Top-Hat's Journal
 

Since accidentally deleting my diary which I started writing a couple of weeks ago, I figured it'd be a good idea to log all my adventures online. I joined this site a few years ago and have been on off gaming for a while and since splitting up with my ex 2 months ago would really like to get this down.

So here goes...

Date: 31st October 2013
I went out to meet Tebbs in Oxford Street and made our journey down to Embankment, got some warm up directional approaches trying to figure out the approach, decided to go to Westfields White City. This is where I got out of my comfort zone and did alot of direct approaches, most kept walking but the few I stopped including a lovely little Norwegian and a hot as fuck English bird outside the mall, didn't go anywhere (I'll take that as a lack of experience). I hit my target of 10 direct approaches.

Date: 2nd November 2013
Went on an internet date with a bird at a bar in front of Westfields, before hand I called up a couple of my boys to get me into that chatty mood and also to sort out logistics for my birthday party. Well anyway this date went pretty well, especially as it was my first one in 2 years. I played it very well and my natural cockiness came off well. We bounced into Westfields and just had a little gander round, at this point it felt as if I was going out with a girlfriend. We made out a few times, took pics in the Apple store. I didn't end up putting my nob in her on account of having my party in an hour at this point.

Date: 7th November 2013
Decided to do the same route as the previous day with Tebbs and ended up in front of the London Eye doing about 10 rapid approaches to get the run and turn approaches down. Only a couple stopped. Walked back up to Soho and saw this petite blonde who went into the darkest alley, I was patient and waited for some light (didn't want her to think I was going to mug her). Ended up having a little chat where I was rather stuttery.

Date: 8th November 2013
Once again we were in around Oxford Street, Regents Street and Embankment, my approaches are now getting alot better. They're stopping and I'm having little chats with the birds getting rejected a couple of times but this due to my obvious lack of intent. But when the approach goes well it's clear I'm improving due to my nice little chat with a half Indian girl which went quite well but ejected when I feel like I'm running out of things to say.

Points to take and ways to improve:
Day game is definitely different to night game, you actually have to be more verbal.
I need to show more intent, more aggression I feel like I'm acting like a lost child.
Figure out how to do more diverse types of approaches which include small spaces, lone targets and pairs.

Feel free to throw me some advice, little tips which helped you improve.

Not sure what you mean exactly.

I meant it as there's more talking especially in the initial stages, with night game I felt like I could get away with not talking or showing my personality verbally

Date: 15th November 2013
Did a ton of approaches today, in the usual route.
Ten of which were in an hour, because Tebbs and I went a little too crazy.
Had some lovely little chats with 4 birds, where I can see definite improvement. My conversing is occasionally iffy, yet good at other times.
One of these sets was an absolute stunner, shit approach, but put her into place, what I've learnt is that I need to improvise a bit better with my assumptions.
After the 4 hours day gaming we went out to meet a few lads including Serendipity, Markuk, and others I cant remember the forum names of. In the 4 hours I was out I did 3 sets, one of which was winging for my boy Tebbs which he number closed. the second was some average open but the two wanted to keep talking but wasnt too into them. Finally the last set was a lovely bird from Camden whom was ioi'ing me constantly, but alas not only did I run out of shit to say, I was in that no kino day game mode.

Points to take and ways to improve:
In the day I should; stop ejecting, go for the close and work on improvisation.
But in the night I should kino.

You have to show your personality more so in night game if anything

I saw you in action tonight bud. Chasing down girls in the street. It reminded me what we were out for. And it was getting me in state just watching your enthusiasm to go for it. Don't lose that. It's part of what you are. You're doing the right thing. At your age I should have been doing the same thing. Work on the after-approach phase. Get in convo, build rapport and comfort, make a strong emotional connection with the girl. then the close is easy and it's a solid number or email not a flake. We're not looking for flakes.

As you keep doing this you will start to calibrate your game more. Remember at night, when it gets dark, women get more edgy so the game changes. But don't change what you are doing, just evaluate and adjust and you'll be there soon.

I think I am coming to silly conclusions and excuses, I believe now it doesn't matter. Just go with the flow and make it happen.

