean by that it's an IOI.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I know. She told me that she never gives her keys to people. The other morning when she had to get up for work she told me I could stay in bed and leave when I wanted.

Actually, she just texted this second to say that she is on the beach with friends. I'll go out running now and text her back later.

I'm terrible for trusting people that's one of the main things that keep me from having a relationship cos I'm thinking if I get in a monogamous relationship how do I know she's not cheating on me. So I either A: don't get into it B: get into it and cheat C: get into it while she's fucking every tom dick and harry behind my back.

reading your talk about your drinking makes me think this forums not just about picking up girls it's a place where we can talk about our problems to peeps who aren't concerned with looking cool or trying to get something from you.

I haven't been in the same situation but in all my previous relationships, I've always read into things too much and tried to control them (through my own jealousy, mistrust in myself whatever) and I decided that this had to change with my AFC ways so maybe it can help. In the last year I've made conscious choices about the way I act such as when I'm going to send a text, I hold back for a bit or not text at all if it isn't needed. Deciding that tonight I'm not going to see a girl, not because I don't want to but that I could do with a run or I have a book that I never get around to reading.
It was a real ballache at first, trying not to pick up my phone every 5mins to check for texts, but as I got more and more used to it, my behaviour changed and now I do it without thinking.

I guess what I would say is visualise how you want to be in a relationship (in terms of how often you communicate, affection, sex, etc.) and then consciously act that way until it becomes automated.

Well, it's all linked once you break it down. The more you have your personal problems sorted out, the better your interactions/relationships with women are going to be, I would have thought... unless you're a rock star and then it's cool to have personal problems.

On here I would talk about stuff that I wouldn't bring up in front of a woman. She has no idea, that I'm talking about this on the internet right now and I expect she'd be quite weirded out if she did.

All she knows is that I sent her a text to say, "I've just got back from scuba diving, and now I'm going running." So, as far as she knows, I'm totally chill about the whole thing...

A few points.

People tend to act according to expectations and treatment from others - if your treat someone as being trustworthy are are much more likely to actually be trustworthy.

You obviously have some self esteem issues if you feel insecure about your GF going out with her mates. If she wanted to be with another guy they she would be (is that too obvious ?).

No girl will cheat on you provided you sort out two things:
1) make sure the sex is fantastic.
2) be secure and non-needy/jealous.

Girls by and large don't cheat because they meet someone more attractive (like guys generally do), they do it because havn't sorted one of the above.

Insecurity and jealousy is probably the biggest thing that will put a girl off a guy, the hotter the girl the bigger the issue will be for her.

Your destiny is in your own hands. MTFU (tm) Phil