Something big for me right now is authenticity. I'm finding I need to go for sets I find attractive or there isn't too much point as I don't put my heart into it. And unless I have alot of AA to be patient instead of running around like a madman.

Cheers bud, I'm really starting to see improvement daily. Day game is where I see most big steps being made, unlike iwhen I was doing night game when I was in a long term relationship. But I'll keep pushing in both aspects and set myself some targets.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind trying a bit of day game again in London. I only did solo a few times in the summer on my lunch break. Didn't do enough approaches but of the few I did do I learned a lot. It definitely gave me more confidence. I realised being more aggressive actually made the women feel more comfortable to talk. You would think the opposite would be true. But attraction is counter intuitive. The area I did seems to have a reasonable supply of attractive women, usually tourists in the summer. It's quitter in the winter but I'm thinking as Christmas approaches it's gonna start getting busy there again. Would be interesting to try again with wings this time. I'll PM you.

Have a watch of this: day game analysis | Search Results | Krauser's PUA Adventure

The guy goes in his head at one point and almost loses it but he manages to recover. You see how hot that girl is. That's about the level of looks I'm looking to stop in day game. The ones you get that horrible sinking feeling if you don't approach. Nick Krauser calls it "DNA pull".

Date: 16th November 2013
After a long day of training, went out to meet Tebbs and another lad, the new lad went to do some approaches himself and we ended up losing him. I ended up doing 4 or 5 approaches all direct and although getting frustrated with not being able to continue conversation, they are stopping everytime.

Points to take and ways to improve:
Approaches stop everytime.
Work on all previously highlighted points.

Just by reading you posts in this thread it makes me wonder, are you ejecting because, as you said, you can't think of anything to say or are you ejecting because you don't have the full confidence in yourself yourself when talking to the girls?

Your intent of day gaming is good. Here's where you differ from me though, I go out and my day game isn't regimented, by that I mean hit a 10 target, rapid approaches etc... instead I'm more open kind of a no target apparach which suits my off the cuff style very well. I sure understand your approach and why you do it, I've never winged or anything like that, I go out totally solo so in a way that has really helped me to solidify myself in holding my own.


With your ejections I think its simply you going into your head and end up making it harder for yourself. Its practice that will help you overcome that, for sure.

I think that counting approaches isn't a particularly good idea in general. It makes you focus far too much on the very start of the interaction, rather than the general meat of it. I used to do it and I actually see it as part of the reason I left conversations early. I was approaching with the intention of approaching rather than talking, so after I approached I on some unconscious level considered the job done. That meant that when it actually got into having to keep a conversation going and I wasn't comfortable with it I'd just fuck off and go do another approach to tick off on the tally.

If you want to set a goal to get you doing something a better way in my opinion is to give yourself a period of time (say 15 mins to start) where the goal is to always be chatting to someone. That way you keep the chat going as long as possible, and if you actually can't keep it going you've got to find someone else to chat up ASAP. Aim for covering this time period with as few separate conversations as possible though.

Just an idea, give that a go and see how it works. Then when you're more comfortable going up to people and keeping a chat going abandon it.

I don't completely understand your method to get past this, but I presume you mean do constant approaches one after the other and make up 15 minutes, doesn't matter who it is just approach to get over this hurdle.

You are right it's all in my head and practising will get me more confident in myself. I don't have a regime when going out, all I have is hit my targets for example talk to x girls for y minutes each.

To me, if you do them targets everytime you go out, its a regime.


I think you shouldn't concern yourself about quantity and focus more on the quality of conversation.
Seems you're ejecting because you think the job is done once you've approached and got a +1 on the tally as Stein said in his first paragraph. It all relates to the point, you're going into your head.

It changes as I figured making small targets would help me progress?

Good that their stopping for you. Are you going in your head to think what to say to her next? If that's what's happening (it happens to me a lot) that'll probably be what's stopping you being able to continue to flow in convo.

You'll be expected to take the heavy lifting of the convo at the start to give her mind time to catch up with what's actually happening. Just keep talking. If she's responsive then she'll start contributing to the convo and it'll get easier.

Sort of but not really. The point is to be talking to someone constantly, not approaching constantly. If some conversation ends then yes, jump right into something else, but that's not where the focus is. The aim is to keep a conversation going so you don't have to dawdle around looking for someone else to chat to. Ideally you would be able to spent the 15 minutes just talking to one person. It's just about the simple shift from focusing on 'do approaches' to 'have long conversations'. After all the real goal is to spend time with girls.

I agree with what Stein and Barney are saying but don't be too worried. As your confidence raises with the approaches and you relax more you'll become more aware you are the one controlling the interaction. If you can't think of anything to say you can say to her "Your so cute and now I can't think of anything to say haha". If she laughs too, bingo. The absolute worst thing you can do is think to yourself "shit I'm running out of things to say". If you think it your fucked basically. So don't think just speak.

At first maybe it is. Personally I never did that approach.

But I think that, just the same with everyone, when you hit limitations you should make changes in order to help you push through and progress. I don't think the target approach is the way to go, you should spend more time in the conversation instead of thinking about making the next approach.

Try going out without being focused on hitting targets and just spend time in the conversation, see if you make any improvements.

Here's an example of what we're on about.

I went in a shop the other day to buy some cigarette papers. The guy at the desk looked totally bored and there were no other customers so I started a conversation with him. We talked for about 15 minutes about all random stuff and I think it cheered him up a lot. I enjoyed it too.

To progress I need to be able to do this with a hot girl. But you can practice this almost anywhere, anytime as well as approaching attractive girls. It sounds like doing this would help you along.

Date: 18th November 2013
After taking a break, on sunday we were raring to go. After hearing your guys' advice. I attempted to change it up. I had good conversation with 3 or 4 people. And went for my first number close since getting back into this. The swede whom I was chatting with replied I'm not sure how my boyfriend would feel about that. This was the start of the boyfriends...
Went up to a load more and I stopped them just kept getting told they had a boyfriend.

Date: 19th November 2013
This day was my worst day out. Went out to Westfields, and nothing was stopping. Except a Hungarian and a couple of Polish girls whom I had good conversation with. I kept getting into my head and getting frustrated, at one point I had an argument with my wing about my excuses.

Points to take and ways to improve:
I can feel it coming, the results I'm looking for.
Move on from the bad day.
Treat it like a job interview, put 100% even after every failure.
Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Work on observational statements.
Calm down and slow down.

Today I've got a third date from the from a couple of weeks ago. Maybe she can calm me down.

If they tell you they have a boyfriend, don't fret just say something like "That's ok, I don't mind if you have a boyfriend" or "It's ok, bring him with you" or "That's cool, personally I've never had a boyfriend" - just try pushing it a bit to see whether they actually do have a boyfriend.

The only thing I notice from your posts is that (maybe your writing style) but this reminds me of looking at somebody running a project, a tad robotic. Such as the highlighted point - this isn't a job interview, its social interactions in real life.

Same with all the approaching, I agree with Stein & Barney's comments. Everyone's different but I wouldn't purely approach 10 different people just for the sake of it. I think there's a difference talking to people you want & don't want to; your heart won't fully be into it & it will show in your interaction with the people your not bothered about. I'd swap 1 awesome 15 minute interaction for 10 pretty much nothing one's any day.

Just keep approaching. No need to analyse in too much depth how long an interaction needs to be at this stage.

Date: 24th November 2013
Bit hungover right now, but i'll give this a go.

I didnt do a write up but I had sex with internet bird during the week. After no sex after 2 months, I'm definitely out of practice. I spend a couple of hours rereading Danny Rose's Sex God Method, which I used in my relationship and was quite useful.

Finally I leave getting to her place is time consuming an hour and ten minutes to get somewhere just below Hammersmith. After sleeping with her for the first time last week, she invited me to her friends birthday party which started off at hers and a taxi down to Mccrawleys in Kingston.

As soon as I arrived shes a bit weird, too distant. Didnt bother to introduce me to her friends, and didnt really have a conversation with her, only her friends. Which is fine for me I do need some practice chatting and leading conversation with girls. Throughout I sent a couple of texts to a friend telling him this party's a bore.

Once we finally got out, we stood around waiting for her friends in front of the club after ten minutes we proceeded into the club. The club is buzzing, plenty of pretty birds. Which I would approach if it were any other night. The night consisted of standard dancing with the birds, figuring out where this night was going. At one point I went outside and saw her talking to some lads, for some reason this pissed me off. Probably because I come down from central into unknown territories and this bird wont even bother with me. I felt like "that guy", not really a part of the group and her friends were stuck with babysitting me. At this point I tell her friend I'm going home (which is a fucking mission, 2 night buses), she asks me why a few times, I dont reply. I couldnt really say, because this bird has been weird with me the whole night. I'm not dealing with girl's drama.
After 5 minutes trying to convince me to stay, I listen to them, but proceed to having a drunken gander, looking at all the pretty birds on show. Which her friends clearly see, I lose them a few times. I steal a drink at the bar, just walk off and not pay.
Finally at like 3 in the morning we leave and take a taxi back to theirs, I ended up going to her bed and falling asleep, I wasnt really down for chatting. Her friend awoke me from my slumber after ten minutes and asks me to go downstairs and see internet bird, I then say nothing and make out with her, and then take her upstairs where her friend was in her bed, we made her leave and I fuck her, she is pretty animalistic, this time. The sex was good but once again she doesnt cum which always annoys the shit out of me. We then hold each other and she tells me about her insecurities and how she thought I was going to get to her friend. I give her my 2 cents and agree with her when she asks if she should go to counselling.

This is the dilemma, I quite like this girl but know with these insecurities and family issues and possibly daddy issues it'd be a drain on me to continue. I find it extremely difficult to do a runner, as she's literally opened up to me, she's a great girl and the sex is good.

Right I need to rant, I've been out both yesterday and today, on the both days sets are going ok so I can see I'm improving. Extremely slowly but still improving. I get a couple of rejections which is fine. After an hour I get annoyed with myself and consequently very demotivated.
This game is just so annoying and I can't seem to get something that works. If I'm improving one aspect everything else suffers.
I've been attempting to text this internet bird and even that's going shitty.
Everything is just so frustrating, I went out yesterday to a concert with some friends, had an awesome time and on the journey home I was extremely depressed.

What is it making you depressed? What do you mean by 'focusing on one thing'?

I believe a great goal to have is "Im going to approach girls tonight", "Im going to have conversations/flirt with girls", "Im going to escalate/isolate girls", or "Im going on the pull tonight" because they are like 'compound exercises' versus "Im practicing opening/eye contact/touch/negs/complimenting" etc etc which would be 'isolation exercises' to be all nerdy about it.

So go into detail about whats making you depressed and what you mean by working on aspects and what suffers. Sure its nothing that can't be dealt with easily enough :)

Sounds like you're doing well. You're getting out there and approaching, you're seeing signs of improvement, oh and you're banging some chick from the internet... bonus.

I know those feelings of frustration though. Keep getting out there, be relentless. The more you do it, the more you'll realise there's no point in putting so much emphasis on a bad day, or even an individual approach.

Yeah, you're doing fine. We all have good and bad days. Just keep chipping away. It takes time.

After an annoying past couple of days, I met up with Stein for a drink last night. He gave me some reassurance and calmed me the fuck down. This game can get quite annoying at times.

Date: 28th November 2013
Went out to Oxford Street with Tebbs, and I was calm. Got straight to business but kept it calm no crazy running up to set after set. A few sets in, after asking a girl how she got her tan(which was clearly fake), I chatted to a lovely little French girl and made a bit of banter had a nice conversation, and BOOOM got the number. The biggest smile on my face emerged when coming out. It might flake, it might not. A consistent theme is clearly appearing, I'm certainly getting better. After this set we continued and didnt get a single good set afterwards but I guess thats the curse of the 1 hour mark for me, hopefully that improves with practice.

The results will come man. Main thing is that you are taking action. Be happy that you are taking action! You are doing what 90% of people can't be bothered to do, which is putting your ass on the line.

Liked reading the Kingston episode, although the bird sounds a bit unhinged

I like the addage "Life's about the journey not the destination"

Apply it to pick up. Enjoy it. Enjoy talking to girls and people. Enjoy reading the theories, books and field reports.

Do it because you want to progress but most of all do it because you enjoy it.

if women are pissing you off, focus on your mates (wings) or make joking and laughing your priority rather than getting laid.

When I started having fun with pickup and not taking it (or anything else) too seriously my life changed

Yeah, just treat it as your way of having fun, that will come across to girls because it's what they love most of all. You don't ever want them to feel like they are being picked up. Even although they're not stupid and they know that's what's happening. If it's fun then they'll come out to play.

Just an update in what's happening.

Internet bird dumped me if you want to call it that. Which is fine, she wanted something different and I clearly wasn't interested enough.

Back in town, I feel more comfortable. Sets arent working great but I feel calm about it. Which is awesome, as I've been feeling a bit off due to a combination of coursework deadlines, internet bird and models (book by Mark Manson, which has been shown me a lot of truths in myself.

I've got the impression a lot of girls online are searching for longer term relationships, maybe needy and maybe having unrealistic expectations (partly due to social conditioning maybe). You want different things so like you said, fair enough if she ended it. The last girl I was with who was like that, I deliberately acted like such a dick it forced her to end it. I was coward at ending relationships. That's something for me to address.

I finished reading models recently. It did make me think a lot too. It's one of the better books I've read. I had to take a rest at various points and ask some serious questions about myself. This is a good thing, so don't shy away from it. At the same time don't over-analyse yourself.

There's a lot of underlying issues that need to be addressed if you want to build an unshakeable confidence in yourself. These should start to fall into place with experience. It's not about being perfect, it's more about changing what you can change and accepting that the aspects about yourself that you can't change don't necessarily have to present an insurmountable obstacle to acheiving your goals. In fact the trick is to turn them into advantages.

Just being comfortable with that as a part of your identity is good. The main thing is being comfortable with yourself. Liking yourself. If you have that down it makes it much easier for other people to like you.

I've literally just started reading it, and already feel as if i'm benefitting from it. Yes it does freak me out with how real it is but it's a good real

Date: 4th December 2013

Went out with my American football team and a couple of my mates. In the beginning I was babysitting my mate, waiting for him to leave so the real fun could happen (he doesnt really pursue girls and isnt at all outgoing). We were observing the mannerisms of "slutty" girls, which was a bit weird but oh well.

After he left I went have a bit of fun with the team laughing giving each other dares. One of em kissed the ugly fat cheerleader. After this we went to cheapskates in Soho. So we do the standard clubby shindig and I meet my buddy, his girl (whom Ive made out with) and her mate, we're all cracking jokes flirting and shit and then out of nowhere I'm making out with the friend, which was politely photographed by the team and is currently all over Facebook. Afterwards, I went off to chill with the team doing a bit of dancing as the girls went up to smoke. My buddy was running around looking for his girl (a bit silly he should've just chilled) later on I found them and they were off home so I whisked out with them and proceeded to get a taxi which never came. For some reason my buddy and his girl disappeared, leaving me with the friend. So we proceeded to walk to mine which is an hour away, luckily she lived half way and although she wanted to go back to mine to avoid sleeping on the sofa with me, we fucked at hers. Although she wasnt a good looking girl and a clubby girl at least I can add a line to the end of my bed.

Date: 14th December 2013
Lordy lord it's been a while since I posted one of these up, tonsilitis is a mother bitch. Went out to Westfields and felt shaky, probably because I hadnt been out in a week and a bit. Anywho, other than teaching a new guy daygame(which is alot of fun) chatted to a few birds and life was chilling, jumped out of a set with one because she was way too duhhh, reminded me of Stacey Soloman's cluelessness. A common theme over the last couple of days is feeling comfortable in sets but running out of things to say then ejecting, being annoyed everyones in two sets (I dont feel as if I have enough experiences of single sets going well) and being grumpy because families are out shopping with their hawtie little daughters because it's Christmas baby!

In the night we went to Clapham, then to the forum meet in Shoreditch, which was part waste of time because I've got a bit of a chest cough and good because got to chat to a few birds in the night, which I feel way too chilling(like overly relaxed). After bullshitting myself into the shoreditch bar, got to meet the lads talk game, life and chat to a few birds.

All in all a productive day, happy I finally got out of the house.

I'm gonna write this little report, not to show my successes or things i've learnt from the night, in fact it was a pretty normal one. What I am going to discuss is how far I've come.

When I was 16 in the last year of high school, I found an article on Nuts.co.uk during one of my fun little sessions. This article described self improvement in very briefly and lead me to find "The Game". Reading the books and finding the forums took me into a world very much different from the world I had grown up in.

Initially my adolescent mind could not handle it. After seeing my friend kiss at least a dozen girls, I approached for the first time at the age of 17. What I didnt know, as I was encouraging myself to just do it, my brain was so overloaded with information, that it was going to be the most scary start of a bigger journey. When I was allowed to go into clubs, I was scared. I was scared about what my friends thought of me, about people seeing me, about rejection and about being shit at dancing. And because of this fear I barely spoke to any girls.

At 19 I realised I really had to start approaching. I found some like-minded individuals, and here began the real grafting.

Now at 22, I've had a long term relationship and slept with a few others. But most importantly, I've grown up, I know how to present myself physically, I can approach women, after the other night I realised I can approach in front of my friends and get rejected every time and my dancing, well my dancing's still shit. This journey is no where near over in fact I still believe I'm at the beginning. I've had so many ups and downs so far and as long as I keep working to remove those little kinks every day through honest stimulation, I will only become stronger, wiser and closer to being what I want to be.

Here's a triple whammy for you all
Date: 29th December 2013
After not daygaming for what seemed for an eternity whilst roaming on the streets of London town, it was the best time to go out and get into the jist of things. The tourists decided that today was the day to spoil my parade and flock by the thousand in my usual stomping grounds. Only one set was approached, before deciding today was not the day. But hey I still got my tush out the house.

Date: 3rd January 2014
First day of term. Holidays out, fine little chicas in. We headed down to Westfield and I felt ready and raring to go. After a couple of sets, after a long walk and a couple of warm ups, found a nice little Belgian chick whom and learnt that I am slowly getting past this speech block. Talked about random shite which was nice. Later on I found a blonde girl who I thought I opened Which made me a bit shaky, yet still I was able to talk random shite.

Westfields was a bit empty so headed back into central. After about an hour found a Scottish chick who rejected me from the get go but Tebbs told me two chicks were overwhelmed by me approaching her as they walked past. Finally after a while of walking around found one hawtie whilst I was chasing after another, we spoke for a while. For some reason I was quite apologetic and once again I got the boyfriend rejection. Quite a pleasing day showing plenty of improvement.

Date: 4th January 2014
Playa State of mind. Well not quite but dayum today felt good. Although yesterday's session was improvement I wasnt very happy. I got home and felt as if it just wasn't fun, maybe due to being away for a while. Today I started super slow, no state, very monotone and a feeling of cba syndrome. Opened a few sets and really wasn't into it, then I spoke to a posh little girl and overlooked all signs of interest because I felt the conversation was boring (every day shit). My wing told afterwards I should've taken the chance, she was apparently flicking her hair, did the cross leg thing they do and I knew she was engaging me, calming me down. After this I was quite slow but slowly picking up, grabbed a burger then went on a total rampage opened loads, had good conversations but, got rejected a few times via the "boyfriend", chased a girl into topshop (Essex bird had good conversation), approached a girl then met the boyfriend and shook his hand and taught the annoying stall guys how to approach by telling him watch this.

I didnt get any numbers for the last couple of days, plenty of boyfriend rehections, one missed opportunity, but pretty pleased with myself for slowly getting past this "what do I say next" issue. Back out tomorrow. Onwards and upwards from here, I'm really looking forward to this year!

I went out a walk lunchtime from work on Thursday cause the weather was nice. There were a lot of tourists. Not intending to approach really. I got eye contact from a hot leggy chick as she walked past. I was in two minds whether to run after her. The mind saying 'no' won though. Another chick walking in front of me stopped to read one of those map signpost things. I nearly stopped beside her to chat but I started thinking what I would say and missed the moment. I want to try a few next week. I need to stop thinking and just do it.

Yes you do, but granted when you're working you don't really think of these things. Start small move up